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How many man would be okay with their girlfriend, going on trips, spending nights, playing games, arms around them, snuggle with another man?
Doesn't matter the circumstances, that's a no no. Most dude is not going to be okay with that and most women know that. That's why I say it's odd and doesn't make sense.
I do not agree. I used the movie quote as one example but I've heard it said plenty of times in real life, including in these forums. "Men think about sex all the time and want to have sex with every woman they see, whether they are friends or not" is the general thing I am talking about.
We do see a lot of that "omg she looked at me she must want to have sex with me, why doesn't she act like it" type of thread lol.
I wouldn't know really, not being an expert in men in any case, and of course every man is an individual. I guess I could read that old mars and venus book if I cared enough one way or another.
I would think a mature confident man would not feel threatened by his girlfriend's 15 year friendship with someone else, man or woman. Presumably he would trust his girlfriend. Unless of course he believes, as you apparently do, that all men want sex with every woman they encounter, and will get it, whether the woman agrees or not.
She has been in plenty of relationships with other men, and has had a number of sex partners. I'm sure she appreciates physical intimacy at least as much as I do.
I hate to sound cynical, but given that things really don't appear to have the potential to move forward between us, I can't help but wonder whether she's been keeping me friendzoned all these years to extract the benefits of being in a relationship with me without having to confront the possibility of physical intimacy.
She hasn't been "keeping you friendzoned," she's treating you like a friend. Friends hang out and are affectionate and do things together. She'd probably be upset to think that you've only been hanging around for the past 15 years on the off chance she'd put out.
I've been friends with a lady for 15 years now. She had made it clear on several occasions early on in our friendship that she wasn't interested in anything more. However, she's always asking to come over my place and hang out. Every chance she gets she wants to spend time with me. She even suggested that we plan an out of town trip together this summer. When she is over my place, all we end up doing is drink, order out, watch television/movies and sometimes play card games. From time to time I might put my arm around her and we'd snuggle for a bit, but nothing more. I hate to sound cynical, but given that things really don't appear to have the potential to move forward between us, I can't help but wonder whether she's been keeping me friendzoned all these years to extract the benefits of being in a relationship with me without having to confront the possibility of physical intimacy.
I've been friends with a woman since we met in summer camp at age 15. We've eaten out together, traveled, held hands, had very honest and fun conversations, all while we were in other relationships or married (she no longer is, but I remain married). But both of us innately realize we're just friends.
There's something nice and sweet about a male-female friendship that doesn't involve romance and sex. Like childhood playmates. I love my friend as a friend. I couldn't imagine kissing her; it would be like kissing my sister.
Oh, and most recently, she was passing through and stayed over at our house with her boyfriend (we had to wait almost all night for his plane to arrive, crazy delays). The 3 of us had a delightful time; he's totally cool and chill and fun to talk to, as I would expect of a friend of hers.
Just my own experiences, may or may not mean anything to you.
I do not agree. I used the movie quote as one example but I've heard it said plenty of times in real life, including in these forums. "Men think about sex all the time and want to have sex with every woman they see, whether they are friends or not" is the general thing I am talking about.
We do see a lot of that "omg she looked at me she must want to have sex with me, why doesn't she act like it" type of thread lol.
I wouldn't know really, not being an expert in men in any case, and of course every man is an individual. I guess I could read that old mars and venus book if I cared enough one way or another.
I would think a mature confident man would not feel threatened by his girlfriend's 15 year friendship with someone else, man or woman. Presumably he would trust his girlfriend. Unless of course he believes, as you apparently do, that all men want sex with every woman they encounter, and will get it, whether the woman agrees or not.
False, men don't think about sex all the time. When the situation arise, yes we think about it.
False again, not every men want to have sex with every women they see. It comes down to a lot of scenarios why and when we want sex.
Wrong again, has nothing to do with being a confident man, it absolutely makes no sense why any man would to be okay with their gf spending that much time with another man, doing those things together, and that much physical contact. It's call proper etiquette once you are in relationship. Maybe is okay if you are single, but once in a committed relationship you don't do that. I guarantee you ain't no normal man will be okay with that.
