Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So, I [28F] recently moved from Orlando, FL to Richmond, VA. I lost my theme park job due to the pandemic, and was feeling an overwhelming sense of urgency to go somewhere new and start fresh (during a pandemic, I know, crazy.) Tying in my relationship - I started dating my ex [30M] a few months before the pandemic started. We worked together at the same theme park, and immediately fell hard for each other. In March, we were both furloghed from our jobs. On top of that, I tragically lost my kitten two days before the parks shut down, and was in a car accident a week prior. My life felt like it was falling apart. Near the end of March when we found out we were indefinitely furloughed, I kind of lost it and went into crisis mode. I broke up with my boyfriend (much to his surprise) and started trying to figure out what my next big move was.
Through a series of events, I ended up coming across a friend-of-a-friend in Richmond, who needed a roommate come July. She even had a job opening at her parent's owned company, which she basically told me I was a shoe-in for. It felt perfect. We chatted several times, and eventually, I made the decision to move to Richmond. About a month later, in early May, I reconnected with my ex. We started by just gradually talking again, and it morphed into all the feelings coming back. He helped me through a lot of the stress and anxiety I had from the loss of my kitten and job within days of each other, as well as supported me through my decision to move. In early June, he was asked back to his job at the theme park... and I was not. Which was a tough pill for me to swallow, even though I already made a decision to move, regardless. Even though I was obviously upset and hurt by the rejection of the job, he was always there to listen and support me, while also struggling to return to work in the entertainment industry during such a weird time.
When the time came for me to pack my car and move, he literally came over to my parents house and helped me pack the car the night before I left. We kept in close contact every day once I got to Richmond, and by the end of the month, he had a flight to come visit me and spend a few days with me. We decided then that a long distance relationship was in our future, because we couldn't imagine a scenario without each other.
The first few months were perfect. While distance is obviously hard, we texted all day and had long, nightly phone calls. We did the Netflix Party and watched shows or movies together frequently. We video chatted and send many Snapchats. I had no issues with the state of things, and almost felt happy to have some space but yet still feel so close to someone. He came to visit several times (he earned time off through his job and used it to take weekends off to come see me, my job is a pretty strict 9-5 without a real vacation package, so I am not able to fly and visit him for four days in the middle of the week as easily). We were happy and we were content. He even talked about moving up to Richmond with me, and had looked for some jobs that may be available. We knew it would take time, with Covid things are still kind of scarce, but it felt promising.
Then... the unexpected happened. He was given a significant raise at work in October. One that would be hard for anyone to walk away from. He was honest with me, that it was now harder for him to think of moving, but it wasn't completely off the table. Then... the holidays happened. Being in a theme park, this was his busiest time of year. The hours he worked were opposite mine. The virtual dates stopped. Texting lagged. While I was finally having some free time to send Christmas cards, shop for gifts, watch Hallmark movies, spend time with my family, he was working his butt off. & we both started to feel the disconnect. I let it go for a while, feeling like... "it will get better once the holidays are over, right?" but yet, even into the new year, something felt... off.
A few nights ago, we video chatted. I expressed my feelings of loneliness, and how our dates had diminished. I sent him a few small things in the mail, yet I never got anything back. I stayed up into the we hours of the night to talk to him, but he never got up early to call me. If we did anything, it had to be on his days off, even though I still worked a full day. I just wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him try to step up a little. I understand he is busy, I understand our work schedules are different, but I wanted a little bit of romance or effort to also accommodate my schedule as well. He said he didn't realize he was doing it and could work on it, "BUT..." and then it happened. He brought up the distance. How with his job, and some personal things going on with his family, he couldn't see himself leaving Orlando. He was grounded here, and he didn't think he could give up the good things that were happening to move to Virginia. I understood, as I wasn't sure I could give up everything I worked for in the last few months, either. My family moved back to Pennsylvania and were now only a 4 hour car ride away. I finally had a full time job with 40 hour work weeks and weekends free. I have a one bedroom apartment with my cat and I. I felt like I couldn't commit to giving all of that up. So we felt we had no choice... and we ended it.
I was shocked. I think maybe I still am in shock, even though it's been three or four days. However, since it happened, I just can't help thinking that maybe I did the wrong thing. YES, I am in love with how my life is going right now. But this isn't my dream job. I don't even know what my dream career is anymore. I always thought it was entertainment administration, but then my goals shifted to just making a living in something I could be satisfied doing. I am an administrative assistant at a plumbing company right now. My family is close, but they don't live next door. I loved having the holidays with them, but maybe I don't need to spend the actual day with them, as long as I get a real weekend or week to celebrate together and make our own holiday.
It's like I've suddenly been thinking that perhaps I could make Florida work again. Perhaps it's not so bad, once I give myself time to grieve from the things that weren't working there and find new things to fill my time. I miss him so much, and I know he misses me too. We broke up because of our surrounding circumstances, not because the love between us had diminished. Some of my friends have told me to stop living in a dream world and to just face the reality and move on to something else, focus on myself for a bit then start dating in Richmond. But a few others have told me that if I'm feeling that my time with him isn't over, I shouldn't ignore it just because that's what people who aren't involved in the relationship are telling me. All I know is that I miss him. I don't know what I want anymore. My lease expires end of September. I want to spend the next few months focusing on what my goals are, but I am open to them including a move back to FL, given that I find a job that allows ample vacation time to see my family.
