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What you really need to worry about more isn't who you're leaving your estate to, if you make no choice, the state will figure it out for you when you're gone. What you need to worry about is your elder care time. When you need a POA, someone to make decisions about whether you receive care in your home or in a facility, to make sure you are not being scammed out of all your money, to stop you from being a hazard to yourself or others if you get dementia. That's the harder part. Stuff is just stuff, money comes and goes, but who do you trust with THAT?
My Great Aunt had no kids and no family who lived near her. She made friends with a neighbor who was a few decades younger, and eventually the neighbor agreed to be her person for all of this...the end of life POA stuff and estate execution, all of it. If you don't have kids or family, you need to put in the effort to make connections with people in your community and build rapport with someone that you can hopefully trust with this stuff.
This is the kind of stuff that I need to get my act together about. I'm at the point in my life where I can't be, "I'm young and nothing bad will ever happen to me!" My siblings have pulled together to help my elderly parents, but I don't have that built-in support (and I know that many folks *with* kids don't have that support, either.) Sometimes I joke that if something happened to me no one would notice until the autopay runs out, but it's less and less of a joke as time passes.
"When in doubt, don't" is a good adage that has stood the test of time. Especially for something this life-changing.
I knew from childhood I never wanted kids. Heck, I didn't even want dolls nor to be around babies or children. No question there. My sisters have plenty, so who cares.
I was never "pressured". People usually would say: "Good for you! It's great to know yourself that well". Some said "I envy you".
No regrets at all, for sure, lol. I transitioned from partner with a vasectomy to tubes tied, so not even dealt with birth control.
Love all these comments. Like others, I never desired kids and thankfully I found a partner that feels the same way. The financial obligation and stress, the emotional drain, etc ugh makes me cringe. I honestly don't know how people do it and why they want that. Nothing appealing to me.
Love all these comments. Like others, I never desired kids and thankfully I found a partner that feels the same way. The financial obligation and stress, the emotional drain, etc ugh makes me cringe. I honestly don't know how people do it and why they want that. Nothing appealing to me.
I agree 100%. And more importantly, I don't know why SO MANY people want to do it! I'm not putting those people down, by any means. I'm just saying, having kids is an exorbitant amount of work and responsibility. I don't see why so many people raise their hands and are like, "Oh, I can't wait to have kids!" I just don't find it appealing. I'm sure having kids has its rewards, but like I said, it's a huge responsibility and lifelong commitment!
Even going back before I was an adult I never wanted kids. To each his/her own. Always thought it would be the worst day in my life if I found out I got someone pregnant. I had a conversation with everyone I have ever been with that I had zero interest in becoming a father. It's a tough life and I didn't want to put anyone else though this. Plus I didn't want to deal with everything that goes into being a parent. It just wasn't for me...
OP, do you have any occasions in your current life when you are around children? Any nieces or nephews come visiting? Kids living down the street who play outside your house? Sitting next to a family at a restaurant? How do you feel during these occasions? Do you feel a yawning sense of emptiness that those kids aren't yours? Do you enjoy being around them, but you're ready for them to leave by the time they do? Think very, very carefully about your inner thoughts when you find yourself around children. These thoughts are telling you something very important, so be sure and listen.
Unlike many people on this thread, I always knew that I wanted children, even from a young age. But I didn't want to have them until I was married, and that came later to me than the average. One thing led to another, and we ended up adopting the two kids we have. But here's the thing: I was definitely older than the average when I became a father. My infant son came when I was 40 years old; my infant daughter came just after I turned 43. And I very quickly found out that 43-year-old me did not possess the same degree of stamina as the younger version of me. This is something that the OP will need to consider very carefully. Raising children is exhausting. Are you prepared for it?
My kids are currently 17 and 15. One of them has been a blessing 99.999 percent of the time, right from the very start. The other one was an adorable child, but caused a great deal of stress and turmoil in the tween years, only to turn a corner and become a delightful teenager. I wouldn't trade either of them for anything. Even if I knew then what I know now, I'd still take both of them in a heartbeat.
But if I could have picked only one of them, I know which one it would be.
While I don’t regret the son or stepdaughters I had, it was hard, hard, hard work. It took so much energy and personal time. The financial drain is uncountable. The guilt for doing or saying the wrong thing, the frayed nerves from having kids spill, drop, mess, vomit and have bathroom accidents. The hardships if they suffer serious health problems. The friction if they are bullies or become bullied at school. And then later the fears when they begin to drive and you put an immature 90 pound kid behind the wheel of a 2-ton vehicle (and the insurance costs!)…. Then the anxiety parents have when they have emotional or professional disappointments. Add all this up plus the unlikelihood they will really be available to provide you comfort in your old age. You have to want kids really, really badly to make up for all that.
And you’d know it in your core if you really wanted kids. Just. Don’t.
Now see right here, this person should not have had children. If you're the kind of person that's going to get all bent out of shape and freak out because your kid spills his milk or gets a D on their report card then dont have kids. Being a parent is not for the faint of heart or those with delicate sensibilities.
As for the amount of time spent, you either enjoy spending time being with family or you dont. If you dont then why'd you have kids in the first place? Also, you act like it's all encompassing. I love being with my kids but I also like my job, mountain biking and other things that dont involve my kids. My wife has her "me time" as well.
Now see right here, this person should not have had children. If you're the kind of person that's going to get all bent out of shape and freak out because your kid spills his milk or gets a D on their report card then dont have kids. Being a parent is not for the faint of heart or those with delicate sensibilities.
As for the amount of time spent, you either enjoy spending time being with family or you dont. If you dont then why'd you have kids in the first place? Also, you act like it's all encompassing. I love being with my kids but I also like my job, mountain biking and other things that dont involve my kids. My wife has her "me time" as well.
My parents were like that. I was clumsy as a kid and when I spilled a drink, my mom freaked out and pulled my hair! No joke. My mom spanked and pulled my hair as a form of discipline! And till this day, she doesn’t regret doing it as she felt it was necessary to bring me up right.
Thank you everyone for the input! I apologize for taking a while to respond back, things got busy in my job. Well I never had the thought of having kids until I met my current gf, but never before that, so is that a more specific sign likely?
Or if you never thought about when single, thinking about it after falling in love with your gf, doesn't mean anything?
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