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I think it is rude and inconsiderate to make you sleep in a hot garage. However, if you want to see your dad badly enough maybe you should by a fan. That should make it a little more comfortable.
Brink,
You seem to be doing all of this work to continue a relationship, when a relationship shouldn't be work at all. I think it's time to make him do the work, since it seems as it has to be "work" no matter what. I'm a parent of two. My boy should be going to college in 3 years. I wouldn't even contemplate putting him in a garage! I don't put my animals in a garage! And I live in FL and know how hot it can get! That is ridiculous, and please don't get mad, but I think it's ridiculous that you're not mad and saying h*ll no!
For a parent to let a step parent rule the family, and rule it unfairly, and not even consider the feelings of his child...is being no parent at all.
What I would do? I would write a note (have done so about other things), mail it to my father...send him an email as well, make it certified to only my father if I had to (in case you think step momma might not give it to him), and let him know my feelings, on every aspect. I would say that I refuse to come up until you're treated as family...in the house...with same food, not divided....with respect....and if he would like to see you, he can come down, or change some rules in the house. And that's that. Don't call. Don't apologize. Stop making excuses.
I'm definitely going to be sending an e-mail to my dad. The hard part about that is he lets my stepmom read them, and I know he goes over them with her to figure out what to say to me. I've already written up a rough draft but it's really angry.. I'm not sure of how to edit it..
The reason I'm having a hard time letting him go is that I feel like the clock is ticking with him. He's turning 70 this year (he was 50 when I was born), and has already gone through cancer twice in the past 5 years. I'm scared that if I stop talking to him now, I may never get the chance to see him again.
I know these all must sound like excuses, but they're the circumstances I'm living under. I guess I can't fix everything, though. But it feels awful not to try.
I'm definitely going to be sending an e-mail to my dad. The hard part about that is he lets my stepmom read them, and I know he goes over them with her to figure out what to say to me. I've already written up a rough draft but it's really angry.. I'm not sure of how to edit it..
The reason I'm having a hard time letting him go is that I feel like the clock is ticking with him. He's turning 70 this year (he was 50 when I was born), and has already gone through cancer twice in the past 5 years. I'm scared that if I stop talking to him now, I may never get the chance to see him again.
I know these all must sound like excuses, but they're the circumstances I'm living under. I guess I can't fix everything, though. But it feels awful not to try.
His age and health puts a bit of a difference on things. What you wrote above, starting with "the reason......", I would put that in the email. But I do understand how you feel about not wanting to NOT see him, because you don't know if he's going to do the next day. However, since you don't know he is......you also can't subject yourself to another possible 10 years of being treated unfairly. Do not stay there. But perhaps do go up and do a lunch, or a dinner.
I'm definitely going to be sending an e-mail to my dad. The hard part about that is he lets my stepmom read them, and I know he goes over them with her to figure out what to say to me. I've already written up a rough draft but it's really angry.. I'm not sure of how to edit it..
The reason I'm having a hard time letting him go is that I feel like the clock is ticking with him. He's turning 70 this year (he was 50 when I was born), and has already gone through cancer twice in the past 5 years. I'm scared that if I stop talking to him now, I may never get the chance to see him again.
I know these all must sound like excuses, but they're the circumstances I'm living under. I guess I can't fix everything, though. But it feels awful not to try.
No, they don't sound like excuses. It sounds like a very difficult situation. You love your father. That is not a character flaw.
I have a suggestion for you. In my area, we have Help Hotline, a number that you can call for advice. If you don't have Help Hotline in your area, you probably have something similar. The people who answer the phones are trained counselors, and it will probably help you to talk to someone new and completely neutral.
I, as a stepmother, would never allow any of my children to sleep in the garage. Every one of my children will always have a home with us.
As a daughter of a man who doesn't know how to be a father, it hurts. I know your disappointment. No matter how old you get, you always want to be the daddy's girl.
You cannot make your father step up. You have to respect yourself and your choices. You can allow your stepmother to disrespect you and your father sits there with his thumb up his rear, or you can stand up and put the responsibility of the relationship right back where it belongs.... in your father's lap.
You have done nothing to be ashamed of, made no excuses. There is no excuse to be given when you respect yourself. You are not a 10 yo little girl who has to follow the wishes of this woman in order to know your father. Now it is up to your father to step up and tell this woman where to put her files.
I don't think the heat is the problem. I live in New Orleans and I camp during the summer plus i ride my bike every day most time in the middle of the day when it is the hottest.
I think the problem is her dad is being a real tool for not making arrangements for them to sleep in the house like he should. What I really think is maybe the dad and step-mom don't want them for company so they make it had for them to come.
Thank you all, again. I wish I could show them your responses so they would realize responsible, caring parents don't put kids in the garage. It's so hard to talk to them- it's like talking to a wall. He even told me that most people would not have a problem with it.
Lucy, thank you for the hotline suggestion. I'll look up to see if there is one in my area.
brinkofsunshine I know you want to visit your dad and I kinda had the same problem with my dad when he was still alive.
He lived in Houston and I would not get to visit him as much as I wanted. What I did was set our computers up so that I could see him and I got to talk to him almost every day.
You can install skype on both of your computers and if you have video you can see each other when you're talking. I know this isn't the same as a real visit but I really enjoyed being able to talk and see my dad at the same time.
Thanks Busta- I have Skype myself and know my stepmom has it so they can talk to her family (what a surprise!). It's not quite the same as a visit, but maybe if he was looking at me while I explained my feelings to him he would be more understanding than a phone call or an e-mail.
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