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I’ve read a few of your friend threads and other of your threads about your love of psychology and feelings. As kindly as I can say it, it sounds like you are “too needy” of a friend and expect to much of others. You also get your feelings hurt easily. Your best friend/business partner needed space. These last two friends don’t sound like compatible friend material for you at all.
Ha ha on the "best friend/business partner needed space." Is that why she vacated her apartment and LEFT NO FORWARDING ADDRESS - even to her husband and son? Okay! Good to know!
As for me being "needy" - no, I am a very thoughtful friend. I never impose on others and try to give something in the relationship. I am a great friend. I just go deep - but that is different than needy. Thanks for taking time out of your day!
They show you who they are? This woman has done nothing wrong. People aren't always in control of who goes where, but even if they are, you weren't invited. That's nothing to be hurt about. It was an outing, not her wedding or some other big occasion.
And not everyone wants to spill their guts with others. Accept people for who they are, expect less than you've been expecting, and you may find it's easier to keep friends.
I get that you want to be best friends with someone you connect with at a deeper level, but that has to be more organic in the way it evolves, and not forced.
The thing is: I want to connect on a heart level and I don't think that's asking too much. I guess most people can't go there. Doesn't mean I am "wrong" for wanting that connection.
P.S. As you might notice: I don't have trouble "keeping friends." I have had a ton of friends and walked away from most of them for very legitimate reasons. I still have a host of friends, but not local and no real "heart" friends (people who can come and "hang out" with you and just enjoy your company).
The thing is: I want to connect on a heart level and I don't think that's asking too much.
It's not, but not all friends are going to be like this, and that's okay. Sometimes there are the people with whom you don't sit around and have a heart-to-heart all the time, but you still have similar interests and do fun things together. And that doesn't make a friendship bad. It's just that there are different types of friendship.
It's not, but not all friends are going to be like this, and that's okay. Sometimes there are the people with whom you don't sit around and have a heart-to-heart all the time, but you still have similar interests and do fun things together. And that doesn't make a friendship bad. It's just that there are different types of friendship.
I know. I just find it hard to make friends when not actively out in the workforce.
Last edited by nobodysbusiness; 12-14-2019 at 08:30 PM..
I know. I just find it hard to make friends when not activity out in the workforce.
Many (most?) people do. At the risk of sounding ridiculous or being misunderstood... maybe lower your standards. I don't mean hang out with people who treat you like crap... I mean, if you get along and have fun together and they don't treat you like crap... count them as friends, even if you're not soulmates.
(I know this has nothing to do with your OP. In that case, I don't think you owe her anything for her gift, and that includes a rekindling of the friendship. I don't think the gift means she expects anything, most likely. It was just a nice thing she did, because she knew you were in a tough situation. As far as her not letting you know when she was in town, there are many possible reasons for that, many of which you should not be offended by.)
Many (most?) people do. At the risk of sounding ridiculous or being misunderstood... maybe lower your standards. I don't mean hang out with people who treat you like crap... I mean, if you get along and have fun together and they don't treat you like crap... count them as friends, even if you're not soulmates.
(I know this has nothing to do with your OP. In that case, I don't think you owe her anything for her gift, and that includes a rekindling of the friendship. I don't think the gift means she expects anything, most likely. It was just a nice thing she did, because she knew you were in a tough situation. As far as her not letting you know when she was in town, there are many possible reasons for that, many of which you should not be offended by.)
That's what I did with the other friendship I wrote about - I was telling one of my children about her and she said "that's not a friend!" and I said "It's the best I can do - lol."
I wrote about the crude, opportunistic friend in another post . . . which made me think of this friend.
This is also someone I used to work with many moons ago. I got an ornament in the mail from her yesterday with a card. My dog died recently. It was a very nice gesture and I messaged her to thank her.
I haven't been encouraging this friend for a few years because of a couple of incidents.
She lives kind of far away from me, but has a vacation home near me. Whenever she would come to stay in the house, she would notify me - until she didn't. One time, I saw a posting on FB on a holiday - she was at a restaurant I had told her I was dying to go to - and she was with other friends I have met. I didn't get an invite, and was hurt. There was another holiday and a similar incident (she went to see fireworks with these other friends and I heard about it later).
I am a very emotional person and she is not. She brought that up one time - that she has a hard time talking about personal/emotional stuff. To me, that is what friendship is all about.
I don't want to say "I don't want to be friends with you because you are unemotional and you and your other friends went places I would have liked to have been invited to go." It just seems dumb and petty and the part about her being unemotional seems judgmental.
So I have withdrawn any energy from her - but now, she has reached out to me again through this ornament, and I "should" invite her to come visit me, but I don't feel I can be 100% myself around her and I don't trust her to not exclude me again. I realize in writing this how childish it sounds!!!
You're going to have a very tough time if this is what you need for a friendship to be good. Most people base friendship on shared experiences. Also the older we get the lower the chance of finding friends like that. This is no reason to toss her.
The thing is: I want to connect on a heart level and I don't think that's asking too much. I guess most people can't go there. Doesn't mean I am "wrong" for wanting that connection.
P.S. As you might notice: I don't have trouble "keeping friends." I have had a ton of friends and walked away from most of them for very legitimate reasons. I still have a host of friends, but not local and no real "heart" friends (people who can come and "hang out" with you and just enjoy your company).
Those don't sound like friends. Through life you will have very few real friends. Most of the people you interact with will only be acquaintances.
The thing is: I want to connect on a heart level and I don't think that's asking too much. I guess most people can't go there. Doesn't mean I am "wrong" for wanting that connection.
P.S. As you might notice: I don't have trouble "keeping friends." I have had a ton of friends and walked away from most of them for very legitimate reasons. I still have a host of friends, but not local and no real "heart" friends (people who can come and "hang out" with you and just enjoy your company).
It can be difficult to make new friends, especially as we get older. But that doesn't mean you have to settle for the ones that you are having an issue with, and who upset you. Try your best to make some new friends.... clean slate... and the more friends you have around, the less you will be concerned about these other two (I replied to your other post). Good luck.
That's what I did with the other friendship I wrote about - I was telling one of my children about her and she said "that's not a friend!" and I said "It's the best I can do - lol."
Well, that doesn't fit my definition above at all. I said if they DON'T treat you like crap and if you enjoy being around them.
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