Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It would've been great having a big family united after getting married but that'll never happen. Ironically, my mom was well-liked (even adored and treated as a daughter) by my father's parents when they were alive. I think she used to be different long ago.
Logically if you were treated great by your in-laws when you were young, it makes sense to treat your child's partner good too when you're the future in-law yourself.
So your mother's in-laws were modeling loving behavior and you think it should have rubbed off on your mom. Sometimes that happens. But you yourself mentioned your "parents' constant arguments and dysfunctional marriage." A continual state of warfare changes people, and not for the better.
Why haven't your parents split up? It seems like it would be best for everyone, including you.
Lying is generally not a good thing, but you sure raised the lousy level by putting these lies on your bf. Like, why?!?!
Exactly. What is the point of lying? Your mom and your boyfriend don't have to be BFFs, but they do have to be civil with each other if they're in your life. If your mother's behavior affects your relationship with your boyfriend (who will be your husband,) then you limit your interactions with your mother. You don't have to make up stories and lie.
So your mother's in-laws were modeling loving behavior and you think it should have rubbed off on your mom. Sometimes that happens. But you yourself mentioned your "parents' constant arguments and dysfunctional marriage." A continual state of warfare changes people, and not for the better.
Why haven't your parents split up? It seems like it would be best for everyone, including you.
My father is the one that doesn't want to split up nor divorce her. My mom belives she's stuck on the marriage and won't divorce because she's embarrassed of what our other family members will say. In addition, my grandma (her mother) doesn't believe in divorce and has insisted that she continues her marriage.
My father is the one that doesn't want to split up nor divorce her. My mom belives she's stuck on the marriage and won't divorce because she's embarrassed of what our other family members will say. In addition, my grandma (her mother) doesn't believe in divorce and has insisted that she continues her marriage.
As sweet as Grandma might be, it's none of her business what your parents do about their marriage.
Yes, by all means, everyone should continue to be miserable. Wouldn't want to bring shame and embarrassment on the family. Normal, loving people scream at each other all the time. LOL!
If I were you, I'd get as far away from these people as possible, and keep going.
Exactly. What is the point of lying? Your mom and your boyfriend don't have to be BFFs, but they do have to be civil with each other if they're in your life. If your mother's behavior affects your relationship with your boyfriend (who will be your husband,) then you limit your interactions with your mother. You don't have to make up stories and lie.
There was no point. It really doesn't benefit me at all. I let my emotions gets the best of me.
I'm working on moving out. That's my main goal this year. Sometimes I feel as if my life is a soap opera.
My mom and bf haven't had the best relationship in the past. He had issues with her. Then again, my mom is prone to arguing with others so it's not new. Some people don't get along with her.
Recently I've been angry about several things; my parents' constant arguments and dysfunctional marriage, my mom lying in her promise ''I'm gonna start to like him (my bf)'' just because I was recovering from a surgery and things in the past.
My bf was previously hurt by my mother's awful treatment in the past but I elaborated the version and added things never said. I made her believe:
- Him saying: I only have your mom on my fb because of you, otherwise I hate her.
- That he really wanted to call her the b word and has said it to me.
- That he would be happy if she got excluded in our wedding.
At the moment the goal was to successfully have him all to myself if we get married (only have my grandma included, whom always liked him), expose her dislike towards him and her fake promise/truce and basically add more fuel to the fire. It was basically a ''screw it all, you don't have to fake it anymore and I don't care if you're not in my wedding, don't even come'' moment.
My mom and bf haven't had the best relationship in the past. He had issues with her. Then again, my mom is prone to arguing with others so it's not new. Some people don't get along with her.
Recently I've been angry about several things; my parents' constant arguments and dysfunctional marriage, my mom lying in her promise ''I'm gonna start to like him (my bf)'' just because I was recovering from a surgery and things in the past.
My bf was previously hurt by my mother's awful treatment in the past but I elaborated the version and added things never said. I made her believe:
- Him saying: I only have your mom on my fb because of you, otherwise I hate her.
- That he really wanted to call her the b word and has said it to me.
- That he would be happy if she got excluded in our wedding.
At the moment the goal was to successfully have him all to myself if we get married (only have my grandma included, whom always liked him), expose her dislike towards him and her fake promise/truce and basically add more fuel to the fire. It was basically a ''screw it all, you don't have to fake it anymore and I don't care if you're not in my wedding, don't even come'' moment.
Wait, you have told lies about him to your mother to purposely try to get her to hate him??? Why would you do that? That is majorly screwed up.
You're right. I'm worsening things between my mom and bf. After all that would be the perfect reason for any mother to hate their child's partner. All I did was reconfirm her stance on him being not good enough, making her dislike him more.
It was a moment where I just wasn't thinking rationally anymore.
This site is like my 2nd home where I can fully express myself.
I think that about sums it up - you weren't thinking rationally. But that is a bad excuse for spiteful behaviour.
I think you have done both yourself and your boyfriend a great disservice by lying about him to your mother to make him seem worse than he really is. That's worse than lying and trying to make somebody sound better than they really are. What you did is going to turn around and bite you in the butt. Your goal was to have him all to yourself and you could end up losing him forever because of your lies in order to make your mother feel bad about herself.
I think you need to fess up to your mother. Tell her the truth about what you did and ask her to be more forgiving in her opinions of your boyfriend and to overlook your own lack of rationality. I don't know how you feel about telling your boyfriend the truth but whether you tell him or not the problem you will deal with in the future is that eventually he's still going to find out what you did.
If you don't tell your mother the truth and get forgiveness from her then one day your mother is going to be the one to get spiteful and she'll tell your boyfriend what you told her about him.
Will he think you can be trusted to not ever stop thinking rationally again? Will he maybe think you could tell lies about him to somebody else some time in the future to make him sound bad and disreputable again?
You’re doing the same things you say you hate about your mom.
It’s bad.
There is serious dysfunction at play here. The OP is a compulsive liar, and has admitted to being an online troll.
What a waste of the one life you are given.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
