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Right but ride or die, people having your back, that is what you want. So you have to play too. You don't earn people riding for you if you don't reciprocate.
'Something about the friendship was off putting'? It was fine when you got upset that she didn't invite you everywhere.
Or at least she was supposed to consider it more than fine.
Maybe being at her side while she had cancer would have earned you a spot at her table. I mean, that is exactly how close relationships are formed, we bond over things like that. We don't meet people and start off with an emotional connection, that is built.
There are many different levels of friendships and they don't all have to be our soul mates. I'm someone who makes friends easily and I've been fortunate to have kept them for many years. We all get hurt by slights, whether real or imagined, so what has worked for me is to try my best to give friends the benefit of the doubt. There have been times when I've found out that something I thought might have been a slight, actually had a very legitimate reason behind it. I'm not perfect and I'm sure there have been times I've been given the benefit of the doubt by my friends and for that, I'm grateful.
Right but ride or die, people having your back, that is what you want. So you have to play too. You don't earn people riding for you if you don't reciprocate.
'Something about the friendship was off putting'? It was fine when you got upset that she didn't invite you everywhere.
Or at least she was supposed to consider it more than fine.
Maybe being at her side while she had cancer would have earned you a spot at her table. I mean, that is exactly how close relationships are formed, we bond over things like that. We don't meet people and start off with an emotional connection, that is built.
You don't want to lay any bricks.
You don't get to decide reality for others.
I didn't include details which might have made you more generous with your judgments.
But I don't care if you and that dude that follows you around saying "spot on," understand or not.
I lived it.
I have integrity.
I am a GOOD friend.
I have been there for MANY others (some with cancer and worse).
I "could not" be there for this friend, and in the same circumstances, it would be the same.
I had a close relative in ICU - I am sure in your mind that's "just an excuse."
Mind your own business or at least put me on ignore.
I can't stand judgmental people who THINK they know, but really have no idea.
So much projection on this thread - someone said I sounded "just like" her mother. No. We are all different. I am sorry you were hurt.
You know her better than we do. If that is what you’re feeling, why not reach out to her and ask her to go to dinner next time she’s in town? That said you can’t be upset when she goes out with other people and doesn’t invite you. Everybody cannot be included. I wonder, if somebody in that friend group does not care for you? And perhaps that’s why you’re not included? However, she still really enjoys the friendship. Different friend groups can create challenging dynamics. Or could it be that she’s better friends with that group, and doesn’t have enough time to meet and see everybody when she is visiting?
You can see there’s so many scenarios everybody can come up with. You have to decide if you want her to be your friend knowing everything that you know. This means if she comes into the area and doesn’t invite you out you have to accept her they way she is.
This could be an issue.
The other two people are super big boozers, and I am not (only have one or two drinks).
The other two people are super big boozers, and I am not (only have one or two drinks).
Unless they're getting falling-down drunk on these outings, I seriously doubt that they care if you only have one or two drinks while they booze it up.
Unless they're getting falling-down drunk on these outings, I seriously doubt that they care if you only have one or two drinks while they booze it up.
It's not that they "care," it's just a certain hard-drinking vibe - I don't dig that - they would probably see me as a buzz kill.
I wrote about the crude, opportunistic friend in another post . . . which made me think of this friend.
This is also someone I used to work with many moons ago. I got an ornament in the mail from her yesterday with a card. My dog died recently. It was a very nice gesture and I messaged her to thank her.
I haven't been encouraging this friend for a few years because of a couple of incidents.
She lives kind of far away from me, but has a vacation home near me. Whenever she would come to stay in the house, she would notify me - until she didn't. One time, I saw a posting on FB on a holiday - she was at a restaurant I had told her I was dying to go to - and she was with other friends I have met. I didn't get an invite, and was hurt. There was another holiday and a similar incident (she went to see fireworks with these other friends and I heard about it later).
I am a very emotional person and she is not. She brought that up one time - that she has a hard time talking about personal/emotional stuff. To me, that is what friendship is all about.
I don't want to say "I don't want to be friends with you because you are unemotional and you and your other friends went places I would have liked to have been invited to go." It just seems dumb and petty and the part about her being unemotional seems judgmental.
So I have withdrawn any energy from her - but now, she has reached out to me again through this ornament, and I "should" invite her to come visit me, but I don't feel I can be 100% myself around her and I don't trust her to not exclude me again. I realize in writing this how childish it sounds!!!
Sounds childish on your part. If you don't really love your friend then let her go and make other friends--which I think she has done.
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