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Why is it that everytime you turn around, a friend or a relative has become an enablers to their kids or grandkids? I mean, that if the perants don't do as their kids tell them or ask of them, they hold the grandkids over their heads telling them. "If you don't do this for me you'll never see your grandchildren again." Or, "I need a place for me and the kids to live."
I have siblings who are raising grandkids "most of which are illegitimate" because they're children are to lazy or to busy partying. I'm sorry but, it seems to me that they (the Grandparents) did their child rearing and now its their kids turn to do theirs. Well I'm sorry "you brought them into this world, you take care of them." With the way that the economy is today Grandparents don't need this burden.
My Parents had a good one to remember, "DON'T BRING THEM INTO THE WORLD, IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO TAKE CARE OF THEM."
And as far as I'm concerned, I don't want to hear about your problems if are an ENABLER. You are an adult, tell your children "I'm sorry you feel that way, By, By". Then go and enjoy the life that YOU worked so hard for . To many of these young adults are taking advantage of their parents, and it's not funny. Then the parents sit there gripng and complaining about it. Well, you allowed yourself to becme the ENABLER , quit complaining.
Do you know of people that are like this, Iwant to konw your views on this matter. And what would you tell them?
Great post...but...it's very difficult for family members to just stand by while a child is being abused or living in a dangerous/unhealthy situation. I think that's why it happens so often that way...grandparents raising grandchildren.
Meth, of course, is a huge factor in so many of these instances. It's quite a shame that there's nothing in meth that renders people infertile.
We could only wish that Meth would sterilize them all.
But in the case were a childs life is in jeopardy. I say, yes I would take them in as well. But still, when the grandparents get grandchildren dumped in their laps, only because the kids say, "I want my life back or I can't deal with them anymore". Then the grandparents end up raising the children during the hard times of their young live. Or, just because the kids want to go out partying every weekend, again the grandparents take in the grandkids. Now they have just become an enabler to the lazy kids and their life style.
You grandparents need to go out and enjoy your lives that you worked so hard for and damn well deserve. Tell that 30 year old son to get out of YOUR HOUSE, get a job and get a life. Or, your daughter inlaw and son or "vice versa" to shutup, quit begging, grow up and raise their own responsibilities. Or simply just tell them, "we're not available today, we love you, good by." Sometimes tough love is the best remedy.
I agree with you Seabeebolt. I see this all too too often with friends or aquaintances. And then sending the kids (25 - 30+) money beacause they were late with their bills because their credit card debt could feed a small country. It is amazing.
I know a young lady, 23, whose parents bought her a condo with furnishings. I asked her what her mortgage was and her condo fee. She looked at me with that blank Paris Hilton look. Clueless. And, no, her parents are not wealthy. What a reality check she is going to have one of these days.
Unfortunately...the kind of blackmail you're talking about is all too prevalent, and I think the fact that grandchildren are involved just makes it that much tougher for the grandparents to employ the kind of tough love that might provide the incentive for some people to straighten out their ways for the sake of their children.
I don't think that the average meth loser is going to do that no matter what; they're just going to keep at that lifestyle and drag their children down with them.
When it happened in my family, there was no bs and no fooling around. My meth loser of a so called brother had a daughter with a crack ***** who also had five other children with all different fathers of course...my so called brother's daughter being the oldest, she was basically the caretaker for the rest of the children, missing school often when mommy and whatever "man" of the moment were out ingesting drugs made from household chemicals and basically behaving like the trailer park losers that they were.
My father and I were tired of scraping the daughter off the streets so we informed the mother that she could either cede custody of the kid to us or we'd take it in court. She of course kicked up a fuss because that would have lowered her welfare payments as well as deprived her of free childcare but oh well.
My niece lived with my dad, went to school, and is doing okay now. My brother is still a dirtbag meth loser who seems to have some bitterness for my father and myself for "disrespecting" his daughter's relationship with her mother.
Anyway, my point in revealing the trailer park side of my family (though I don't consider my brother to be family) is that sometimes relatives have to step in. When they do, they need to do it on their own terms and not be subject to string pulling and blackmail.
Meth freaks will put that drug ahead of their own children almost every time and they really like the games of power that they can play with other relatives.
I'm glad that you showed the young lady what tough love is all about. As for your brother, he is what Doc Phil calls "voluntarily stupid". And you are right, sometimes family should step in when it comes to small children. They can't fend for their selves.
Why is it that everytime you turn around, a friend or a relative has become an enablers to their kids or grandkids? I mean, that if the perants don't do as their kids tell them or ask of them, they hold the grandkids over their heads telling them. "If you don't do this for me you'll never see your grandchildren again." Or, "I need a place for me and the kids to live."
I have siblings who are raising grandkids "most of which are illegitimate" because they're children are to lazy or to busy partying. I'm sorry but, it seems to me that they (the Grandparents) did their child rearing and now its their kids turn to do theirs. Well I'm sorry "you brought them into this world, you take care of them." With the way that the economy is today Grandparents don't need this burden.
