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We just had 20 relatives in our house today for a belated Thanksgiving. Everybody knew a couple weeks ago what we were having and who was bringing what. No problems. Everybody ate plenty and took home a good bit too.
And as far as somebody putting the food on your plate, I'm like others. I haven't had that done since I was maybe 6 or 7. Even the 5 year old great grandson here today carried his own plate. He showed his mother what he wanted and she got it for him. But his 7 year old sister did it all herself. That's the way it should be.
Chicken salad and egg salad were the only things on the plate, and the only things offered. This was on Friday, after Thanksgiving.
I will reach out to the parents to apologize, but no way am I returning there anyway.
From the OP, it sounded as if this happened on Thanksgiving.
Idk; I have a tough time taking your posts about food at face value. I always feel that there's more going on than what you're saying, and that feeling is stronger than usual with this one.
We usually have 6-10 or so people for the thanksgiving meal and I normally do the cooking.
We normally do it up and have way more than we need.
I never make the plates up for people. It’s a serve yourself environment.
If I don’t care for a dish that someone may have brought over I just politely smile and pass on it (meaning my daughter’s yucky brussel sprouts).
Our group is usually family and lifelong friends so they can take Tupperware tubs of food home if they want some for later or to gift to someone they know.
We don’t care we even encourage it.
Food is to be shared.
Sometimes we say the cook doesn’t have to do the dishes but we all pitch in anyway.
I can’t even imagine arguing and making drama over food.
I mean who does that?
If you are arguing and having drama over food the food isn’t really the problem.
The problem is probably something deeper than that.
When I was growing up,I had to eat everything put on my plate and eat all of it, like it or not. To date I am not picky. Anybody who is picky should think about what you would eat if you were starving. Our kitchen garbage would be life or death for a child in famine. When we throw out leftovers we are throwing out the life force of someone on the planet even in our own communities.
Someone said in here wrote they wouldn't accept anything made with "fake sugar" on their table. I guess the diabetics won't be eating much at those dinners.
When I was growing up,I had to eat everything put on my plate and eat all of it, like it or not. To date I am not picky. Anybody who is picky should think about what you would eat if you were starving. Our kitchen garbage would be life or death for a child in famine. When we throw out leftovers we are throwing out the life force of someone on the planet even in our own communities.
Someone said in here wrote they wouldn't accept anything made with "fake sugar" on their table. I guess the diabetics won't be eating much at those dinners.
Fake sugars make me extremely ill, so I would need to know if someone had used it so I could avoid that dish. Usually I can tell after a bite or two, however, and then will quietly toss whatever it was.
Mostly I am careful to eat only things I know who made them.
It is easy to see why the OP has so many communication and relationship issues, considering the toxic family he was raised in (opinion based on this and other threads).
Anyone else find it odd that OP 'announced plans' with the children rather than 'asked permission' from the parents? That alone would probably set me off, since when does a guest arbitrarily make plans for some members of the family without checking first?
This is a non-issue; it’s more sharing what I found to be a pointless dispute.
Over Thanksgiving, when I was with relatives, I noticed a recurring issue:
Whoever made dinner (Mom and Dad take turns) would simply announce what was being cooked and served. No choice was given. Then when whatever was made was served (by the cook), other family members who didn’t like it would not eat much, and whoever made dinner would get mad. For example, Dad made potato salad, but Child #1 hates mayonnaise, so dinner would end in a fight when Child #1 was given a heaping portion of potato salad but didn’t want to eat it.
Is this not ridiculous?
How does it work in your family: does whoever makes dinner ask others if the meal that is planned is acceptable? Or does whoever cooks make whatever he or she wants to make, dish it onto people’s plates and then get mad when they don’t want it?
My wife and I talk about the week's menu on Saturday before one of us goes food shopping. We tend to make dishes for Sunday through Wednesday on Sunday. Thursday is always leftovers and Friday is take out night, usually italian, mexican, or chinese. When the kiddies were with us, we would always ask them for input, but sales often guided us. We tend to be standard meal with a protein, starch and veggie (often all mixed together like the shepard's pie we are having tonight, or the fish stew for Wednesday). I do not think we serve anything that someone in the house does not enjoy, but when we try something new, it certainly can happen. I made a terrible crockpot mix that involved cream cheese and some other cream for a base with some chili peppers and spicy seasonings and it did not go over well. It happens. But there is never fighting over it. If you really do not like something, you can make yourself a sandwich or a salad. We always have those things in the house.
At 8am, the mother informed us, “I’m heading to the grocery store because I’m making chicken salad and egg salad for dinner tonight.” I saw the faces that the children made, and I told her then, “I have other plans with the children already.” Nobody objected.
Children are 13 and 15.
You took it upon yourself to overrule their mother and announce that you have other plans with her children tonight? This is seriously the creepiest dynamic I've ever heard of.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GSPNative
They didn’t object when I informed them that we were going to the mall for dinner (this was after Thanksgiving).
They just got mad when we arrived home and didn’t eat what we had told them we wouldn’t be eating.
We ate at the Nordstrom restaurant at the mall and had baked salmon. Healthier than egg salad and chicken salad.
The mother keeps picking food that she knows people hate, makes it anyway, and blows up when they don’t eat it. Last time it was steak tartare. Her kids and I all like meat well done and she knows that.
Again, very off vibe here. Why are "we" telling the mother of the children you wouldn't be eating dinner? Either you are leaving a lot out here or there is something very strange about the relationship you have with these children. But just FYI it is completely inappropriate for you to inform the parents of these children that they won't be eating their dinner. You should be asking, would it be okay if we go to the mall and have dinner at the food court tonight?
It is not your place to form a weird alliance with these kids against their mom. The fact that they came home from the mall with you and rudely told their mom that they hate her food is telling.
What I find interesting too is that the mother went to the grocery on Friday to get items to make egg salad and chicken salad. No turkey salad or other leftovers to use up? It just seems like a strange menu for the day after the holiday.
Anyway, it's just never wise to get in between a parent and their children, no matter how strange their meal rules may seem.
Both children looked stunned and told their parents that “you know we hate that”.
I told the relatives that I had other plans already with the children.
When we returned from the mall (where we ate), there were three plates, piled high with egg salad and chicken salad. The parents looked at us and said that the plates were for us. I apologized and said that I thought that I had mentioned that the children and I would be gone at dinner time. The husband said, “you did say that” and the wife got very angry, yelled at her children (“you eat what I give you!”) and glared at me.
Did you inform them prior that you did not like mayo?
I'm probably a big push over but I have a grand kid who has always been really picky about foods so when I was making a particular meal, for example chili, I would make a small bit for him without meat, etc. I always considered others likes and dislikes and improvised somehow.
(Now he likes meat but not beans, so I have to make a separate bit without beans.)
I dont understand why someone would invite others to eat and serve something they know they dont like.
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