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I don't think that. I am not a planner. My bestie is and it doesn't bother her. Maybe it did at first. And I can bend. I had to plan to go look at holiday lights and go to this neat restaurant with incredible decorations next week. I HAVE TO. It's important to her. So I did! We live a block away from one another so spontaneous is easy often. Hey do you have dinner plans. Hey do you want to come over and visit. Hey I am walking the dog, want to go? I'm going here/going there, want to go with?
She's a good friend. The spontaneity is her bending to me. She's a planner. In the beginning she felt rejected with me turning down planned things. I don't know what they were anymore. So I have to bend too. Some things have to be planned. I do hope that she started LIKING the spontaneous things and it wasn't/isn't all bending.
She's a good friend. The spontaneity is her bending to me. She's a planner. In the beginning she felt rejected with me turning down planned things. I don't know what they were anymore. So I have to bend too. Some things have to be planned. I do hope that she started LIKING the spontaneous things and it wasn't/isn't all bending.
It's truly a huge blessing. In my circumstances, it's amazing.
I actually made friends with a lot of neighbors. I live in a condo complex, so it's as simple as walking the dog all around and being outgoing.
But I don't want to go to happy hours or the other things they want to do, so I stick with the one neighbor friend that I described.
I still like to socialize with the others. Stand outside and chat. Be invited in for coffee.
I mention that because you might want to utilize that option. All I do is chat with whoever I run across anywhere. I am not out making a big effort. Over time, some of the chats get longer and then you're walking together and then meeting someone else.
I met this lonely old man who liked to sit outside and drink beer hoping for people to come talk to him. And people did, so then I met them too.
As long as I have lived here now, I feel like I know everyone! I think you would feel better if you had a sense of community like that. I can literally go 'borrow a cup of sugar' from any number of people.
But mainly it's the true hi how are yous. The people that actually want to know and want to stand or walk and chitty chat.
It's truly a huge blessing. In my circumstances, it's amazing.
I actually made friends with a lot of neighbors. I live in a condo complex, so it's as simple as walking the dog all around and being outgoing.
But I don't want to go to happy hours or the other things they want to do, so I stick with the one neighbor friend that I described.
I still like to socialize with the others. Stand outside and chat. Be invited in for coffee.
I mention that because you might want to utilize that option. All I do is chat with whoever I run across anywhere. I am not out making a big effort. Over time, some of the chats get longer and then you're walking together and then meeting someone else.
I met this lonely old man who liked to sit outside and drink beer hoping for people to come talk to him. And people did, so then I met them too.
As long as I have lived here now, I feel like I know everyone! I think you would feel better if you had a sense of community like that. I can literally go 'borrow a cup of sugar' from any number of people.
But mainly it's the true hi how are yous. The people that actually want to know and want to stand or walk and chitty chat.
I love this!
I am not that good at small talk though, but I so admire people who are.
Refusing to make plans with me tells me you are not interested in anything beyond acquaintanceship with me. I don’t know how we’re supposed to have the conversations that make us heart friends, if it’s too hard to agree to have lunch with me next Wednesday. Your expectations seem high to me compared to what you wish to deliver back.
Right. If you want friends and family that ride or die, you have to be that way yourself. If one cannot even commit to dinner in a week or a month, one has no chance of ever finding a ride or die friend or fam member.
A ride or die friend shows up for cancer, at least.
OP, you failed the friendship and have turned it around on her.
Right. If you want friends and family that ride or die, you have to be that way yourself. If one cannot even commit to dinner in a week or a month, one has no chance of ever finding a ride or die friend or fam member.
A ride or die friend shows up for cancer, at least.
OP, you failed the friendship and have turned it around on her.
No, I have not "turned it around on her." I was just wondering about the ornament and have been ambivalent about the friendship for a long time.
On the cancer thing - I think in this case there was a combination of reasons I didn't show up for her. One was distance, but above that was a lot of other complicated stuff (extreme family issues I was having to attend to, and just something about the friendship that was off-putting).
I would never categorize our friendship as "ride or die."
It's basically a lukewarm Facebook friendship at this point.
On the cancer thing - I think in this case there was a combination of reasons I didn't show up for her. One was distance, but above that was a lot of other complicated stuff (extreme family issues I was having to attend to, and just something about the friendship that was off-putting).
So you're all hyper-emotional except when a friend is suffering from cancer, then you ghost, with lame excuses.
There's a word for that: hypocrite. There's another, but it's not proper here.
No, I have not "turned it around on her." I was just wondering about the ornament and have been ambivalent about the friendship for a long time.
On the cancer thing - I think in this case there was a combination of reasons I didn't show up for her. One was distance, but above that was a lot of other complicated stuff (extreme family issues I was having to attend to, and just something about the friendship that was off-putting).
I would never categorize our friendship as "ride or die."
It's basically a lukewarm Facebook friendship at this point.
You did turn it around on her. You made her into the friend who isn't good to you. She betrayed you by going out to dinner and not inviting you.
You expect so much from other people, but can't even plan a meal in advance, which is basically the bare minimum. Show up. And you don't rally in a major crisis either, but someone dare not return a text the same day, and they are sloth, couldn't possibly really love you to have sunk so low. It's entirely unreasonable.
No, I have not "turned it around on her." I was just wondering about the ornament and have been ambivalent about the friendship for a long time.
On the cancer thing - I think in this case there was a combination of reasons I didn't show up for her. One was distance, but above that was a lot of other complicated stuff (extreme family issues I was having to attend to, and just something about the friendship that was off-putting).
I would never categorize our friendship as "ride or die."
It's basically a lukewarm Facebook friendship at this point.
Right but ride or die, people having your back, that is what you want. So you have to play too. You don't earn people riding for you if you don't reciprocate.
'Something about the friendship was off putting'? It was fine when you got upset that she didn't invite you everywhere.
Or at least she was supposed to consider it more than fine.
Maybe being at her side while she had cancer would have earned you a spot at her table. I mean, that is exactly how close relationships are formed, we bond over things like that. We don't meet people and start off with an emotional connection, that is built.
You don't want to lay any bricks.
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