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When you know in your deepest soul that the person isn’t really a friend.
When the only time they connect with you is when they are in need.
When they have let you down every time you have counted on them and you have never let them down.....
But they really are lonely, or have health issues, and have run out of resources and they need your money, or for you to stop you life to take care of them — yes you have the ability to provide these things.
hHw do you deal with the struggle between compassion, enjoying your own life and preserving your own inner balance? I’m floundering.......and wondering why I feel guilt by avoiding this person’s phone calls.
I guess I've never had a problem cutting users like that out of my life. I happen to know that their "loneliness" and "health issues" are frequently exaggerated and twisted to manipulate others.
What's weird is having compassion for people who lie and take advantage of you.
Perhaps instead of completely cutting this person out of your life, knowing they have nobody else, you'd feel more comfortable slowly weaning her out of your life?
Don't pick up every call, but pick up the sixth call, maybe? And make it clear you've got new responsibilities that are keeping you busy.
This way you can help her from time to time without cutting her completely out but you'll get your life back again.
When you know in your deepest soul that the person isn’t really a friend.
When the only time they connect with you is when they are in need.
When they have let you down every time you have counted on them and you have never let them down.....
You have problems cutting off people like that from your life?
Heck, I just stop communicating with them. Simple as that.
Perhaps instead of completely cutting this person out of your life, knowing they have nobody else, you'd feel more comfortable slowly weaning her out of your life?
Don't pick up every call, but pick up the sixth call, maybe? And make it clear you've got new responsibilities that are keeping you busy.
This way you can help her from time to time without cutting her completely out but you'll get your life back again.
That’s what I have been doing for the past decade..... Thing is, she’ll still reach out and every time she does its never to check in and ask how I’m doing or just chat. Always wants something from me. So, she still sees me as a resource.
When you know in your deepest soul that the person isn’t really a friend.
When the only time they connect with you is when they are in need.
When they have let you down every time you have counted on them and you have never let them down.....
But they really are lonely, or have health issues, and have run out of resources and they need your money, or for you to stop you life to take care of them — yes you have the ability to provide these things.
hHw do you deal with the struggle between compassion, enjoying your own life and preserving your own inner balance? I’m floundering.......and wondering why I feel guilt by avoiding this person’s phone calls.
Yes, you should feel guilty avoiding anyone's phone calls. Answer your phone and tell them the friendship is over. It is the decent thing to do.
Then you will no longer feel guilty, you will no longer feel weird when the phone rings and you will no longer feel sheepish. You will feel a wave of relief because this person is gone and you have closure and so does the other person.
I despise ghosting, flaking, hiding ... be honest. Be sincere. Don't let other's wonder or even worry about you because you disappear.
Manners and decency are rare in our current culture. Cowardice and sheepish behavior rules the world. Be an exception and do the right thing.
That’s what I have been doing for the past decade..... Thing is, she’ll still reach out and every time she does its never to check in and ask how I’m doing or just chat. Always wants something from me. So, she still sees me as a resource.
Nope, actually she sees you as a weak-willed pushover.
I find it astonishing that you've let this go on for a DECADE. She must be really good at this. I almost admire her.
I actually moved to a new town to cut two toxic people out of my life. They were my neighbors on either side in a 5-plex we all lived in. One was a bad alcoholic and the other was an alcoholic also with a tendency toward sociopathy. One or the other of them was always pounding on my door in the middle of the night or hitting me up for cash if they happened to encounter me in the laundry room, etc. I never have felt so much relief in my life as when I was finally moved into my new apartment in my new town. Needless to say, I didn't tell either of them where I was going and I changed my phone number.
I can be a push over for a while, but when it starts to feel too toxic, I'm gone. I agree with letting go of your current "friend" gradually. Be firm about it and I'd bet a 100 bucks that said friend will have found themselves a new victim to leach off of by time you're done. Good luck!
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