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Sounds like you probably could relate to your mother better than you think. Has it ever occurred to you that she likely has the same thought process?
Such a thought process is toxic.
Perhaps. She's stubborn till the end. I'm like that too sometimes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim in FL
Wait, hold on!! You’re 32 and acting like this?!?! Crap on a cracker I thought you were 18-19 yrs old!! I don’t think you’re mature enough to handle a marriage and God forbid a child. Grow up first and then think about getting married and having kids.
If my 32 yr old acted like this Id get her professional help.
I think the issue is I've never known what it was like to really be independent. The more time I'm wasting with my parents and at a location I never wanted to be at, the worse. Sometimes I still feel as if I were in my early 20's. It's unfortunate I can't have my youth back.
Perhaps. She's stubborn till the end. I'm like that too sometimes.
I think the issue is I've never known what it was like to really be independent. The more time I'm wasting with my parents and at a location I never wanted to be at, the worse. Sometimes I still feel as if I were in my early 20's. It's unfortunate I can't have my youth back.
And whose fault is that? Who do you blame for being 32 and living at home acting like a teenager?
My mom and bf haven't had the best relationship in the past. He had issues with her. Then again, my mom is prone to arguing with others so it's not new. Some people don't get along with her.
Recently I've been angry about several things; my parents' constant arguments and dysfunctional marriage, my mom lying in her promise ''I'm gonna start to like him (my bf)'' just because I was recovering from a surgery and things in the past.
My bf was previously hurt by my mother's awful treatment in the past but I elaborated the version and added things never said. I made her believe:
- Him saying: I only have your mom on my fb because of you, otherwise I hate her.
- That he really wanted to call her the b word and has said it to me.
- That he would be happy if she got excluded in our wedding.
At the moment the goal was to successfully have him all to myself if we get married (only have my grandma included, whom always liked him), expose her dislike towards him and her fake promise/truce and basically add more fuel to the fire. It was basically a ''screw it all, you don't have to fake it anymore and I don't care if you're not in my wedding, don't even come'' moment.
Let's see...
You're wrong to accuse her of "lying." That's very unreasonable of you. Maybe she did try to like him but finds he's an awful person.
So what if "some people don't get along with" your mother? She's not obliged to be chummy with the whole world.
You and your BF both sound so petty that it makes me wonder how old you are. By the way, apart from complaining that your mother isn't making enough effort to suit you - how much effort has your BF made to win her over?
By the way, apart from complaining that your mother isn't making enough effort to suit you - how much effort has your BF made to win her over?
He gave up on impressing people (including my mother) a long while back. He now finds that a waste of time and not worth it anymore. His heart closed on people that hurt him in the past, on those that lied to him, never paid his money back or if it's someone he had too much trouble with. He doesn't want to deal with negativity.
If she doesn't like him, he doesn't care anymore. However, what he doesn't want is disrespect and if she ever directly insults him again (or is super antagonizing) like in the past, he's not going to be nice anymore. He's a believer that respect is mutual. His stance by now is an ''Respect me and we're ok, if you don't respect me then why should I respect you''.
He gave up on impressing people (including my mother) a long while back. He now finds that a waste of time and not worth it anymore. His heart closed on people that hurt him in the past, on those that lied to him, never paid his money back or if it's someone he had too much trouble with. He doesn't want to deal with negativity.
If she doesn't like him, he doesn't care anymore. However, what he doesn't want is disrespect and if she ever directly insults him again (or is super antagonizing) like in the past, he's not going to be nice anymore. He's a believer that respect is mutual. His stance by now is an ''Respect me and we're ok, if you don't respect me then why should I respect you''.
All three of you need professional help.
Get out of your parents house, dump the boyfriend and GROW UP!! You have no right being in an adult relationship when you have zero idea how to act like an adult yourself.
Your bf is eliminating people from his life and creating boundaries. That sounds good, no need in keeping crappy people in your life. But this ‘you respect me I’ll respect you crap’, it’s just that..crap. You give respect whether or not it’s returned.. you don’t stomp your foot like a toddler and demand it.
That's one of the main reasons I'm saving more money.
As for my bf demanding respect, isn't that the least you would want if haven't wronged the person in any manner and did nothing to deserve their negative behavior and ill treatment? Isn't treating others how you would like to be treated the basic logic?
Even my grandmother (mom's mother) thinks my mom shares most of the blame. She said it herself that her daughter (mom) isn't an easy person and makes things difficult for her and others sometimes.
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I don’t think you’re mature enough to handle a marriage and God forbid a child. Grow up first and then think about getting married and having kids. 
