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Honestly, I'm just confused. I know people aren't perfect - do people who maintain longterm friendships just ignore the slights and injustices and suck it up and pretend to maintain the friendship? Or do they "talk about it?" In this case, I would never bring up that she slighted me with the restaurant and the holidays because it would show entitlement on my part and kind of neediness. And saying anything about her being unemotional would be rude and judgmental.
I think the ornament could be her way of asking to come back into my life. I could invite her to go out to dinner the next time she is in town.
P.S. I wasn't a good friend to her either - when she had cancer, I did not go to see her. I don't know why - she lives a long ways away so that's part of it. The other part is I didn't feel I was that good of friends with her at that time - but it does show I have a ****ty side.
To have a friend, you have to *be* a friend. It doesn't sound to me like you were much of a friend when she needed you. But now you get butthurt when she doesn't invite you to an event.
I don't think one kind gesture means lets be besties. It sounds like you are more interested in the friendship than she is. What would be childish is for you to say I don't want to be friends with you because you have a different definition of friendship than I do. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing relationship. See her if she invites you, or not if you're busy. See her if you invite her or not if she's busy. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that.
Hugs about your dog. That's rough. I lost my 5 year old cat in October and I still have bad days about it and will for a long time. It's a difficult situation and may be playing into your being too sensitive. Give yourself time to heal. If you're like me, losing a pet is catastrophic.
You're going to have a very tough time if this is what you need for a friendship to be good. Most people base friendship on shared experiences. Also the older we get the lower the chance of finding friends like that. This is no reason to toss her.
What does 'not encouraging' her mean?
I had previously asked her to go on a trip with me (thank God, she did not take me up on it). Just recently she messaged me that she is ready to go on that trip and I just gave the "thumbs up" sign. That is "not encouraging" her, but not being outright rude and saying "I would never travel with you now," which is how I feel.
To have a friend, you have to *be* a friend. It doesn't sound to me like you were much of a friend when she needed you. But now you get butthurt when she doesn't invite you to an event.
You're right. I was NOT a friend during that time and I know it. My reason (or excuse) doesn't matter but I was under a lot of stress with family issues and I can't deal with some illnesses (I have done this before with someone - I just CAN'T handle some illnesses in others). Before you chastise me, I managed care for both of my elderly parents and WAS there for them - so I WILL do it sometimes, but it's really hard for me.
I don't think one kind gesture means lets be besties. It sounds like you are more interested in the friendship than she is. What would be childish is for you to say I don't want to be friends with you because you have a different definition of friendship than I do. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing relationship. See her if she invites you, or not if you're busy. See her if you invite her or not if she's busy. It doesn't have to be more complicated than that.
Hugs about your dog. That's rough. I lost my 5 year old cat in October and I still have bad days about it and will for a long time. It's a difficult situation and may be playing into your being too sensitive. Give yourself time to heal. If you're like me, losing a pet is catastrophic.
I see it as a great effort on her part and a way of extending the olive branch. Since I was all butt hurt a few years ago, I have been distant with her and have not invited her over to my house, or suggested we go out to dinner (as I had before), and I think this ornament was a way for her to extend herself to tell me she cares about me.
Thanks for the condolences on my dog. It has been devastating and just a few months. I miss him terribly. Your loss is recent and grieving is not linear. It's hard to lose a loved one. Best to you.
I see it as a great effort on her part and a way of extending the olive branch. Since I was all butt hurt a few years ago, I have been distant with her and have not invited her over to my house, or suggested we go out to dinner (as I had before), and I think this ornament was a way for her to extend herself to tell me she cares about me.
Thanks for the condolences on my dog. It has been devastating and just a few months. I miss him terribly. Your loss is recent and grieving is not linear. It's hard to lose a loved one. Best to you.
You know her better than we do. If that is what you’re feeling, why not reach out to her and ask her to go to dinner next time she’s in town? That said you can’t be upset when she goes out with other people and doesn’t invite you. Everybody cannot be included. I wonder, if somebody in that friend group does not care for you? And perhaps that’s why you’re not included? However, she still really enjoys the friendship. Different friend groups can create challenging dynamics. Or could it be that she’s better friends with that group, and doesn’t have enough time to meet and see everybody when she is visiting?
You can see there’s so many scenarios everybody can come up with. You have to decide if you want her to be your friend knowing everything that you know. This means if she comes into the area and doesn’t invite you out you have to accept her they way she is.
You know her better than we do. If that is what you’re feeling, why not reach out to her and ask her to go to dinner next time she’s in town? That said you can’t be upset when she goes out with other people and doesn’t invite you. Everybody cannot be included. I wonder, if somebody in that friend group does not care for you? And perhaps that’s why you’re not included? However, she still really enjoys the friendship. Different friend groups can create challenging dynamics. Or could it be that she’s better friends with that group, and doesn’t have enough time to meet and see everybody when she is visiting?
You can see there’s so many scenarios everybody can come up with. You have to decide if you want her to be your friend knowing everything that you know. This means if she comes into the area and doesn’t invite you out you have to accept her they way she is.
Thank you. I only met her other friends once in real life (am FB friends with one of them). It was at her vacation house - the other two people there were sisters and heavy, heavy drinkers. It's possible they might not like me - probably more likely is that my friend is different with them than she is with me (more partying with them).
I also think she deliberately snubbed me as kind of a passive-aggressive way of dealing with some feelings she might not have been able to express directly.
Ha ha on the "best friend/business partner needed space." Is that why she vacated her apartment and LEFT NO FORWARDING ADDRESS - even to her husband and son? Okay! Good to know!
As for me being "needy" - no, I am a very thoughtful friend. I never impose on others and try to give something in the relationship. I am a great friend. I just go deep - but that is different than needy. Thanks for taking time out of your day!
Based on your many threads, I think your perceptions about people are "off" a lot of times. For example, why were you the one to file the missing person's report and not her husband? Why did you think that was your place?
Thank you. I only met her other friends once in real life (am FB friends with one of them). It was at her vacation house - the other two people there were sisters and heavy, heavy drinkers. It's possible they might not like me - probably more likely is that my friend is different with them than she is with me (more partying with them).
I also think she deliberately snubbed me as kind of a passive-aggressive way of dealing with some feelings she might not have been able to express directly.
It sounds like what Veuvegirl is describing - that she went out with a 'group' of friends. You may have met them once, but that doesn't mean you're in their group - and not being invited means nothing.
Yet you're LOOKING for something to be negative about saying you think she deliberately snubbed you as a kind of passive-aggressive way of dealing with some feelings she might not have been able to express directly?
I don't think this woman did anything wrong. She is not the problem.
Thank you. I only met her other friends once in real life (am FB friends with one of them). It was at her vacation house - the other two people there were sisters and heavy, heavy drinkers. It's possible they might not like me - probably more likely is that my friend is different with them than she is with me (more partying with them).
I also think she deliberately snubbed me as kind of a passive-aggressive way of dealing with some feelings she might not have been able to express directly.
I think you are looking way too deep. You are not friends with those people. Why would she invite you? You're being really possessive like when she is in town she has to include you in everything she does.
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