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I don't understand this post. It doesn't make sense to me. WHY do you reciprocate? Who is twisting your arm to make you do something that you don't want to do year after year?
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I guess I'm twisting my own. I always bake so I'll just give them some goodies.
I live far from the grown grandchildren and the children. I have no idea what they need or want, so I stopped getting Christmas presents. I was spending hundreds of dollars on them, and getting some crummy thing I didn’t need in return. We’re retired so we don’t have money to waste.
If and when we spend Christmas together, I will gladly get presents for them.
Throughout the year, if I see something I think one of them might like, I will send it as a surprise. I just sent a DIL a slow cooker cookbook, since she asked me for some recipes. Or I might send my daughter a plant for her garden….
Last edited by gentlearts; 10-10-2023 at 07:55 AM..
lol. So it's only the one who wants to give that has any say in this scenario? The one who doesn't want gifts and doesn't want to give them isn't allowed to have those feelings?
The friendship is only based on if they are wiling to accept gifts or not?
From my perspective, anyone who cares about the other isn’t going to get angry at them over a gift or make demands about it, one way or the other. If someone is that controlling or angry over a gift within the context of a relationship, it’s time to reassess it i.e. who would want to give them a gift anyway, lol? Someone who cares about the other is going to consider their feelings, too. If they think they can dictate or control an expression of love or gratitude, it’s a no-brainer they are controlling other things within the relationship as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsmom21
Someone says no gifts at Christmas and means it, friends should respect that.
If they have ‘put their foot down’, I’m not suggesting otherwise. I’m merely digging a bit deeper as to why someone would make such a demand and why the thought of a gift or doing something nice for the other isn’t a two-way street. Hence my point, question the (health of the) relationship, not the gift.
You don't need to ask this question here, you already know the answer and have already decided that you need to stop. Now just stop. Period.
When it comes to giving and receiving gifts, giving gifts unto others as you'd have them do unto you is actually kind of selfish and insulting, it isn't a form of generosity, it's a form of greed and one-upmanship that says you expect gifts in return.
I wonder if it ever occurs to people that the people they give gifts to every single year who never gift back might be feeling resentful towards the gift givers for giving gifts to them and making them feel small. For some people being constantly given gifts that can't be reciprocated is like giving those people a slap in the face that says "I'm bigger, better, wealthier and more generous than you are". It's annoying and offensive.
Take the hint. If people consistently don't give gifts to you then stop insulting them by giving them gifts every year that they can't or won't reciprocate. If you want to do something nice for them, then DO something nice that doesn't involve gifting.
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Couldn't rep you again, Zoisite.
A gift that is clearly unwanted is NOT a gift!
Why is simple common sense so utterly lacking in some people?
Makes ya wonder how they handle the hard stuff!
What I don’t like is if someone thinks I ever expect a gift in return, so am burdening them. Same with Christmas cards. Just because I send you one, doesn’t mean you must send me one.
Let’s say I find a perfect small thing for a friend, like a candle, or some Christmas cookies, or an ornament for their tree, and I just want to give it to them as a token for Christmas. I do not want or expect them to reciprocate.
.......Let’s say I find a perfect small thing for a friend, like a candle, or some Christmas cookies, or an ornament for their tree, and I just want to give it to them as a token for Christmas. I do not want or expect them to reciprocate.
Then let's say that you are not the norm and it is pretty much socially standard to reciprocate for gifts. I am sure you have taken all necessary steps to make all of your friends understand that you are hoping that no one will reciprocate and buy any little gifts for you.
Then let's say that you are not the norm and it is pretty much socially standard to reciprocate for gifts. I am sure you have taken all necessary steps to make all of your friends understand that you are hoping that no one will reciprocate and buy any little gifts for you.
I had a dear friend who gave a wrapped ornament, or maybe a fancy soap, etc. as a little gift for friends who came to her home over the holidays. I thought this was charming, so I started doing the same. Except some people felt like they had to get me something, and the cost of the presents kept accelerating until I finally gave it up.
From my perspective, anyone who cares about the other isn’t going to get angry at them over a gift or make demands about it, one way or the other. If someone is that controlling or angry over a gift within the context of a relationship, it’s time to reassess it i.e. who would want to give them a gift anyway, lol? Someone who cares about the other is going to consider their feelings, too. If they think they can dictate or control an expression of love or gratitude, it’s a no-brainer they are controlling other things within the relationship as well.
If they have ‘put their foot down’, I’m not suggesting otherwise. I’m merely digging a bit deeper as to why someone would make such a demand and why the thought of a gift or doing something nice for the other isn’t a two-way street. Hence my point, question the (health of the) relationship, not the gift.
You are still saying the giver's feelings matter more than the giftee's. Throwing in "do something nice" is just confusing the issue to make your point.
The topic here is Christmas gifts. The OP, regardless of why, does not want to receive Christmas gifts from family members and apparently has asked that they stop, but they still do it.
The problem lies with the people refusing to cease giving Christmas gifts.
i always consider xmas as toys, like santa workshop, so i make small wooden toys, likke airplane, trains, concrete truck, dump trucks, sail boats, they are about two inches tall, couple inches wide and about 3-4 inches long.
i can get scrap hardwood from the cabinet shop down the road, just little pieces, walnut, cherry, magonia, oak, etc
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