Incessant Self-Promotion vs. Mysterious Silence (talks, person, funerals, conversation)
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People that talk about themselves all the time versus people that don't talk about themselves AT ALL. There is this woman that constantly talks about herself in conversation. She always finds a way to bring the conversation back to herself, her experiences, and her accomplishments. It can be exhausting to listen to because it feels like she is constantly seeking validation or trying to one-up others.
On the other hand, there are people who rarely talk about themselves. They may struggle to share their own stories or experiences, and instead prefer to listen to others. While this can be a humble and selfless quality, it can also make it difficult to get to know them on a deeper level and create a genuine connection.
So, which would you prefer? Someone who talks about themselves all the time or someone who never talks about themselves?
Some people do talk about themselves in a conversation because they think that they're creating a connection--"that happened to you? That happened to me, too!" It can be done clumsily, but not always maliciously.
I really can't see relationships as black and white as that. The incessant talker may have other redeeming qualities. The quiet one may have no need or desire of a "deeper connection" with the other people around her/him. Perhaps they already have deeper connections enough.
Neither of these would be a reason for me to discard a relationship, without other issues to compound the perceived negative trait.
People that talk about themselves all the time versus people that don't talk about themselves AT ALL. There is this woman that constantly talks about herself in conversation. She always finds a way to bring the conversation back to herself, her experiences, and her accomplishments. It can be exhausting to listen to because it feels like she is constantly seeking validation or trying to one-up others.
On the other hand, there are people who rarely talk about themselves. They may struggle to share their own stories or experiences, and instead prefer to listen to others. While this can be a humble and selfless quality, it can also make it difficult to get to know them on a deeper level and create a genuine connection.
So, which would you prefer? Someone who talks about themselves all the time or someone who never talks about themselves?
Some folks are just private people. Doesn't exactly make them humble or selfless, or struggling to share. They just might not feel the need/want to share.
We have a friend like that, every conversation turns into her talking about herself or her kids. Most everyone has the same take on her. As a result she stopped getting invited to events, so much so that she moved to West Virginia. I felt badly that she felt the need to move, she feels like she no longer had friends in Maryland. But she kind of did it to herself.
People that talk about themselves all the time versus people that don't talk about themselves AT ALL. There is this woman that constantly talks about herself in conversation. She always finds a way to bring the conversation back to herself, her experiences, and her accomplishments. It can be exhausting to listen to because it feels like she is constantly seeking validation or trying to one-up others.
On the other hand, there are people who rarely talk about themselves. They may struggle to share their own stories or experiences, and instead prefer to listen to others. While this can be a humble and selfless quality, it can also make it difficult to get to know them on a deeper level and create a genuine connection.
So, which would you prefer? Someone who talks about themselves all the time or someone who never talks about themselves?
I prefer balance in all things. Something difficult to acheive so when I am around the self promoters/attention whores I interrupt them sometimes or walk away if I can. The ones who don't talk, I ask questions of. I find myself sometimes talking too much about my life, I am gregarious, but I don't need or want to be the center of attention so I stop myself when I catch it and ask someone else about themselves.
How do you react to the ones you call "self promoters" and the ones who don't talk?
My main rule is also to have balance in a relationship. I need to feel a sense of give and take for it to be meaningful to me.
What I give and what I get out of a relationship may be opposite things. I may not get back the kinds of things I give but it may be something else I feel the other person does for me that is fulfilling. This is why it is important not to put all your eggs in one basket. In other words, don't expect only one or two people to meet all your various needs. Spread it out so no one has to be your only needs provider.
And often, in times of stress, I have experienced carrying the weight of responsibility for a relationship until things get back to a more even keel. I have also experienced friends doing the same for me when I've had a difficult period in my life.
Those are what I look for.
I've had a friend for over fifty years who feels the need to talk about her accomplishments every time we are together. I listen. Sometimes with half an ear. Heard it all before. And she truly is a superior achiever, not an idle bragger.
She's a good friend in many ways. Couldn't have managed my parents' funerals without her jumping in and taking over. I sometimes feel badly for her that she has such a compulsion to keep reaffirming her "goodness" and there is a mystery there too. What silent voice is she arguing against and why?
There is something that plagues her and, after all these years and a few openings offered by me, she hasn't felt comfortable talking about it. I wish I could help her free herself of this drive.
But it's there, a part of how she developed, maybe one of her broken spots. I've got them too. There's always the hope that by talking, talking, talking with me she will get to the place where she can release her demon?
It's merely a mild and predictable annoyance, doesn't cost me anything and what are friends for but to tolerate the things no one else will?
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