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did you think the dad was going to come without the wife? I mean really?
Just go, try to maintain your composure, then leave. And count it as a good deed that you are seeing your father.
Maybe it will all go well. If so, then life as you know it may change.
If not, tell your sister that she better not plan try that on you again.
Do I expect my father to leave the wife at home? not at all! By all means, let her join! I just choose to not join in. My father knows if he wants to spend time with me, it is one on one.
However, the wife has choosen herself to be selective on what family activities she attends. For instance.. she has turned down turkey dinner in years past with my extended family because she and her ex put dinner together for their children at his house.
I'm not going so that I can start up all kinds of drama. I'm venting. Thats it. I am not going to refuse to go because of this - that would be an insult to my brother.
Her family has burned me enough in the past - this has been ongoing drama since 1999 - I've learned that I just don't want any part of them anymore. I've had my fill. And no, things won't "get better" with his wife. People don't change unless they want to, and she doesn't see any problems with how she treats other people or how her family acts. Thats fine. I do not have to be apart of that.
Do I expect my father to leave the wife at home? not at all! By all means, let her join! I just choose to not join in. My father knows if he wants to spend time with me, it is one on one.
However, the wife has choosen herself to be selective on what family activities she attends. For instance.. she has turned down turkey dinner in years past with my extended family because she and her ex put dinner together for their children at his house.
I'm not going so that I can start up all kinds of drama. I'm venting. Thats it. I am not going to refuse to go because of this - that would be an insult to my brother.
Her family has burned me enough in the past - this has been ongoing drama since 1999 - I've learned that I just don't want any part of them anymore. I've had my fill. And no, things won't "get better" with his wife. People don't change unless they want to, and she doesn't see any problems with how she treats other people or how her family acts. Thats fine. I do not have to be apart of that.
No offense, but if you REALLY don't want to be a part of the drama you politely decline to attend, problem solved.
No offense, but if you REALLY don't want to be a part of the drama you politely decline to attend, problem solved.
No offense taken.
I understand what you're saying, but doing that would cause more drama. 1. it would cause drama with my brother who has absolutely nothing to do with any of this. He is innocent and has absolutely no idea of any of the history we have. 2. Me declining after I have already committed just because of the wife being there would be interpretted as me trying to "create" drama and draw attention - as if I was implying I can't come and play along nicely.
Had I known before I committed and my brother jumped through hoops to work with my schedule, I would have politely declined. No question. My sister specifically kept that info from me because she knew I would decline. I am a person of my word when it comes to following through with my commitments, though, and I do not want to offend my brother with the slap in the face "well, I know you rearranged your visitation weekend AND drove 3 hours with a car full of kiddies because you wanted to catch up... but, sorry, can't do it!" No, I won't do that. He didn't ask for this and didn't know the background of my father's wife and me.
I will, however, politely decline future invites from my sister because of this.
I understand what you're saying, but doing that would cause more drama. 1. it would cause drama with my brother who has absolutely nothing to do with any of this. He is innocent and has absolutely no idea of any of the history we have. 2. Me declining after I have already committed just because of the wife being there would be interpretted as me trying to "create" drama and draw attention - as if I was implying I can't come and play along nicely.
Had I known before I committed and my brother jumped through hoops to work with my schedule, I would have politely declined. No question. My sister specifically kept that info from me because she knew I would decline. I am a person of my word when it comes to following through with my commitments, though, and I do not want to offend my brother with the slap in the face "well, I know you rearranged your visitation weekend AND drove 3 hours with a car full of kiddies because you wanted to catch up... but, sorry, can't do it!" No, I won't do that. He didn't ask for this and didn't know the background of my father's wife and me.
I will, however, politely decline future invites from my sister because of this.
I'm confused. Why don't you just skip the meal at your sisters and spend the rest of the weekend with your brother? Why don't you explain the situation to him? Is there something you are trying to hide from him? I feel like we are missing part of the story.
I'm confused. Why don't you just skip the meal at your sisters and spend the rest of the weekend with your brother? Why don't you explain the situation to him? Is there something you are trying to hide from him? I feel like we are missing part of the story.
