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My daughter's boyfriend has done some work on a home for a home owner that just moved into the area from a big city. The owners have a garage apartment attached to their home that they rent to someone from the city that lives there occasionally.
The occasional renter has given my daughter's boyfriend a motorcycle, which he said was because he was too old to use it and it has bad memories. (I guess I could understand why he might do this.)
What is beginning to look like red flags to me is that he has also given him $200 cash a couple times because he said that my daughter's boyfriend is a nice person and he deserves it.
To me, this doesn't seem normal and I'm worried about my daughter. Any comments?
Quote:
Originally Posted by meekawal
I guess I'm less appreciative than I should be and can't comprehend someone doing that in this day and age. I do understand the motorcycle because that makes more sense to me. The guy is in his 60's. He does not have dementia nor does he act weird. I worry about my daughter because I guess I'm too over protective. I've always experienced that, if someone does something nice, they're looking for something in return.
Oh, I completely understand! This isn't even the homeowner who's giving him the rewards for doing the work, but this renter who's pretty much a stranger is giving your daughter's BF all this stuff. I truly understand your wariness. You can't trust people & who knows if this guy's up to something. How does anyone know that that motorcyle wasn't involved in a crime or something & the guy wants to get it off his hands quickly & turn the ownership over to some sucker? Nobody knows.
Well, if the BF took the motorcycle & money already, I'd really wish he was smart enough to NOT accept those things in the 1st place. However, just to be completely DONE w/ the situation, I'd strongly advice the BF to NOT do any more work, just stay out of all this completely, & definintely to NOT accept anything else from this strange renter.
What does your daughter think about this stranger giving her BF all this stuff? You being her mother must have raised her to be equally as cautious about people & their possible alterior motives & for her to have common sense about things like this, right? I hope she doesn't think this is just all in your head.
The only thing I've seen similar to this is my fiance's sister was straight-out given an SUV from their (my fiance' & his sister's) mother's good friend. But that was a GOOD friend who gave her the vehicle. In YOUR situation, the renter is a stranger to your daughter's BF before he started doing work on the house, I assume.
The world is full of people who will quickly take advantage if they have the slightest opportunity. One should be aware and a bit cautious, carefully analyzing a stranger's motives. Often it isn't nearly as blatant as offering to give you a cupcake if you will only walk down the dark alley with them.
OP, I suggest that you simply talk it over with your daughter, all the possible implications. Just forearm her so she has some awareness.
My first thought was that he was a lonely old gay who was paying for company. But he might simply be a lonely old man, living in a strange area, all by himself, and he is paying for a bright and lively young fellow to give him a little companionship.
One thing that I would be wondering about is whether or not the boyfriend is the one who is being quick to take advantage and maneuvering to get more gifts.
The world is full of people who will quickly take advantage if they have the slightest opportunity. One should be aware and a bit cautious, carefully analyzing a stranger's motives. Often it isn't nearly as blatant as offering to give you a cupcake if you will only walk down the dark alley with them.
OP, I suggest that you simply talk it over with your daughter, all the possible implications. Just forearm her so she has some awareness.
My first thought was that he was a lonely old gay who was paying for company. But he might simply be a lonely old man, living in a strange area, all by himself, and he is paying for a bright and lively young fellow to give him a little companionship.
One thing that I would be wondering about is whether or not the boyfriend is the one who is being quick to take advantage and maneuvering to get more gifts.
Great advice, but what I would add is the possibility that the boyfriend is not telling the truth about the reason that he has received the money from the man, as it might not be just because the man is "nice". He could be doing a variety of things to "earn" what is being given to him. I guess I would be more concerned about the boyfriend, than the older man intentions.
I think the 60 year old guy is paying it forward. That’s what I try to do, and I would be aghast if people started talking behind my back about ulterior motives.
There are plenty of scammers out there but most have sob stories and aren’t passing out $100 bills.
As long as the guy doesn’t ask your daughter’s boyfriend to drop off or mail any packages, I think there is nothing to worry about. I am curious about why the renter comes to town and if the homeowner knows him well.
Sorry about the neighbors who burglarized your house. BTW, keep an open mind, because it is not always who you think it is. Consider getting a Wyze camera, if you haven’t already. That brand is cheap and functional.
Last edited by Katyroadpink; 01-09-2021 at 03:32 PM..
