Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Are you a creative person? I ask this because I am very creative and have friends that are. We are all parents and have very vivid imaginations. When my son was little I would think about things that might happen. I could visualize it clearly and get worried. So you have to think about the reality. Are you a safe driver? Do you have a good car seat or does your child wear his seat belt? Is your home safe? Do you feel insecure on your parenting skills?
Look at the situation and how you are in control. No parent is perfect but the chances of hurting your child are slim. Believe in your abilities. I once had a dream someone molested my son. It so vivid that I woke up in a sweat and on the verge of tears. I thought about it for days. Why did I dream this? Is this some sort of warning? I finally told myself it was just a dream and to let it go. Every parent worries, the key is not making yourself worry into a panic.
While every good mother has fears for her child, yours have passed the level of what is normal and you are experiencing some kind of anxiety disorder. I highly recommend you get some counseling from a professional specializing in anxiety ASAP. Best of luck.
It's definitely anxiety, but it might not be an anxiety disorder. It might be anxiety that accompanies depression.
Those normal fears every mother has for her children always increased whenever I have been depressed.
Either way, she definitely needs to see a mental health professional ASAP.
Almost every night after putting my son to bed I get this awful feeling how it would be if I lost him. I see a scenario in my head that he would die in a car accident that I was responsible for. Or that something else horrible would happen. I could never continue on living if I lost him and I am scared to death about it. Why do I think like this. I can't stop it.
This happened to me when my daughter was around eight years old. I used to tuck my daughter in at night and I would think about her getting run over by a bus, head smashed into the pavement, blood, brains, the whole scene. Thoughts like this had come off and on all my life, but this was the very worst and I couldn't make it stop. They are called intrusive thoughts, and it is anxiety-related and sometimes is a feature of OCD.
The book included situations like the thoughts I was having, and there was a self-test included to determine your level of anxiety. My results said to seek professional help.
Now I know this is going to sound either ridiculous or just something you don't want to hear, but the unconscious you does not have a right-or-wrong filter. Somewhere, somehow, and not at all in proportion to the horrible scenes you are imagining, there is something that you feel your son is preventing you from or holding you back from, so you are "killing" him. This is extremely oversimplified, of course. In my case, I was going through a divorce, and my daughter was the only reason I had to maintain any further connection to this person I feared and hated. Of course I was willing to have to deal with whatever I had to deal with for her sake, but some kind of resentment on some level was coming out in these bizarre thoughts. I did see a therapist, and he didn't tell me what I just told you--I was able to figure it out myself once I allowed myself to be honest with my feelings instead of trying to pretend I could just handle it all just fine.
So, I'm with the others who say to go talk to somebody. There might be something missing in your life that in no way contradicts your ability as a good mother for wanting it. A therapist just acts as a sort of mirror for you to bounce yourself off of and may give suggestions to you as to setting goals, etc.
Here's a page from the OC Foundation's website dealing with instrusive thoughts. The site is a good one, so I suggest you check out other pages as well. Good luck. You're not alone.
Are you a creative person? I ask this because I am very creative and have friends that are. We are all parents and have very vivid imaginations. When my son was little I would think about things that might happen. I could visualize it clearly and get worried. So you have to think about the reality. Are you a safe driver? Do you have a good car seat or does your child wear his seat belt? Is your home safe? Do you feel insecure on your parenting skills?
Look at the situation and how you are in control. No parent is perfect but the chances of hurting your child are slim. Believe in your abilities. I once had a dream someone molested my son. It so vivid that I woke up in a sweat and on the verge of tears. I thought about it for days. Why did I dream this? Is this some sort of warning? I finally told myself it was just a dream and to let it go. Every parent worries, the key is not making yourself worry into a panic.
OP, fallingwater is on to something. Often OCD-type people are also creative people, and creativity helps. Take 15 minutes and write down your thought. Or just write anything that comes to mind. It helps.