I guess what I'm asking, is if from what I've shared, you all feel like it's worth it to take a risk and move back to Orlando and explore what could still be here? Or should I shut this down and just move on to someone new? I don't really know many people my age in Richmond, and aside from my immediate family who are back in Pennsylvania, I have a huge friend group in Orlando.
Please help me sort out these complicated feelings!
TLDR: broke up with long distance boyfriend, living in separate states (I'm in Virginia, he's in Florida). I feel the loss hard, and am considering moving back to be with him when my lease expires. Breakup was due to distance and both feeling unable to move to one another in the near future. Now I feel I may be able to give FL a shot again when my lease expires in the fall. Please help.
I'm sorry this may sound harsh but after reading the whole post you stated you were 28, but the post sounded like a 16 year old who is is in love and scared of losing somebody.
Honestly, it sounds like you left Florida because you were not going to be able to support yourself with the job loss in the pandemic, which a lot of us can relate to. You were able to network and find both a job and home in a short period of time, and can currently support yourself in Virginia.
You stated "I think I can make Florida work again"... but why???
Do you have a more promising work situation or substantial upgrade in wages in Florida to move to?
Are you able to upgrade the work life balance with working less hours and having more time off to enjoy life?
Do you have a nicer and more affordable home to move back to?
Those are good reasons to move back; however (correct me if I'm wrong here), your main reasons to move back are:
1) You are trying to salvage a relationship that didnt work out the first time, and appears to be going down the same path again.
2) You have a large network of friends in Florida compared to Virginia, and probably feel out of place or lonely.
My advice on the information you provided would:
1) I would stay in Virginia, the pandemic is still raging on down here. Nothing has really improved since March, and the population is so high that it will take much longer than most states to get the vaccines out and life back to normal here.
2) Lay it all out to him ASAP. If you are willing to continue a long distance relationship, tell him. If he isnt willing to do a long distance relationship during a global state of emergency after "being there for you" during your time of need when you needed to move, he is simply not that into you. If things like friends, work, or family drama are getting in the way of communicating with you... it won't improve with you moving back. He'll try to find ways to avoid you, and you will resent him for uprooting yourself to be with him.
Everything you are going through is understandable. Seemingly overnight, you lost your job, heading towards losing your home, and then entered into a relationship during these series of uncertain events... the relationship being the only posivite takeaway. You were able to find a new job, new home something tha that many simply arent able to do right now. Now are considering moving back to what appears to be a whole lot more uncertainty because of loneliness.
You probably have not made a lot of friends or have a large enough social network in Virginia right now. The pandemic has affected how we all interact and socially develop connections so you probably are not giving VA a chance.
You mentioned that your family is now in Pennsylvania, a 4 hour drive away. They are probably going to be that support you need when you move back to Florida, downgrade your lifestyle, and relationship ends... and that drive is no longer possible.
Speaking as a male:
If a guy wants to be in a relationship and is in love, he will make it happen. Theme Park jobs are seasonally heavy by nature, busy peroids are pretty predictable which makes it easier to get multiple days off. If he hasnt been trying to arrange travel dates, for mid Jan early Feb (when its slower) or trying arrange your days off with his day off, the relationship isn't a priority to him.
I met my wife in my mid 30s working overseas in Brazil. When my contract was up and visa expired, I had to leave the country and we did the long distance thing for 2 years. 1 Year of that was "dating" (US and Brazilian travel visas are only a few months) so she came to my home for a few months, and I spent 3 weeks with her family and her (I had to work so couldnt take more time off). The other year was spent dealing with the US and Brazilian Governments processing the Fiance Visa.
Sorry to ramble on, my point is if he was as invested in the relationship as you there would be much more effort on his part.
The OP cannot be 28. No way. These are the ramblings of a 16 year old who lost it to her first crush. No mature adult would be acting like this.
Focus on yourself FIRST! At the end of the day, you have you & you alone to rely upon. Be realistic...Odds are against the vast majority of LDR's. Get your own house in order THEN date if you wish. If you career prospects are better in VA, you'd be a moron to move back to FL!
You're a broken adult in more ways than one and I sure as heck wouldn't want to date someone as broken as you are. Fix yourself!
(CD is the worst place to go for relationship advice, btw.)
The OP cannot be 28. No way. These are the ramblings of a 16 year old who lost it to her first crush. No mature adult would be acting like this.
Focus on yourself FIRST! At the end of the day, you have you & you alone to rely upon. Be realistic...Odds are against the vast majority of LDR's. Get your own house in order THEN date if you wish. If you career prospects are better in VA, you'd be a moron to move back to FL!
You're a broken adult in more ways than one and I sure as heck wouldn't want to date someone as broken as you are. Fix yourself!
(CD is the worst place to go for relationship advice, btw.)
