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I think you are looking way too deep. You are not friends with those people. Why would she invite you? You're being really possessive like when she is in town she has to include you in everything she does.
Agree. Must be an exhausting way to go through life...always seeing or searching for deliberate snubs/ulterior motives in everything others do. The truth is, we just aren't that important to most of the people we casually know.
Based on your many threads, I think your perceptions about people are "off" a lot of times. For example, why were you the one to file the missing person's report and not her husband? Why did you think that was your place?
If you must know, it was because she had left her husband and rented an apartment. The way I found out she was missing, is her husband came to visit me to tell me - and he told me this very bizarre story about someone he said had been stalking her. I advised him to file a missing person's report, but for some reason he wanted me to do it - we had been business partners, and I thought best friends. I drove by her apartment, and it was completely vacant - and, as I said, we were friends and had been in touch, so it was shocking and I was worried.
Is that sufficient or is there something else you would like to know?
I wrote about the crude, opportunistic friend in another post . . . which made me think of this friend.
This is also someone I used to work with many moons ago. I got an ornament in the mail from her yesterday with a card. My dog died recently. It was a very nice gesture and I messaged her to thank her.
I haven't been encouraging this friend for a few years because of a couple of incidents.
She lives kind of far away from me, but has a vacation home near me. Whenever she would come to stay in the house, she would notify me - until she didn't. One time, I saw a posting on FB on a holiday - she was at a restaurant I had told her I was dying to go to - and she was with other friends I have met. I didn't get an invite, and was hurt. There was another holiday and a similar incident (she went to see fireworks with these other friends and I heard about it later).
I am a very emotional person and she is not. She brought that up one time - that she has a hard time talking about personal/emotional stuff. To me, that is what friendship is all about.
I don't want to say "I don't want to be friends with you because you are unemotional and you and your other friends went places I would have liked to have been invited to go." It just seems dumb and petty and the part about her being unemotional seems judgmental.
So I have withdrawn any energy from her - but now, she has reached out to me again through this ornament, and I "should" invite her to come visit me, but I don't feel I can be 100% myself around her and I don't trust her to not exclude me again. I realize in writing this how childish it sounds!!!
I can't be 100% myself around my best friend because I am very emotional and she isn't, but it doesn't matter to go out to dinner. Do you have to include a bunch of emotional stuff to enjoy dinner? I don't get it.
There is no need to trust her not to include you again. You are not a part of that group. She isn't doing anything wrong by not including you.
That is an odd grudge to hold. And you're harming yourself. She sounds like a GOOD friend to me. She isn't holding a grudge that you didn't go see her when she had cancer. She sent you a kind and thoughtful gift showing her feelings for you and your loss. She wants to go on that trip with you.
Thank you. I only met her other friends once in real life (am FB friends with one of them). It was at her vacation house - the other two people there were sisters and heavy, heavy drinkers. It's possible they might not like me - probably more likely is that my friend is different with them than she is with me (more partying with them).
I also think she deliberately snubbed me as kind of a passive-aggressive way of dealing with some feelings she might not have been able to express directly.
You are seriously reading way too much into her actions. I have an ex friend who acted very similar to what you’re posting. She’s an ex friend because she kept thinking the worst of all my actions, to the point of texting me a very nasty message because she felt she wasn’t invited to an event she thought I put together. She did this constantly and it was tiresome. This sounds exactly what you are doing.
You are seriously reading way too much into her actions. I have an ex friend who acted very similar to what you’re posting. She’s an ex friend because she kept thinking the worst of all my actions, to the point of texting me a very nasty message because she felt she wasn’t invited to an event she thought I put together. She did this constantly and it was tiresome. This sounds exactly what you are doing.
This kind of thing sounds high maintenance and exhausting.
You are seriously reading way too much into her actions. I have an ex friend who acted very similar to what you’re posting. She’s an ex friend because she kept thinking the worst of all my actions, to the point of texting me a very nasty message because she felt she wasn’t invited to an event she thought I put together. She did this constantly and it was tiresome. This sounds exactly what you are doing.
Another person projecting. I never said anything at all to her about it.
I can't be 100% myself around my best friend because I am very emotional and she isn't, but it doesn't matter to go out to dinner. Do you have to include a bunch of emotional stuff to enjoy dinner? I don't get it.
There is no need to trust her not to include you again. You are not a part of that group. She isn't doing anything wrong by not including you.
That is an odd grudge to hold. And you're harming yourself. She sounds like a GOOD friend to me. She isn't holding a grudge that you didn't go see her when she had cancer. She sent you a kind and thoughtful gift showing her feelings for you and your loss. She wants to go on that trip with you.
Just go or at least invite her to dinner!
The "emotional" thing is just being authentic about what's going on in your life, not breaking out in tears at dinner.
I don't think she and I have much in common.
She is a nice person and the gift was very thoughtful. It just got me thinking, but I doubt I will reach out to her at this point. Just no energy to really pursue anything.
I'm not "holding a grudge" - it's different: I just lost some trust. It isn't a big deal. I thought she was one kind of friend and she was another kind and I wasn't the best friend to her either, so we're even.
It has been helpful to me to process this, so I thank everyone for responses.
Funny how people project their own issues onto others . . . the thing is I never said a word to her. She has no clue I was hurt over this.
How am I projecting anything? I'm responding to what she said she went through with her friend.
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