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Not sure if this is the right forum - feel free to move - might be psychology, but I thought since "other people" are the focus, it might also fit here.
I have had this issue a long time, and it's popping up again because someone I know who has done some very bad things is being portrayed as "good" and I am envious/jealous (which I understand is an ego issue for me).
I have never been able to understand how some people can do horrible things and still be "popular," or not have their public persona damaged.
It really gets to me because I try to do the right things and do not get any recognition for anything I do or have done, yet I know several people (this one in particular) who have done absolutely horrible things (which resulted in arrests) and seem to walk off scot free - no consequences.
In the larger scheme of things, I do believe in karma and believe this person will "pay the piper" in some way in the afterlife, or whatever (don't want to get into religious or spiritual beliefs, but just wanted to note I do have a a spiritual belief that this will all be sorted out down the road).
In this life, however, my inner child or whatever feels that "life is not fair," and that there should be real life consequences in this life that we can all see - and that "good" people should also be rewarded in this life. I do acknowledge these are very "young" beliefs, and that my adult part knows that life is not fair.
It just pains me to see another person looking good, enjoying life, etc., when they have been nothing less than terrible on many, many occasions.
How can I help myself not become jealous/envious/upset by this?
I think the person has a personality disorder and is alcoholic.
You're right - life isn't fair. It's one of the first lessons we learn in the school yard (if we still had school yards!). How we deal with this realization is what makes us the adults we become.
Internalizing anger and resentment about the other person only harms yourself. The other person is totally unaffected by your feelings.
People who create a toxic environment and hurt other people have no mechanism to care about your feelings or what impact their actions have on other people.
Try not to include such people in your environment and life circle.
Not sure if this is the right forum - feel free to move - might be psychology, but I thought since "other people" are the focus, it might also fit here.
I have had this issue a long time, and it's popping up again because someone I know who has done some very bad things is being portrayed as "good" and I am envious/jealous (which I understand is an ego issue for me).
I have never been able to understand how some people can do horrible things and still be "popular," or not have their public persona damaged.
It really gets to me because I try to do the right things and do not get any recognition for anything I do or have done, yet I know several people (this one in particular) who have done absolutely horrible things (which resulted in arrests) and seem to walk off scot free - no consequences.
In the larger scheme of things, I do believe in karma and believe this person will "pay the piper" in some way in the afterlife, or whatever (don't want to get into religious or spiritual beliefs, but just wanted to note I do have a a spiritual belief that this will all be sorted out down the road).
In this life, however, my inner child or whatever feels that "life is not fair," and that there should be real life consequences in this life that we can all see - and that "good" people should also be rewarded in this life. I do acknowledge these are very "young" beliefs, and that my adult part knows that life is not fair.
It just pains me to see another person looking good, enjoying life, etc., when they have been nothing less than terrible on many, many occasions.
How can I help myself not become jealous/envious/upset by this?
I think the person has a personality disorder and is alcoholic.
Well, there's a start. Be thankful you aren't them.
I know how you feel. I've had several people earlier in my life that I felt this way about, too, but now that I'm old and supposedly wiser, I know to let go when I feel that way and let God/The Universe/Karma/Fate/Whatevs deal with it.
I've seen some rotten people seem to skate through life, and I've seen others get what I personally thought they had coming to them. I honestly didn't get much pleasure from the latter, which surprised me.
You're right - life isn't fair. It's one of the first lessons we learn in the school yard (if we still had school yards!). How we deal with this realization is what makes us the adults we become.
Internalizing anger and resentment about the other person only harms yourself. The other person is totally unaffected by your feelings.
People who create a toxic environment and hurt other people have no mechanism to care about your feelings or what impact their actions have on other people.
Try not to include such people in your environment and life circle.
I'm talking about my "irrational" beliefs (coming from inner child perspective) and feelings. I have FEELINGS of jealously/envy - they just pop up when I see how this person is portrayed on social media and is out enjoying life - I KNOW logically that life is not fair, but my inner child does not know and she is pissed. I guess I will have a talk with her because she's really feeling upset and plain jealous.
Well, there's a start. Be thankful you aren't them.
I know how you feel. I've had several people earlier in my life that I felt this way about, too, but now that I'm old and supposedly wiser, I know to let go when I feel that way and let God/The Universe/Karma/Fate/Whatevs deal with it.
I've seen some rotten people seem to skate through life, and I've seen others get what I personally thought they had coming to them. I honestly didn't get much pleasure from the latter, which surprised me.
Yes. I actually do not want to see this person suffer!
A really young part of me is just jealous. I guess talking about it can help.
In the past I had a terrible boyfriend who I wished I could see get his karma, but I eventually was able to let go of that ego-driven want - with this person, I just feel so jealous. I FEEL like I could never get away with one of the things they have done - not one - would be hated, loathed, and ridiculed, but this person just skates away from the most outrageous things (I wish I could give a few examples but don't want to infringe on another person's privacy) - just really outlandish things and has been hauled off to jail a few times! And is always released. I just saw online there was one release for $10 bail! And it was for a serious crime!
