Neighbors and understanding cultural differences (Reston, Orange: new home, neighborhoods, elementary school)

[vauser]

I hail from India, but have lived in the US for about a decade and a half, and am still learning (and quite a few ways off, still) the culture. Back in India, at least when I lived there, it is very common to invite neighbors (who may be complete strangers) into your house, serve tea, dinner and what not, from the get go. You don't typically stand outside the homes and entertain people, you invite them INSIDE the house, doesn't matter what time or day it is.

You drop into each other's homes and try to remove the glass barrier, if one exists, to begin with. I realize and appreciate the cultural differences between the different countries and hence, would like to understand the dos and donts of neighborhood families - I mean, what is accepted? What is considered friendly? What is considered prying? What is considered intrusive? And so on and so forth.

While I am no stranger to the system, given our upcoming move, we want to start afresh!

[Darkseid]

The issue of inviting someone INSIDE your home is more about your own safety than being rude. A wise man once told me that "if you invite someone into your home, you invite them into your life". Having had a few people I thought I trusted to steal from me I took that advice to heart and became a very private person.

That being said, I think that if you invite someone to your home, it will be taken as a nice gesture but not a serious invite. My advice is to feel your neighbors out a little. You may want to take them a gift or a small dish to break the ice. A private person (i.e., like me) may be very nice and neighborly, but may not necessarily want to come over for dinner. Don't take it personally, because it is not. People have their own lives to live. At least that is how I approach life. That is why I would never just drop by a person's home. I would not want to be rude as they may be busy with other things. I kinda expect the same.

I would suggest to invite them to a larger gathering such as a some holiday party. I am new to my community and I haven't gotten to know my new neighbors very well. However, when I have a Bar-b-que on Memorial Day/4th of July, etc or Christmas Party with family and friends, I will invite the neighbors to come over. I have found that works best for me.

[Carlingtonian]

It varies a lot by neighborhood, but I would say people in the US overall are more private than what you describe in India. When someone moves into a new home in the US, neighbors will probably chat you up if they see you outside--asking if you have kids, where you moved from last, etc.--but that's usually it. Some neighbors may drop off a small welcome gift (cookies or the like), but this is not that common. You are *definitely* not under any expectation to invite strangers over. (In fact, this would be quite unusual--though people, being both nosy and eager to eat someone else's food, would probably accept your invitatation quite eagerly).

Originally Posted by Darkseid

You may want to take them a gift or a small dish to break the ice.

Although that's a nice idea, I've never seen it done in the US. (In Japan, by contrast, giving a little gift [often hand towels] to the immediate neighbors is expected.) In the US, I think it would throw people a little and perhaps come off as overly eager.

Inviting all the neighbors over if you have a party is a nice idea--but that can get expensive fast if you're not careful.

I definitely agree that you should not just drop by people's homes unannounced. Some people (us included) find this very presumptuous in that we're expected to drop whatever we're doing. Plus we may not have the house as tidy as we would if we're expecting guests. In addition, many people nowadays don't answer the door if they're not expecting someone, because they don't want to have to deal with door-to-door solicitors or (at worst) open the door to a home invasion. (It does happen.)

A nice way to get to know neighbors is a block party. You don't want to suggest one as the new people on the block, but if one is held, it's a good way to get to know everyone.

Finally: The most important thing to do, I think, is to say greet neighbors when you see them--a hello or a wave.

[OrangeFish]

Do you have a dog? Take your dog on a walk around the neighborhood - it's an instant conversation starter!

[Darkseid]

Forgot to mention that another thing about Northern Virginia is that, depending on where you move, chances are that some (if not many) of your neighbors will be Indian themselves. So don't fear culture differences

[vauser]

Originally Posted by OrangeFish

Do you have a dog? Take your dog on a walk around the neighborhood - it's an instant conversation starter!

Unfortunately, I am scared of dogs. But, I completely understand what you mean. We once took a friend's dog (my son loves little dogs) for a walk in Reston (Town Center) and it made me question my fear of dogs and how I may have missed out on some potential dating opportunities back in the days ;-)

[vauser]

Originally Posted by Darkseid

Forgot to mention that another thing about Northern Virginia is that, depending on where you move, chances are that some (if not many) of your neighbors will be Indian themselves. So don't fear culture differences

True but given the melting pot NoVA is, we really would like to make some new friends who are multi-cultural. I've had no issues making such friends in a work environment but somehow, when it comes to completely social stuff, we still feel like we are *missing* something about how to build cross-cultural relationships.

[Darkseid]

Originally Posted by vauser

True but given the melting pot NoVA is, we really would like to make some new friends who are multi-cultural. I've had no issues making such friends in a work environment but somehow, when it comes to completely social stuff, we still feel like we are *missing* something about how to build cross-cultural relationships.

Hmmm, that is very thoughtful of you but keep in mind that the older people get, the more reluctant they may be to make new (close) friends. Acquaintances? Yes. Close friends? Not that much. When it comes to hanging out socially, most people hang out with people they've been friends with for years. So don't beat yourself up over this because it is not just you. That is just how we are as human beings.

I also have a lot of acquaintances from work that are from all types of different ethnic backgrounds - many of whom I like very much. However, I would be reluctant to call any of them "friends". My friends are those that I hang out with, go to the game with, and even go on vacation with. And I have been friends with some of them since Elementary school. My friends know me and I know them. I dare say that few people have a lot of friends - close friends - that are outside of their ethnicity/race/whatever.

[Smoke_Jaguar4]

Americans tend to socialize based on shared activities. For example, if you have kids then you will meet many of your neighbors at school related events. Otherwise, as has been mentioned meet your neighbors at holiday parties. Most neighborhoods have a homeowner's association that organizes events. The upcoming social holidays are Easter, where neighborhoods organize Easter egg hunts, and Memorial Day, which is the traditional start of the summer season in the U.S.

Other social holidays include:
Independence Day
Memorial Day
Halloween
Thanksgiving
Christmas
New Years day

And welcome to the U.S!

[vauser]

Originally Posted by Smoke_Jaguar4

Americans tend to socialize based on shared activities. For example, if you have kids then you will meet many of your neighbors at school related events. Otherwise, as has been mentioned meet your neighbors at holiday parties. Most neighborhoods have a homeowner's association that organizes events. The upcoming social holidays are Easter, where neighborhoods organize Easter egg hunts, and Memorial Day, which is the traditional start of the summer season in the U.S.

Other social holidays include:
Independence Day
Memorial Day
Halloween
Thanksgiving
Christmas
New Years day

And welcome to the U.S!

"And welcome to the U.S!"

Funny, but true. Funny, because I've been here for over a decade and a half. True, because I still feel like a complete stranger a lot of times.