Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Oh, thank you Ohiogirl! Excellent article!
And the line “They’re a huge source of joy, but they turn every other source of joy to ****.” is absolutely priceless.
I posted on this very topic a few weeks ago where I argued, pure and simply, that today's parenting is HARDER than parenting has ever been before. End of story. I received glorious responses ranging from "no, because parents in the past dealth with the Great Depression" to "no, because parents in the past didn't get to have gay children without societal grief".
Then I gave up.
I will print out the article and keep it in the archive. Worth a ton.
I'm glad you liked it! I hope everyone figured out I posed it at the last page and there are 4 pages before that one.i didnt realize that when I posted the link.
I don't think there's any real way to quantify whether it's harder than it used to be, because you have no control group by which to measure. Even those of us who have widely spaced children can only comment on now v. twenty or so years ago. Whether my great-grandmother, who had her children in the waning years of the nineteenth century, had it harder or easier is a tough call. She didn't have to deal with IEP meetings or gangs, but I'm not sending my twelve-year-old son off to work in the coal mines or dealing with the death of my three-year-old from dysentery.
The thing that hit me about the article, though, was the idea that having children is supposed to make you happy. That bothers me. Other people aren't responsible for your happiness, and simply having-- things, people, whatever-- ultimately won't make you happy. Happiness is your own responsibility. It's your chosen response to stimuli, not the stimulus itself. You can choose to be content with what's in your life, or you can choose not to be. If parents hate parenting, I'd guess it has as much to do with unreasonable expectations as anything else. We expect to have everything, all at once, and as much of everything as (or more than) everyone else. Blame those old En Joli commercials, maybe.
Quote:
From the article: “They just think that Americans are a little too complicated about everything.”
Yeah, I could buy that.
ETA: Oh, and it loaded at the beginning for me, Ohiogirl.
It seems like some years ago, I read some study that supposedly showed that the happiest couples were those who had grown children. ( Not those who had never had children. Not those who currently were raising children either.) Kinds of goes along with this article. My own experience is that yes, raising a child can be difficult and trying but there is little in life so rewarding.
It seems like some years ago, I read some study that supposedly showed that the happiest couples were those who had grown children. ( Not those who had never had children. Not those who currently were raising children either.) Kinds of goes along with this article. My own experience is that yes, raising a child can be difficult and trying but there is little in life so rewarding.
Well, I can highly endorse having grown children! It's nice to watch the next generation turning out so well. And grandchildren are fun because you know you have a hand in their creation, but few responsibilities. Plus you can hang out with them and then give them back at the end of the day.
I posted on this very topic a few weeks ago where I argued, pure and simply, that today's parenting is HARDER than parenting has ever been before. End of story. I received glorious responses ranging from "no, because parents in the past dealth with the Great Depression" to "no, because parents in the past didn't get to have gay children without societal grief".
I don't have children, but I've argued the same. It's harder today for parents. Some people say, go back to the "old standards" of raising children. Things have changed so much. Most of those methods wouldn't work today. The images on tv and in commericals are becoming more and more alarming. I truly believe parenting is a very difficult job.
It seems like some years ago, I read some study that supposedly showed that the happiest couples were those who had grown children. ( Not those who had never had children. Not those who currently were raising children either.) Kinds of goes along with this article. My own experience is that yes, raising a child can be difficult and trying but there is little in life so rewarding.
I don't believe that study. I don't have children, but I'm happy as a lark. Whatever that it!
A professional quoted in that article is someone I went to school with years ago. She makes the point of parents as professionals before they become parents, and thinking there are absolutes in the way you do things, and transferring that to parenting. I think that is a HUGELY accurate observation. I have friends and we talk about this a lot - the pressure of doing it "right" and worrying whether it was done "right" and getting criticized for not doing it "right" when our kids don't follow the expected behavior guidelines. (and I see that here a lot).
I lost a (not very close, more of an acquaintance) friend to suicide earlier this year - officially she had post partum depression. After her death, I learned of how successful she had been as a child, college student, young professional, and learned more of her mothering - how she took care of everything, including mothering her husband. A friend of mine and I were talking after this and came to the conclusion that so many mothers out there are used to being incredibly successful in our lives and then we have kids - and having kids is a humbling experience. For some moms, it is really really hard to learn that it is ok to be "good enough" and you don't have to spend hours trying to perfect parenting. It is all too easy for moms these days to feel like failures because we have so many sources of conflicting advice. It can make parenting a miserable experience if a mom cannot shake it.
Sryacusa, I do see now what you mean about parenting being so much more difficult for some.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aconite
The thing that hit me about the article, though, was the idea that having children is supposed to make you happy. That bothers me. Other people aren't responsible for your happiness, and simply having-- things, people, whatever-- ultimately won't make you happy. Happiness is your own responsibility. It's your chosen response to stimuli, not the stimulus itself. You can choose to be content with what's in your life, or you can choose not to be. If parents hate parenting, I'd guess it has as much to do with unreasonable expectations as anything else. We expect to have everything, all at once, and as much of everything as (or more than) everyone else. Blame those old En Joli commercials, maybe.
Yeah, I could buy that.
ETA: Oh, and it loaded at the beginning for me, Ohiogirl.
You hit the nail on the head. I remember my mom telling me "as long as you are happy, I am happy. As long as you are okay, I am okay." That was a burden to put on me considering that I really wasn't taught what it meant to be happy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisdol
A professional quoted in that article is someone I went to school with years ago. She makes the point of parents as professionals before they become parents, and thinking there are absolutes in the way you do things, and transferring that to parenting. I think that is a HUGELY accurate observation. I have friends and we talk about this a lot - the pressure of doing it "right" and worrying whether it was done "right" and getting criticized for not doing it "right" when our kids don't follow the expected behavior guidelines. (and I see that here a lot).
I lost a (not very close, more of an acquaintance) friend to suicide earlier this year - officially she had post partum depression. After her death, I learned of how successful she had been as a child, college student, young professional, and learned more of her mothering - how she took care of everything, including mothering her husband. A friend of mine and I were talking after this and came to the conclusion that so many mothers out there are used to being incredibly successful in our lives and then we have kids - and having kids is a humbling experience. For some moms, it is really really hard to learn that it is ok to be "good enough" and you don't have to spend hours trying to perfect parenting. It is all too easy for moms these days to feel like failures because we have so many sources of conflicting advice. It can make parenting a miserable experience if a mom cannot shake it.
I have said this about myself too many times. The people who helped me take the path I am on now are people who never told me I was wrong or right. They told me to determine that myself and I have to say, it has made parenting so much easier. I think there is too much emphasis on doing things right the first time. Mistakes are unacceptable.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