Its ignorant comments like this that makes CD a bad place to get advice from.
Someone who uprooted their life during a global pandemic to for a job and home and is having doubts is natural. Doing it for a shaky relationship is just not rational, this is why the OP is reaching out for advice.
A broken adult is someone who goes on online forums to intentionally make a distressed person feel bad about themselves.
The OP cannot be 28. No way. These are the ramblings of a 16 year old who lost it to her first crush. No mature adult would be acting like this.
Focus on yourself FIRST! At the end of the day, you have you & you alone to rely upon. Be realistic...Odds are against the vast majority of LDR's. Get your own house in order THEN date if you wish. If you career prospects are better in VA, you'd be a moron to move back to FL!
You're a broken adult in more ways than one and I sure as heck wouldn't want to date someone as broken as you are. Fix yourself!
(CD is the worst place to go for relationship advice, btw.)
This is harsh. Doesn't matter if OP is 28. She lost her job during a pandemic and made the decision to move so she'd at least have a place to live and a job. Love is hard to find and I can understand being confused if she made the right decision.
But it is true, if a man wants to be in a relationship he will do whatever needs to be done to maintain that relationship. Sounds as if OP's ex wants to move on.
I will say, while yes, this is very emotional and rambly, I wrote it two days after a breakup that I wasn't expecting with someone I thought I was going to have a future with. I did uproot my life in the midst of a pandemic, and while we already knew that was a pressure on the relationship, we still wanted to give it a shot and try it out. I apologize for perhaps not having the most eloquent way of expressing my feelings when this was initially written, but I was, and still am, lost and heart broken.
I agree, I need to take time for myself. I lost a lot in 2020, and part of that was a sense of identity with my job loss and some personal losses. Plus, my whole family uprooted and moved states as well. My entire "home base" changed, and though we had distance separating us, he was my one constant and grounding force. Please try to have some compassion and understanding in how much change I had in such a short span of time.
To those of you saying that I am a broken human... that is just uncalled for. You don't know me. Yes, you saw the post I wrote looking for some advice in a time of need, but I have a lot of good things going for me, too. I have a full time job and healthcare, which I got in the middle of a pandemic. I have my own apartment, a pet, normal bills and payments I manage, & I enjoy quite a lot out of life. While I agree that I have some things to figure out about what my future holds, it doesn't mean I'm too "broken" to date someone or understand love and loss.
Thank you for those who pointed out some valid points and gave genuine advice and opinions.
Its ignorant comments like this that makes CD a bad place to get advice from.
Someone who uprooted their life during a global pandemic to for a job and home and is having doubts is natural. Doing it for a shaky relationship is just not rational, this is why the OP is reaching out for advice.
A broken adult is someone who goes on online forums to intentionally make a distressed person feel bad about themselves.
We're saying the same thing, bruh......
I don't post here to be "kind" (OP needs more reality, less kindness IMO) As for insinuating that I am the "broken" one because of my previous post, see my last comment. I'm not here to molly coddle, nor should anyone who truly wants OP to open their eyes and start healing. You're giving here the internet equivalent of patting her on the back & saying "there, there". Useless.
I will say, while yes, this is very emotional and rambly, I wrote it two days after a breakup that I wasn't expecting with someone I thought I was going to have a future with. I did uproot my life in the midst of a pandemic, and while we already knew that was a pressure on the relationship, we still wanted to give it a shot and try it out. I apologize for perhaps not having the most eloquent way of expressing my feelings when this was initially written, but I was, and still am, lost and heart broken.
I agree, I need to take time for myself. I lost a lot in 2020, and part of that was a sense of identity with my job loss and some personal losses. Plus, my whole family uprooted and moved states as well. My entire "home base" changed, and though we had distance separating us, he was my one constant and grounding force. Please try to have some compassion and understanding in how much change I had in such a short span of time.
To those of you saying that I am a broken human... that is just uncalled for. You don't know me. Yes, you saw the post I wrote looking for some advice in a time of need, but I have a lot of good things going for me, too. I have a full time job and healthcare, which I got in the middle of a pandemic. I have my own apartment, a pet, normal bills and payments I manage, & I enjoy quite a lot out of life. While I agree that I have some things to figure out about what my future holds, it doesn't mean I'm too "broken" to date someone or understand love and loss.
Thank you for those who pointed out some valid points and gave genuine advice and opinions.
You don't need compassion, understanding or kindness. You need a kick in the pants and a slap across the face! Wallowing in self pity and seeking approval from nameless, faceless people on a screen is not going to help. I stand by everything I said earlier, including the tone used. It's not "kicking you when you're down" as an ill-informed posted mused. It's a well placed wake up call and a call to action. Will you answer the call?
You don't need compassion, understanding or kindness. You need a kick in the pants and a slap across the face! Wallowing in self pity and seeking approval from nameless, faceless people on a screen is not going to help. I stand by everything I said earlier, including the tone used. It's not "kicking you when you're down" as an ill-informed posted mused. It's a well placed wake up call and a call to action. Will you answer the call?
Thank you so much for your opinion
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
