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On Christmas day, my family and my aunt and uncle on my mom's side all got together to do the usual Christmas festivities. When it came time to open presents, things went pretty well until I unwrapped one of my gifts. It was Cyberpunk 2077, a video game that I'd been looking forward to getting. I was excited about getting it, but not even thirty seconds after I had unwrapped it, my autistic cousin came barging in and tried to take the game from me. He started yelling that the game was his, but I wouldn't let go. We ended up in a tug-of-war over the game right in the middle of the living room and my mom and aunt broke it up.
My cousin started yelling that he's wanted that game for a while and that it's not fair that I received it before him. He then responded by locking himself in his room for the rest of the day. And get this: My parents were upset with me for being a 24 year old man and engaging in a tug-of-war over a video game, and my aunt and uncle also wanted me to give the game to my cousin, which I thought was completely unfair. I refused and things got pretty chilly between us afterwards.
Now it's almost two weeks later and my aunt, uncle, and cousin are still upset with me. My aunt and uncle don't want to see me until I apologize to my cousin and my parents have given this whole lecture about "appeasing" certain people in life. My mom has strongly suggested that I give the video game to my cousin and that he's "different", but I don't like that idea. I don't even see what I should apologize for. What should I do here?
I have a son with Asperger's. IF he had behaved as your cousin in a similar situation, I would've insisted that HE apologize to you. But my son has the ability to be reasoned with, and has a sense of right and wrong, etc. Maybe your cousin isn't as high functioning...I don't know.
But that still doesn't mean that he, or his parents are in the right here, and IMO, you don't owe them an apology, and you certainly shouldn't have to give up your game.
All that said...unless you ended up calling your cousin names, (which can happen in the heat of the moment), or YOU somehow misbehaved, exasperating the situation. If you did, than you apologize for that.
I have a son with Asperger's. IF he had behaved as your cousin in a similar situation, I would've insisted that HE apologize to you. But my son has the ability to be reasoned with, and has a sense of right and wrong, etc. Maybe your cousin isn't as high functioning...I don't know.
But that still doesn't mean that he, or his parents are in the right here, and IMO, you don't owe them an apology, and you certainly shouldn't have to give up your game.
All that said...unless you ended up calling your cousin names, (which can happen in the heat of the moment), or YOU somehow misbehaved, exasperating the situation. If you did, than you apologize for that.
Why don't his own parents buy him the game? Why would you need to hand over your present? I understand that he is autistic but that doesn't mean you need to sacrifice yourself (well, actually your toys) to appease him.
You should directly stand up for yourself by disengaging yourself from those relatives as much as possible.
Cut off the gift giving and let them know that you won't participate in exchanging gifts or visiting them if they continue to support this kind of behavior. They need to support you in your proper actions to your cousin.
if you can be independent of them, then do so. Such appeasement is not healthy as you know cause if you simply give in, they will figure that life it such that they can pretty much get what they want if they use their disability as a weapon.
Even many low functioning people can still recognize the difference between right and wrong for things. Things can still be earned and respected. Maybe the "requirements" and expectations need to be drastically different, but they can still be done in a way that you are and should still be respected.
If you are too dependent or co-dependent on your family, then you have to be prepared to (quietly) argue constantly or you will give in regardless of what people on here say, lol.
Dealing with children even though 'adults' that are easily triggered into a tantrum would be trying. But it is the parents responsibility to control them. I don't think if you really owe them an apology. Sounds like your parents pulled out the mandatory family loyalty card. You shouldn't have to play in a game like especially when older.
As far as seeing them that's a decision you have to make. I will say some have to be viewed or treated differently even if it's never spelled out. But do you owe them anything wether an apology or physical gift I think not. Your motivation should be as much appeasing your parents, not your aunts, uncles, cousins etc.
Last edited by anononcty; 01-06-2021 at 01:00 PM..
The aunt and uncle owe you an apology for their son's behavior.
It's pretty shocking that they would demand an apology from you and ask you to give him your Xmas gift.
It sounds like they might be a bit "autistic" too.
In the interest of family peace I would go ahead and apologize but not give him the gift.
Autistic or not, he should not be rewarded for that kind of behavior.
And avoid the whole family as much as possible in the future.
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