Umm.. no, there is nothing I am trying to hide or skip on this one.
My brother lives 3 hours north of my sister. My sister lives 2 hours north of me. I am essentially 5 hours away from where my brother lives. Hanging out with him for the weekend? ... ummm.. thats a 10hour round trip if I head up to his place. Not happening.
I have been out of contact with my brother for about 3 years, and the little contact I've had has been on a catch up basis over the past 10 years. I have no reason to let him in on what goes on with my father's family because it doesn't involve him and I'm not out to recruit more drama-ites. He was in the process of rehabbing one house while building a second house while building a barn for his wifes horses while taking care of their 4 children while taking care of his other half sister's two children while working full time while keeping building permits and paperwork straight while..... He's been busy, and I live out of state. I have no reason to include him in on the drama
Start off. There is a lot of old drama between me and my father's wife/her family. A few examples: her then 15yr old daughter tried to push my grandmother down a flight of stairs; same daughter pulled a knife on my father; same daughter vandalized my vehicle by etching "b*tch" into the DS window with a razor (done in retaliation to the next example..); 2nd old son pulled a stolen handgun on my husband and shot it off at him (and was, FORTUNATELY, a bad enough aim with enough distance to NOT hit him!!) - he did go to jail that night; all children have stolen from my father, and 2 oldest have criminal records. My father chooses to stay in this marriage, that is his business. His wife chooses to either deny her precious children would do such a thing or blame everyone else for their behavior. For example, the razor etch in my truck.. I was accused of doing it to my own truck because I was "out to get them" (I lived out of state, truck was at my dad's for a week so I could get a plate on it, I had just bought it!), and the gun fiasco was blamed on me because I called the cops and he got arrested, so I was "trying to break her family apart."
Whatever.
I wiped my hands clean. I made the decision that I do not need this kind of drama in my life or these kind of people. My father chooses that lifestyle, that is fine. I will visit him away from them.
My sister, however, was to "be friends" with everyone. I did tell her very clearly after the truck got vandalized that I was not going to have any part of their lives. If she wanted me to visit her, that was fine, but absolutely do not expect me to visit with them and pretend that the history we have has never happened. I am done, I'm moving on.
My sister decides she will have turkey dinner at her new house, invites us up. Tells me that our father and our biological half brother, whom I haven't seen in 3yrs, will be there. AWESOME! But, we had the arrange it on my schedule, making my brother change his kids visitation and everything, so I absolutely have to go now that I have confirmed.
Then, my sister (2 days away from heading up to see everyone) drops the bomb. "I invited [father's wife] and [daughter], they will be coming as well..... And it is EXPECTED that you don't start any problems with them!!"
WTF???
So, obviously how I feel is in complete disregard. She knows, though, if I had known that they were coming - I would have absolutely turned down her offer without question. So, she played a sneaky, shady BS game to get me to commit and then knows I would not back out because of how much schedule rearranging my brother is doing just to get a chance to visit with me.
I am still going to go, put on my happy, smiley and keep it light hearted. I'm not going to dig up old, hard feelings.
But, I'm also not going to forget the crap my sister is playing...
You know what? Back out anyway. These people aren't just jerks, they're dangerous. i wouldn't want to be anywhere near them at any time for any reason. If this were me, the safety of myself and my family wouldn't be worth being anywhere near these animals. As for your brother who rearranged his schedule around you... that's your sister's problem, not yours -- she made it so when she committed a lie of omission to you. Your sister is the one who owes him an explanation as to why he had to rearrange his schedule to accommodate you just to have you not show up. You also need to not show up to establish boundaries with your sister, namely, that you refuse to be manipulated this way.
Stay away, even if it means upsetting your brother. Your sister owns that situation, not you. Explain the situation to your brother and try to make arrangements to see him separately.
If I were you, I'd go (bite my tongue) and leave if things turn for the worst otherwise, do it for the sake of your brother and his kids. It's amazing how adults can act so irresponsible isn't it? GOOD LUCK!
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