I guess I'm less appreciative than I should be and can't comprehend someone doing that in this day and age. I do understand the motorcycle because that makes more sense to me. The guy is in his 60's. He does not have dementia nor does he act weird. I worry about my daughter because I guess I'm too over protective. I've always experienced that, if someone does something nice, they're looking for something in return.
First of all - folks in their 60 are not necessarily moving from a bike to a walker! How do you know all those things about someone the boyfriend of your daughter has done some work for?
My contractors know nothing about me but they "walked with" everything from hot tubs to a house full of brand new carpet.
OP, I won't say that you're wrong to be concerned about the motives of the boyfriend's acquaintance, but I wouldn't be concerned about your daughter, at least not without knowing more. If anything, I'd be concerned about the boyfriend. Generally speaking--and due to personal experience--I tend to not accept gifts from others. In my life, I've had way too many people try to call in favors due to their past "gifts." Granted, most have been happy to just give gifts and treat them as just that, but those who wanted something in return ruined things.
You said the boyfriend has done some work for the recent new homeowner who has just moved in, you did not say the BF had done any work for the "occasional" tenant who gave him the gifts. So the gifts are not any form of payment, they are simply gifts.
I don't think its abnormal for the tenant to give away gifts of property and cash to whoever he pleases to be generous to if that's what makes him happy and if he can afford it. I have met other generous people like that before.
The tenant is not the one I would be concerned about though, it's the motivations of the boyfriend that I'd be most concerned about. I would wonder if indeed they were truly gifts that he received, rather than payment for something that might be illegal or sexually related, or that BF lied to your daughter about them being gifts.
If they really were gifts I would still be inclined to wonder about the integrity, morals and motivations of the boyfriend for willingly accepting such lavish gifts from a virtual stranger, somebody that he obviously only met recently that he is only just barely acquainted with, who the BF is not doing any work for and who is only on the premises occasionally.
So in that regard I'd be concerned that the BF might be a scammer who realizes that the tenant is an emotionally and financially vulnerable person that can be taken advantage of by somebody with a convincing story about what a "deserving" person he is.
If the BF is a scammer who has no qualms about accepting lavish gifts and taking advantage of vulnerable people then I would be concerned about the BF's integrity and motivations towards your daughter and whether or not he has her best interests at heart. I'd be concerned about whatever bad examples the BF might be setting for your daughter and if there might be any chance at all of him getting her involved in some kind of serious trouble.
Do you get my drift and see where I'm going with this?
So ..... if it was my daughter - and regardless of how old she is, either teenager or adult - I do not believe that I would be being an overly-protective suspicious old busy-body when it comes to protecting my daughter or any other children of mine from potential trouble. It's a parent's responsibility to look out for their childrens' best interests. I'd be questioning her take on the situation more intensively and if anything about the BF seems 'off' or if she seems evasive or professes to not know things that she logically should know about him I would be suspicious and worried for her safety around him. So I'd be doing some serious investigating and background checking about the boyfriend and his reputation and up-bringing to find out if he is somebody that is either safe and moral or else dangerous and immoral for my daughter to be involved with.
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You know I wasn't thinking of it from that angle. Those are fair concerns regarding the boyfriend.
It could just be that the older guy has a lot of cash and no one to leave it to when he goes. I myself have a couple of neighbor kids a couple of doors down who, unlike many young people today, have a keen interest in cars, trucks, and motorcycles, and are "working on a shoestring" to keep their fleet maintained. I have a lot of stuff - hydraulic jacks, a torpedo heater, jack stands, a heavy bag, duplicate tools, etc. that are in nice shape from when I was younger, that I no longer use. I've been mulling giving these items to the younger guys when I move south, or giving them a really heavy discount on them, maybe even as payment for helping me move some stuff before I move. Again, kind of "paying it forward" for young guys who don't have much. I would have been thrilled had someone done this for me at that age, and it saves me the hassle of a yard sale. As someone said above, no harm in being nice to people.
I expect your brought your DD up to have some common sense. Let her use it. We don't know enough about the man or the bf to make a proper conclusion.
We moved homes about 18 months ago. Last year we were having some work/installations done, & gave the worker some stuff that the previous owners had left behind. We just wanted it gone, & he was happy to have it. No bad motives from us.
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