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OK, so maybe we examine what we think 'defines' someone to be gay then. How do we make a judgement that one person might be gay and another not? How do we look at two men walking together and decide if they are gay or not? Two men sharing an apartment together - are they gay? How do we determine this?
We make judgements about people all the time - not as JUDGEMENTS but just to put them into a box in our category system in our heads. Thats a man, thats a woman - or is it?, he has long hair, he hasn't shaved for a while, maybe he's living on his own, etc etc and so it goes on. It is a way of making sense of what we see in our environment.
Some people are aware of those thoughts which categorize other people which go on in their heads, and some people are totally unaware of those thoughts.
On NPR the other day, there was an author, Marisa Franco, saying that men have a difficult time finding friends because they're so terrified that they may be suspected of being gay. Pretty sad.
OK, so maybe we examine what we think 'defines' someone to be gay then. How do we make a judgement that one person might be gay and another not? How do we look at two men walking together and decide if they are gay or not? Two men sharing an apartment together - are they gay? How do we determine this?
In some cases, when the word "gay" is used it is meant as a synonym for "effeminate". Many people have a very narrow, binary view of gender (and I mean "gender" in the social sense, not the biological one). Men are masculine, women are feminine. The two are wholly separate and diametrically opposed. While I don't doubt that men and women do have natural differences, I think these differences are often overemphasized for sociological reasons. Men have a certain role they have to play in order to reproduce and be useful to society, so we expect them to conform to social standards that they otherwise might not. Masculinity isn't something a man is simply born with -- it's something he has to "earn" and prove constantly with his actions, lest his man-card is revoked.
This is why we look at a man who wears skinny jeans, or has a slightly higher-pitched voice, or listens to Taylor Swift, and assume he's gay -- even though none of those things has anything to do with who he finds sexually attractive.
On NPR the other day, there was an author, Marisa Franco, saying that men have a difficult time finding friends because they're so terrified that they may be suspected of being gay. Pretty sad.
Sounds like just another made-up problem Millennials and Gen Zedders have that us Boomers didn't have.
I have a male friend that I've known since 1981 who is the godfather of my elder son and we just recently went on vacation as two couples. Oh my gosh -- we were two male-female couples! -- in case anyone is suspicious!
1. That is ONE sentence in an article about the zillions of other ways wherein men and women struggle to make friends as adults. Almost impressive how you could miss the entire point so easily.
2. Guys "not wanting to appear gay" is haaardly a new phenomenon.
But hey, you got 3 pages of responses over a non-topic, so good for you.
Well, I dunno….I dated a guy once who stated he would never go to a movie with another guy because he might be perceived as gay.
That's a bit "over the top" if you asked me. Like... if he had a brother would he not want to go hang out with him at a bar/elsewhere just because someone might think his brother was in a romantic relationship with him?
Funny story, my married brother and his married guy friend were on a road trip with their respective teen daughters for some dad-daughter bonding. One night the girls were up in their room and my bro and his friend went to dinner in the hotel. They got to talking with the server and mentioned they wanted to order something to go for "our daughters." The waiter made assumptions and was just delighted with these progressive gay dads and bought them dessert. Bro and friend were tickled by it and just went with it. Just another couple of rich white Republicans from Texas with no issues about gay people.
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