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We are my dad princesses , my dad has never been absent lol. Him and my mom are still together since high school..my dad is a true girl dad. This takes a huge toll on my dad too because he does everything he can. He pays for all the damages (even though she shouldve smh), he bought security cams for the house,ect he always make sure his daughters are okay. Before i lived here, my sister has been living here since she was 19, shes 36 now, my parents got called for years from the downstairs tenant or from my middle sister who once lived in the apartment i live in.
The family friend is 83 years old, and unfortunately shes been dealing with this too and often tries to calm my sister down along with me, or calls me to go down.
We ALL pay rent, none of us live there for free, I personally dont know how my sister manage to live there from 19-36, my middle sister stayed for 3-4 years before moving. And my plan was to only stay for about 3 years, (we’re at year 2) we moved in 2020 and live in nj where it’s extremely expensive to live. So to have a jumpstart in a family home helps for the time being until the move.
We are ALL (as in my whole family) stressed and overwhelmed with my oldest sister and her actions. Especially because shes good for trying to put off everything on everyone else.
I was simply asking if I am wrong for being overwhelmed and done with my sisters and niece actions, because i felt guilty as a sister and aunt feeling like i cant do this no more.My parents are there for her, but it definitely keeps her from growing and expanding. And makes her comfortable in her situation.
My parents are in their 60s now and been dealing with getting calls about my sister from the lady downstairs for years, so i try not to call them other than when i really have to.
I dont call the police because as much as my niece and sister go through, my niece would be devastated if her mom got taken away, thats the unfortunate truth.
We are planning to move to NC, maybe i shouldve mention that because everyone assumes that im staying there forever and with no plan to move, thats not the case lol.
My sister and mom had a rough relationship growing up, a whole different experience than what me and my middle sister experienced. Im the baby(25) middle sis 33, oldest 36. By time I came, my parents were fully established and i was basically the only child in the home once my middle sister graduated and went to college. I know a lot of my sister problems stem from the childhood issues involving my mom and i feel for her and understand but shes getting older snd stilll let that dictate her actions. Once again I understand every one questions and answers, but really just wanted to know if i was wrong for feeling how i felt, for the remainder of my stay living here. I know its not gonna just stop, especially if its been going on since she was 19.
Your next thought is probably, so why would i move there if she been like this? But like i said, in time where covid was still effecting jobs in a expensive state, the offer to move somewhere we can afford and still be able to renovate it and be able to still be in NJ before i moved to another state, was nice. And we thought all of the toxic drama was done once my sister and her partner broke up, but it just trickled down to my niece.
I also wanna add that her hitting my niece is a not something that happens often, the time i had to atop her from hitting her was when she got in big trouble in school. I stopped it because i hated seeing that and hearing my niece crying like that. Its a thing for black parents unfortunately to spank their kids, my mom grew up that way which is why she vowed to never beat us. So thats rare to happen. It was very terrible and shouldnt happen, but my niece never gets spankings other than that time. Now the yelling? Yes, i would said she gets violent with her voice and loudness of it, but not violent physically . Either isnt okay, but definitely if i heard my sister swinging and beating on my niece, best believe i would call the cops and probably need the cops called on me because i would be so mad with my sister lol.
Last edited by thedawglover; 10-05-2022 at 08:36 AM..
Reason: Adding more
You're not wrong for feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Your home is supposed to be your happy place, where you rest and unwind.
Teenagers can go through these spells, had one myself that made life miserable for about 5 years. Now she's grown and on her own with her own nice family.
Personally, I would not choose to live in your situation. I don't need all that extra stress. Life is hard enough.
I suspect your sister is mentally ill. Her problems go way beyond not getting along with your mother when she was growing up. I suggest calling the cops on her so she learns there are consequences to her actions. Hopefully she might also be forced to get mental health help. It sounds as if everyone around her has enabled her bad behavior.
I'm confused about your original post. You made it sound so horrible, yet your latest post downplays all the drama and the gravity of the situation. In one post you say you don't want to move, but soon after say you are moving.
I agree with all of E-Twist's post directly above.
Me too, I feel extremely bad for her. She lived here way before my sister did. She grew up with my grandmother, my grandmother was older than her and would babysit her. In my grandmother last few years, while living here, she also helped care of my grandmother. So i guess she was her sitter now lol. Shes such a pure soul and does not deserve to live in this chaos.
And yes, my sister has been enabled by us. And i guess this whole post is really me saying i dont want to enable it anymore..
I dont call the police because as much as my niece and sister go through, my niece would be devastated if her mom got taken away, thats the unfortunate truth.
I think this is very, very wrong of you. You are teaching your niece that she isn't worth enough not to be treated as a punching bag.
There are resources available for both of them. I think you've been very lazy in not educating yourself about domestic violence.
I'm confused about your original post. You made it sound so horrible, yet your latest post downplays all the drama and the gravity of the situation. In one post you say you don't want to move, but soon after say you are moving.
I agree with all of E-Twist's post directly above.
I didn’t say I didnt want to move, I actually said all we want to do now is leave and move.
My intent wasn’t to downplay the situation and drama, I was trying to clarify different points I made because I typed my original post more so getting it off my chest so nothing was fully explained which without context, you can take anything any type of way. So when I mentioned my sister hitting my niece, it sounds like she could always be hitting her and being physically abusive. I know it was that time and not a regular occurrence but i didnt explain that in the original post. As I said in the other post, it still wasn’t okay, it was still a horrible thing to go through/witness. But I completely understand how that could come off.
I was so hesitant about posting in here because i know without fully knowing every nook and cranny of our life and situations, a person can only make the best judgement and give the best advice they can with what was giving. But I really appreciate all of the replies❤️
I think this is very, very wrong of you. You are teaching your niece that she isn't worth enough not to be treated as a punching bag.
There are resources available for both of them. I think you've been very lazy in not educating yourself about domestic violence.
I understand. As i stated earlier, she really doesn’t physically harm my niece. And i tried my best to clarify that again in another post. Now verbally with all the yelling? Yes. For these 2 years, I have went to stop the yelling and the commotion. We’ll bring my niece upstairs to our apartment and let her stay. This last year its been so much and im emotionally drained from not being able to just have peace in my home. And i just wanted to know if i was wrong for feeling that way because i felt so guilty feeling that way.
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