Different Standards (teens, newborn, toddler, appropriate)

[txtqueen]

Originally Posted by aidxen

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the interesting responses.

I had not thought about the humble thing. I guess I was trying to contrast parenting styles. Actually I am proud of my kids. I was not going to say anything to the other parent because even though I would have handled it differently, it was his kid. I am also aware that because my kids were obediently (there's that word) waiting, that I had a responsibility to them to let them go and play. If I did not require my children to stand near their parents when we first arrive then obviously I would not have to do that.

How about patiently waiting?
Obedience is for dogs, behaved is for kids.

I wish there was parent swap, where for two weeks kids went to live in another house to try out a whole different life style and set of rules.

I know there is worlds strictest parents but those kids are misbehaved, im talking all sorts of kids not just bad ones try this out.

My opposite house would be a household like your's Aidxen.


I wish I understood the logic behind the things you do.
If I don't understand the logic behind something I wouldn't do it, I'm just like that.

[NoExcuses]

Originally Posted by Hopes

Nothing, if not taken to extreme. I took main issue with his gloating at his friend's expense. With friends like that who needs enemies, came to my mind.

Exactly what did it cost his friend? "At his friend's expense" would mean it cost his friend something. It cost his friend nothing, so it wasn't "at his friend's expense".

Originally Posted by Hopes

That wasn't my point. I don't mean what he tells his children. I mean his posting a thread on the internet to gloat about his children while he compares them to his friend's children and judges his friend. That's not humble. I was pointing out that I sure hope he somehow teaches his children to be humble in addition to being obedient. I wonder how the children will learn how to be humble when the OP doesn't seem to possess humility himself. He admits he's proud. Proud and humble don't mix. Judging and having compassion don't mix. THAT was my point.

YOU'RE talking about the OP's lack of humbleness?

I think he's plenty humble. At the same time, he's proud of his kids. That's a good thing.

[lucygirl951]

I think we can both judge and have compassion. We judge all of the time. Do I want my children playing at the home of the family down the street where the father is a violent alcoholic? No. That's a judgment. Do I welcome his children into my home? Do I greet him as a neighbor when I see him? Yes. That's compassion.

Maybe some of you are responding to the op based on what he's written on other threads? I ask because I honestly don't see anything the least bit offensive or boastful about his posts here.

[aidxen]

Hi there,
I did not intend it to be at my friends expense. The anonymity of the internet ensures that he is not identified. Even though I did not agree with the way he parented, I did not take him to task on it. We were not at his home for a workshop on parenting. However this is a parenting forum and it is a place where I enjoy discussing parenting issues. Hence I brought it up here. I enjoy being a parent. I am enjoying being on holidays with my kids. Its fun. (& very expensive). Yes I am proud of my kids.
I was comparing quite different parenting methods. Quite different responses.

[formercalifornian]

Were you comparing parenting methods? I didn't see that anywhere in your post. You detailed what you observed to be your friend's parenting method in a limited situation, certainly, but I didn't see any description of your parenting techniques, only your children's behavior (behavior that you have good reason to praise).

What do I think? I think that evaluating your parenting or anyone else's on the basis of a child's behavior at any given moment is folly. If you think your kid's behavior in this situation is a sign of good parenting, will you automatically assume that you are a bad parent if and when they act up?

Also, I would hesitate to assume that shooing the kids from the room was the end of it. Perhaps your friend didn't want to ruin the evening and preferred to discipline his children in private after you left.

[Childfree35]

[quote=lucygirl951;15305485]

Maybe some of you are responding to the op based on what he's written on other threads? I ask because I honestly don't see anything the least bit offensive or boastful about his posts here.[/

I don't either Lucy.

He's a dad happy he's not raising those brats.

We are out every day running errands, supermaket, whatever. The kid in the shopping cart sreaming at the top of his/her lungs. We always see those brats with their parents and say, "wow, I'm happy she/he isn't mine". "He/she needs a pop on the hand". Something, but you're happy that kid isn't yours.

I'm sure you guys don't judge. You look at the situation and say, "wow she needs a nap". Poor thing.

Right!!!!


Stop it, people!!

[alise007]

I noticed how differently my kids behaved this weekend at a birthday party with relatives. The bday girl throws her new toys and treats them like junk. Parents barely say anything. When we were leaving she threw a toy and barely missed the glass on the TV. Mother just said "1" and that was it. They do the 1-2-3 method and then I guess they punish?? Did we say anything? NO! Do I talk to my girlfriends about the behavior YES. We talk about our friends or relatives that have kids that the parents rarely/never discipline and the kids run around like raving lunatics. I am still friends with the other parents but have found that it is hard to spend time with them because the kids behavior is so disruptive.

I try to be consistent with my kids--whether I have guests or relatives over or if we are out in public. I have given a time out in Toys R Us. Kids have enough problems these days figuring what to do/when. They need to understand actions have consequences. My IL's were visiting the other wknd and the kids got all hyped up and acting crazy/yelling making a mess...MIL was like "Oh it's ok..." My thinking is that we don't behave like that normally so why should I let them act crazy just because grandmother is there??

I find that consistency makes things run a lot smoother and we have a lot a fun instead of fighting! The kids know what to expect. They still try to push our buttons and as siblings they fight over toys etc...but the squabbles are short lived. When kids are young you can't wait for someone to leave your home to then discipline them for something they did several hours ago. If you do nothing they will continue to push your buttons all the other times you have guests because you showed them it was OK!

[10,000Lakes]

The way your post comes off is that you are saying this happened there wow can you believe it. You were guests at their house and if his kids bother you so much I suggest you don't go back.

[Dorthy]

The op's first post comes of as judgemental. The op was just visiting a friend and judged that friend's parenting based on one small event that they witnessed. That is what is rubbing people the wrong way. I highly doubt that anyone of us is so perfect in our parenting that we always do everything right 100% of the time. Maybe the friend just wanted to enjoy the op's company and was being a little lax in that moment or maybe that's how they parent all the time. Who cares.

[kel6604]

Honestly, doesn't sound that bad to me. I think most kids (and parents) have days like that. Sometimes it's better to just walk away, because when attitudes like that hit sometimes you want to wring their little necks