"Hi honey, what are you doing"?
"Oh, I m with him again on the couch snuggling with my breasts pressed hard against his chest," LMFAO
I'm a woman and if I had a male friend for 15 years and he came to talk to me about getting more serious (sex etc) that would ruin the friendship. I wouldn't trust him after that because I would be thinking that's what he's wanted all along?
You can't go back from that-EVER.
You are really being very dishonest with her for thinking the way you wrote in your post. She was very upfront and honest with you from the get-go several times.
Let me tell you something about women, since I'm a woman and I know more about us than you do. As a woman, women friends are a pain in the a**. All the drama, manipulation, jealousy, not to mention as a single (widow) 50+ woman, I have to work around their schedules, appointments, husband/SO, just to be able to go out for coffee or lunch etc. With a guy friend, there's none of that nonsense. Your friend has the perfect friend in YOU. You're going to ruin it because she doesn't want a relationship. She wants a friendship.
I was just telling my relative that I would love to have a male friend to do things with, because these women drive me nuts. And here I am reading your post thinking, well maybe it's just not possible.
I was just telling my relative that I would love to have a male friend to do things with, because these women drive me nuts. And here I am reading your post thinking, well maybe it's just not possible.
But it is!
I have a friend whose husband hates theater of all sorts.
So, she has what he calls himself "her theater husband".
They go to plays and musicals. They stay and meet the artists. They have dinner beforehand.
All on the up-and-up, and all with full approval from her husband.
I have plenty of male friends, and I actually do detect a potential "mixed signal" between the OP and his female friend:
Quote:
From time to time I might put my arm around her and we'd snuggle for a bit,
Aside from a quick hug of hello or goodbye, there is no physical contact between my any of my friends, male or female, and me. Maybe that's just the old-time New Englander in me. I rarely, but not never, see that kind of contact between platonic friends.
She clearly enjoys your company, but that doesn't mean that she wants to be 'exclusive' with you. Going on trips is what friends do. Spending time playing games, cards, watching TV is what friends do.
If you thought that you would wear her down, well, it's time for you to have a talk with her, because she's clearly not interested in more.
Your choices are:
Continue to enjoy the friendship and stop thinking she's 'using' you.
Go ahead with your theory and call her out. But you'll probably lose that friend.
This. Well most of it. I think having a talk with her about his feelings is very dangerous.
This woman enjoys your company, I'm going to assume you feel the same. She told you 15 years ago she has no interest in being intimate with you, and in 15 years she has done nothing to give you the impression that she is feeling differently. You have not worn her down, nothing has changed in all of these years. Some people just like companionship, especially as they get older.
So your choices are keep enjoying the friendship and companionship this woman offers or tell her you have feelings for her and risk blowing the entire friendship up.
I am a woman who's had several very long term male friends. And I do mean friends. I worked in a profession that was traditionally dominated by men so most of my friendships have been with co-workers: men. We enjoy many of the same things, have taken occasional trips or gone camping together, can talk for hours about anything, spent time at each other's houses for meals, movies, just spending time, whatever. We weren't really physical about it other than glad-to-see-you or sympathetic hugs, a bit of teasing, sprawling side by side on the couch or in a tent, etc. We've been honest with each other about what we wanted or expected. As for that trope that men always want sex/intimacy with the women they know, maybe that's true, but an honest and respectful friend would manage that privately in order to maintain the friendship. Most of these male friends eventually met and married someone else. I'm happy for them. Our friendship changed somewhat after that out of respect for the spouse. Certainly not unreasonable.
I agree with the others here OP. If your motivation in this relationship is something different than friendship, you need to come clean about it with yourself and with her. Your friendship as it stands now may or may not survive.
Be careful what you wish for...you just might get it!
Last edited by Parnassia; 03-23-2024 at 03:42 PM..
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