I hate my father. (boyfriend, holidays, divorced, sister)
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Sounds to me like that resentment is renting quite a bit of space in your head. And what good is coming from it? You know you need to find a way to reconcile yourself with this, don't you? Maybe not forgive... or maybe yes forgive.... but definitely find a way to accept. And you may need professional help to deal with this, too. But it's obvious to me that the resentment is eating you up... Harboring a resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Can you identify?
Shuke, you don't seem to realize what harm bad parents can do.They are the culprits, and you are accusing the victim, namely Nashcash, it's all "helterskelter".
Nashcash is right to vent her anger here,sometimes it feels good to have anonymous care. And if someone needs a shrink I guess, it is her father.
I had bad parents too, and back in the Sixties, it was worse, because then society didn't listen to the children's voice and closed its eyes on dysfunctional parents when like in my case mistreatment was psychological, not physical. [+] Rate this post positively
I hated my father too. The short story, he was a mentally ill drunk. Of course, after trying to kill my mother, he "found" the Lord. No jail time. He did stop drinking.
From my first memories I alway said the happiest day of my life would be when he dies. He died in 1987. So far it remains the best day.
Now, considering I have cashed checks for millions of dollars, free and clear, that is quite a statement.
Families are complicated and tough. I agree you may need some couseling and it may take some time to deal with this. You are an adult and you have choices who you spend time with. You may need to set some limitations on discussions so you will not be hurt by comments. Sounds like you followed your dreams and are successful. Good for you. I read a book years ago by Joyce Landorf called, Irregular People, it may be out of print but may be in a library. She talks about how in almost every family you have someone who doesn't think like you or is very hard to get along with and it seems you can't escape them. Sometimes it is a matter of changeing your attitude toward them. My mom was very critical and I finally got to the point where I realized it was who she was and I had a choice to let it go in one ear and out the other. My dad has always been very encourageing. I'm sure you have people in your life who admire you for the work you do and are thankful you chose that career so listen to them. You can't change anyone!!!
all i can say is .. the "family" is doomed from the get go. the father is a cheater.. the mother is a mistress.. and of course im not surprised he cheated again and again and again.. this guy must really be good looking or very good in bed.. i would guess the latter coz the last idiot woman was basically stalking him to get him to bed.. and anyway im 101% sure the story of the last idiot woman on the scenario is a lie.. the mother of the OP clearly knows her lover's modus operandi when he was about to cheat thats why the OP writes about his mom not trusting the father anymore..... i just hope that the OP learn from this dysfunctionality and swear that he will never EVER let this happen when it is time to have his own family... people like his mom, dad and the idiot woman makes me sick.
You can't change anyone!!!
Who talked of changing anyone ?
I for sure never tried to "change" my parents, and they were too set in their ways to respond to any attempt to "change" them.
I gave up on them a long , long time a go,but, contrary to Nashcash, I bear no grudge . For me they are nonexistent.
But I'm quite proud of my lineage, and I'm convinced I'm the one being faithful to old family traditions and my parents are the odd ones out!
Shuke, you don't seem to realize what harm bad parents can do.They are the culprits, and you are accusing the victim, namely Nashcash, it's all "helterskelter".
Nashcash is right to vent her anger here,sometimes it feels good to have anonymous care. And if someone needs a shrink I guess, it is her father.
I had bad parents too, and back in the Sixties, it was worse, because then society didn't listen to the children's voice and closed its eyes on dysfunctional parents when like in my case mistreatment was psychological, not physical.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pigeonhole
You can't change anyone!!!
Who talked of changing anyone ?
If the OP cannot change anyone, then what good is the resentment doing? He cannot change his past, cannot change his father, and cannot make the father seek any professional help. And what good what it do the OP if the father were to seek professional help? It doesn't seem like it's the father who is writing in here about how upset he is with his past.
So what's left for the OP to do? ACCEPT the past and make peace with it. And that can be a difficult process, but it is the ONLY constructive thing the OP actually has the power to do.
Hate is a useless emotion, it does much more damage to the individual that holds the hate than to the recipient. There is no point in your holding onto this hate, it is going to eat you up inside and your father probably couldn't care less. Whatever it takes for you to be able to get past this, you must do, I never had terribly high expectations of my father, so any disappointment that I ever had was tempered by the fact that you can't be too disappointed by someone who you never expected much from in the first place.
But the main point is that the hate that you hold is only hurting you, I have tried to follow the advise that was given to me once, "forgiving someone is for your own good, not theirs" and it is so true.
Please try to keep this in mind and good luck to you, it seems like you are headed in the right direction, don't let anyone keep you from reaching your goals.
Ive heard that most people 'hate' their dad (or brother, or uncle) is due to some type of abuse as a kid, which I thought you were going to bring up. But then, I wouldnt know what that would be like, my dad raised us by himself and did a pretty good job at it. He put us first, and though he was very protective of us, I commend him for it.
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