My Parents had a good one to remember, "DON'T BRING THEM INTO THE WORLD, IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO TAKE CARE OF THEM."
And as far as I'm concerned, I don't want to hear about your problems if are an ENABLER. You are an adult, tell your children "I'm sorry you feel that way, By, By". Then go and enjoy the life that YOU worked so hard for . To many of these young adults are taking advantage of their parents, and it's not funny. Then the parents sit there gripng and complaining about it. Well, you allowed yourself to becme the ENABLER , quit complaining.
Do you know of people that are like this, Iwant to konw your views on this matter. And what would you tell them?
You know this seems alot more frequent- I agree. My SIL- has 2 teens- one is 24 and has a 2 year old. The daughter, "M." sleeps all day and delivers pizza part-time. AT age 24. The mom takes care of her baby, while M. parties out. Then they have a son "J'". J has been arrested for coke posession several times. He is 19, does not work, and gets trust funds from his grandpa.
It is insane My father would NEVER have tolerated that kind of attitude. The kids seem to know they can get away with murder.
It sounds like to me that Mom needs to apply the boot to both of them! If she keeps letting this to continue, she's only hurting herself . She has already allowed them to turn her into an enabler, so she needs not complain.
I believe that all of this behavior was instilled in these kids by the parents in their childhood. Instead of being tought that NO means NO, the parents try this compromising crap. I'm sorry, when I was growing up, our house was a dictatorship. Mom and Dad dictated to us what the rules were and thats all there was to it. If you broke the rules, you most definitely suffered the consequences . And I have always loved and respected them for that, among other things.
I know of parents that go out and buy new cars for their kids, big mistake. The kids don't take care of it, and they still expect Mom and Dad to supply money for gas, insurance and maintenance.
If you try to keep your kids close to you by becoming a enabler to their habits and wants, they'll kick you in the teeth everytime. And if the parents allow this to continue, they deserve what they get.
I'm sorry if I have affended some people out there, but someone need to tell them. I have seen it to many times with my own siblings. Of course some of them don't talk to me anymore because I've told them the same thing . Tough love is a good thing.
It sounds like to me that Mom needs to apply the boot to both of them! If she keeps letting this to continue, she's only hurting herself . She has already allowed them to turn her into an enabler, so she needs not complain.
I believe that all of this behavior was instilled in these kids by the parents in their childhood. Instead of being tought that NO means NO, the parents try this compromising crap. I'm sorry, when I was growing up, our house was a dictatorship. Mom and Dad dictated to us what the rules were and thats all there was to it. If you broke the rules, you most definitely suffered the consequences . And I have always loved and respected them for that, among other things.
I know of parents that go out and buy new cars for their kids, big mistake. The kids don't take care of it, and they still expect Mom and Dad to supply money for gas, insurance and maintenance.
If you try to keep your kids close to you by becoming a enabler to their habits and wants, they'll kick you in the teeth everytime. And if the parents allow this to continue, they deserve what they get.
I'm sorry if I have affended some people out there, but someone need to tell them. I have seen it to many times with my own siblings. Of course some of them don't talk to me anymore because I've told them the same thing . Tough love is a good thing.
She is living a horrible life- but finally booted the alcoholic husband out- lol(he used to party with "J."and then call him a bum!!! -I mean wt-----what is wrong(the man is 50 years old)
I guess the kids saw the cycle- and they have trust funds from grandpa coming- and all have new cars. Its unreal. I dont have kids but would never put up with that. Unreal.
My sister calls me every night, to complain about her daughter. She is another one of these who loves to dump the kids on the grandparents. She is 25 has three children all with different fathers.
She just lost one of them to the father, and that is no better, now that child is being abused by the stepmother, but DHS does not want to do anything about it.
My niece has the life, lives with parents, comes and goes as she pleases, has a new boyfriend about every week, and losing her child does not bother her???? WTF is wrong with her????? I don't understand it.
My niece's exboyfriend went and bought her a car today because she couldn't walk three blocks to her part-time job, problem is she don't have her drivers lic. anymore due to two DUI'S the exboyfriend tells her to make the payments and keep insurance on the car, and nothing is in writing????
I told my sister now she will be ramming and running all night long, plus the chance of being pulled over for driving under suspended lic. ???? I told her I wouldn't put up with that crap no more, she needs to do the tough love on her daughter, but she don't dare since they are trying to get the other grandchild back, and that her own daughter abuses her with hitting kicking etc. I am sorry but her butt would be out the door, I wouldn't care anymore!!!!!
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. To many of these young adults are taking advantage of their parents, and it's not funny. Then the parents sit there gripng and complaining about it. Well, you allowed yourself to becme the ENABLER
, quit complaining.
I Think Your Right
.
excellent thread-
My father would NEVER have tolerated that kind of attitude. The kids seem to know they can get away with murder.
. She has already allowed them to turn her into an enabler, so she needs not complain. 
. And I have always loved and respected them for that, among other things. 