Just venting at life being unfair, I guess. It does help to bring it to light because it is definitely my problem - not the other person's problem. I was just caught off guard by how jealous I am feeling. Feels like I have lost a competition.
Last edited by nobodysbusiness; 04-08-2021 at 05:03 PM..
That's... just the way life is. Good things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to good people. It doesn't do you any good to get angry about it being "unfair" because there's nothing you can do about it. Better to spend your energy on the "unfair" things you can change-- hunger, hate, bias, etc.-- and supporting the "good" people who have had bad things happen to them.
Maybe the people they are popular with aren't really all that stellar of character to be overlooking bad and/or criminal behavior. You are stuck with any undesirable relatives, but you can always find new friends with higher standards.
I'm talking about my "irrational" beliefs (coming from inner child perspective) and feelings. I have FEELINGS of jealously/envy - they just pop up when I see how this person is portrayed on social media and is out enjoying life - I KNOW logically that life is not fair, but my inner child does not know and she is pissed. I guess I will have a talk with her because she's really feeling upset and plain jealous.
I know, feelings are not always rational. As a matter of fact, this thread made me think about times when I did indeed feel good about something bad happening to somebody, despite my disclaimer to the contrary above, lol.
When I was in high school, I was the target of a lot of mockery. Remember that ugly girl you made fun of who wore glasses, had braces, the unruly hair, and really bad skin? Add being six feet tall by 14, skinny and flat-chested on top of that, and you have me. It was a small town and a small school. There was nowhere to hide. I spent most of high school wishing I was dead but afraid to kill myself.
Anyway, the guy who led the mockery was this very good-looking kid named Chris. He had all kinds of imaginative names for me. If I saw him in the corridor before he saw me, I would duck into a room or take a long way around and be late to class to avoid him.
So we graduated, grew up, moved away, life changed, etc., and I didn't think about him for years.
Then, when I was fifty, somebody told me that Chris had died of a heart attack. All those awful teenage memories came flooding back, and my first thought was GOOD. I AM SO GLAD HE IS DEAD.
Of course logic kicked in and I know I am not the same person I was back then and he probably wasn't, either. I read his obituary, and he didn't seem to have left any wife or partner or children, just his siblings. I have no idea what his life was like or why he was so mean when we were kids. But it was funny that I reacted at 50 the way I would have at 14, 15, 16 upon hearing of his death.
I know, feelings are not always rational. As a matter of fact, this thread made me think about times when I did indeed feel good about something bad happening to somebody, despite my disclaimer to the contrary above, lol.
When I was in high school, I was the target of a lot of mockery. Remember that ugly girl you made fun of who wore glasses, had braces, the unruly hair, and really bad skin? Add being six feet tall by 14, skinny and flat-chested on top of that, and you have me. It was a small town and a small school. There was nowhere to hide. I spent most of high school wishing I was dead but afraid to kill myself.
Anyway, the guy who led the mockery was this very good-looking kid named Chris. He had all kinds of imaginative names for me. If I saw him in the corridor before he saw me, I would duck into a room or take a long way around and be late to class to avoid him.
So we graduated, grew up, moved away, life changed, etc., and I didn't think about him for years.
Then, when I was fifty, somebody told me that Chris had died of a heart attack. All those awful teenage memories came flooding back, and my first thought was GOOD. I AM SO GLAD HE IS DEAD.
Of course logic kicked in and I know I am not the same person I was back then and he probably wasn't, either. I read his obituary, and he didn't seem to have left any wife or partner or children, just his siblings. I have no idea what his life was like or why he was so mean when we were kids. But it was funny that I reacted at 50 the way I would have at 14, 15, 16 upon hearing of his death.
I don't blame you one bit. How horrible that you had to suffer that as a child/teen - we're all just so vulnerable in school.
I actually left a really ritzy high school because I was standing in a crowd of kids, and some "poor" girl walked by and she was ridiculed for not having the right shoes (which at the time were Capezios). I was horrified on her behalf and changed to a more middle class school because I couldn't handle the plain snobbery and bullying. I was shocked that anyone would hurt someone intentionally. I still feel horrible for that girl.
Everybody has different values, so we can't expect others to share ours, just as we wouldn't want to be like others. So there's the whole freedom aspect. Unless they're committing crimes - which definitely would result in punishments - there's probably not much that can be done.
In the end, we have to keep our focus healthy and productive. Much in life and the world can't be changed, so why wrestle with that for no change in outcome? That's just wasteful burning of energy and emotion.
Be thankful for your values, such as being ethical, etc. Hold to those and cherish them. Keep them in view as a positive focus. Leave the rest of the frustrations for the wind to carry away...
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