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My mom and bf haven't had the best relationship in the past. He had issues with her. Then again, my mom is prone to arguing with others so it's not new. Some people don't get along with her.
Recently I've been angry about several things; my parents' constant arguments and dysfunctional marriage, my mom lying in her promise ''I'm gonna start to like him (my bf)'' just because I was recovering from a surgery and things in the past.
My bf was previously hurt by my mother's awful treatment in the past but I elaborated the version and added things never said. I made her believe:
- Him saying: I only have your mom on my fb because of you, otherwise I hate her.
- That he really wanted to call her the b word and has said it to me.
- That he would be happy if she got excluded in our wedding.
At the moment the goal was to successfully have him all to myself if we get married (only have my grandma included, whom always liked him), expose her dislike towards him and her fake promise/truce and basically add more fuel to the fire. It was basically a ''screw it all, you don't have to fake it anymore and I don't care if you're not in my wedding, don't even come'' moment.
My mom and bf haven't had the best relationship in the past. He had issues with her. Then again, my mom is prone to arguing with others so it's not new. Some people don't get along with her.
Recently I've been angry about several things; my parents' constant arguments and dysfunctional marriage, my mom lying in her promise ''I'm gonna start to like him (my bf)'' just because I was recovering from a surgery and things in the past.
My bf was previously hurt by my mother's awful treatment in the past but I elaborated the version and added things never said. I made her believe:
- Him saying: I only have your mom on my fb because of you, otherwise I hate her.
- That he really wanted to call her the b word and has said it to me.
- That he would be happy if she got excluded in our wedding.
At the moment the goal was to successfully have him all to myself if we get married (only have my grandma included, whom always liked him), expose her dislike towards him and her fake promise/truce and basically add more fuel to the fire. It was basically a ''screw it all, you don't have to fake it anymore and I don't care if you're not in my wedding, don't even come'' moment.
You’re doing the same things you say you hate about your mom.
Look, I lived with someone who lies frequently, then staunchly denies it when you expose the lie and wants to argue about it. Sound familiar? I thought, "OK, if you're going to lie to me, I'll lie right back at you." Going down that rabbit hole was not a pleasant experience. You start to lose yourself.
Trust me, your mother and my other are not the people any healthy person wants to emulate.
My mom and bf haven't had the best relationship in the past. He had issues with her. Then again, my mom is prone to arguing with others so it's not new. Some people don't get along with her.
Recently I've been angry about several things; my parents' constant arguments and dysfunctional marriage, my mom lying in her promise ''I'm gonna start to like him (my bf)'' just because I was recovering from a surgery and things in the past.
My bf was previously hurt by my mother's awful treatment in the past but I elaborated the version and added things never said. I made her believe:
- Him saying: I only have your mom on my fb because of you, otherwise I hate her.
- That he really wanted to call her the b word and has said it to me.
- That he would be happy if she got excluded in our wedding.
At the moment the goal was to successfully have him all to myself if we get married (only have my grandma included, whom always liked him), expose her dislike towards him and her fake promise/truce and basically add more fuel to the fire. It was basically a ''screw it all, you don't have to fake it anymore and I don't care if you're not in my wedding, don't even come'' moment.
If those 3 things are not "major"... Then... Yea... I don't know what to say other than you're pretty dysfunctional and you're not helping your situation.
It would've been great having a big family united after getting married but that'll never happen. Ironically, my mom was well-liked (even adored and treated as a daughter) by my father's parents when they were alive. I think she used to be different long ago.
Logically if you were treated great by your in-laws when you were young, it makes sense to treat your child's partner good too when you're the future in-law yourself. Oh well. I was too hurt at that moment.
If those 3 things are not "major"... Then... Yea... I don't know what to say other than you're pretty dysfunctional and you're not helping your situation.
You're right. I'm worsening things between my mom and bf. After all that would be the perfect reason for any mother to hate their child's partner. All I did was reconfirm her stance on him being not good enough, making her dislike him more.
It was a moment where I just wasn't thinking rationally anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
Why did you even ask if this was bad? Are you really so ethically and morally challenged that you don't know the answer?
This site is like my 2nd home where I can fully express myself.
You're right. I'm worsening things between my mom and bf. After all that would be the perfect reason for any mother to hate their child's partner. All I did was reconfirm her stance on him being not good enough, making her dislike him more.
It was a moment where I just wasn't thinking rationally anymore.
This site is like my 2nd home where I can fully express myself.
So it was a rhetorical question, not really needing an answer from the peanut gallery? OK.
My mom and bf haven't had the best relationship in the past. He had issues with her. Then again, my mom is prone to arguing with others so it's not new. Some people don't get along with her.
Recently I've been angry about several things; my parents' constant arguments and dysfunctional marriage, my mom lying in her promise ''I'm gonna start to like him (my bf)'' just because I was recovering from a surgery and things in the past.
My bf was previously hurt by my mother's awful treatment in the past but I elaborated the version and added things never said. I made her believe:
- Him saying: I only have your mom on my fb because of you, otherwise I hate her.
- That he really wanted to call her the b word and has said it to me.
- That he would be happy if she got excluded in our wedding.
At the moment the goal was to successfully have him all to myself if we get married (only have my grandma included, whom always liked him), expose her dislike towards him and her fake promise/truce and basically add more fuel to the fire. It was basically a ''screw it all, you don't have to fake it anymore and I don't care if you're not in my wedding, don't even come'' moment.
Ant time you lie to benefit yourself, or to hurt someone else, you are doing a bad thing.
It's one thing to be kind ("Honey that dress doesn't do you justice" vs "Yes you do look FAT in that dress!') but to outright lie about something is morally wrong and unfair.
I've experienced small lies and whopper lies from people and even small lies are a turnoff and introduce distrust. Once that trust is gone, it's gone.
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