I think that these thoughts are more common that most moms would admit.
I've been having a similar problem since my third child was born earlier this year. I've never been an over-protective parent with my two oldest daughters (ages 11 and 8) but I'm afraid something will happen to the baby.
I haven't been able to go back to work full time because I have thoughts about something happening to her in daycare. I'll imagine that the daycare teachers will forget to feed her or will leave her alone in her crib all day. These thoughts are totally irrational because the daycare I would use is licensed and has additional accreditations and parents who have used it give it great reviews.
I also check her several times at night to make sure she's still breathing.
I've been trying to analyze myself and all I can come up with is that perhaps I'm more protective this time because she will definately be my last child. There's no chance medically that I can have another and that makes her especially precious to me.
Almost every night after putting my son to bed I get this awful feeling how it would be if I lost him. I see a scenario in my head that he would die in a car accident that I was responsible for. Or that something else horrible would happen. I could never continue on living if I lost him and I am scared to death about it. Why do I think like this. I can't stop it.
i'm kind of like that but with my niece. i get kind of paranoid when we go to the mall or something and i start thinkin what if she gets lost.. or what if she runs in the street and a truck hits her. try to block it out. its gotten better for me lately
I'm a father, not a mother, and I'm in my 60's. My child is now an adult living independently. You never stop loving them and never really stop worrying about them. No one is immune from a car crash, disease, crime, etc. Of course I worry, and I don't think I need years of therapy for deep seated anxiety just because I'm still concerned about my kid. I think you're normal.
I also think the timing is interesting because he's the most innocent, in a way, after you put him to bed and he's asleep - but you're up awake, alone and anxious, maybe more like insomnia? It was a long time ago, but I still remember bringing that baby home from the hospital and thinking omg what an awesome responsibility to keep the innocent little being alive. That sense of concern doesn't disappear into nowhere when they get bigger. Maybe you would get more benefit faster from a short course in meditation or relaxation breathing techniques that are helpful for mild anxiety, or dealing with insomnia, therapy can be a long haul.
Last edited by teachertype; 09-04-2010 at 11:59 PM..
It only really becomes a problem when it starts interfering with your life, but you don't want to wait until it's at that point before you get help. I'd go and meet with your primary care physician or even your ob-gyne to discuss it - it's still possible that your hormones are out of whack if nothing else. If they feel you need to get further help then consider it.
I have gone through brief stages of this when I was pregnant, and I'm going through it a lot right now as my son is having neurosurgery on Thursday. But I can link these episodes to stressful situations or hormones. If I was still feeling this way on an everyday basis I'd be concerned.
I used to get the same thoughts... it's called a panic attack if your physical reaction mimics those you would experience if it were reality happening in front of you. For example, if your visuals of a car crash and your gravely injured child are accompanied by sweats, heavy rapid breathing, fist clenching, and/or a racing/pounding heart... then it is a full out panic attack and definitely something that will require not just therapy, but also medication, like Zoloft. Even if you don't have significant physiological symptoms, but you are experiencing this visualization frequently and it is causing stress or insomnia, then you need to get help asap.
You will be amazed at how your outlook changes once your brain chemistry is balanced again!
Medication for anxiety or depression is exactly the same as medication for diabetes.... you are supplementing/suppressing chemicals your body is producing in excess or not producing enough... no stigma is attached to taking insulin for a diabetic... so there is no reason to put off getting your physical chemical imbalance of dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins corrected.
You may be experiencing a change in this balance due to childbirth or some traumatic event. It could be you will only need external regulation for a while, or the rest of your life... but it is always better to regulate this delicate chemical balance in your brain than to leave it to wreck your life, even endanger it.
PLEASE see a psychiatrist, not a psychologist... only a psychiatrist can give you a prescription, and you can always have therapy on the side, too.
Good luck!
I'm very much aware of these terrible "what if" thoughts after I see the news or read the paper. There is way too much sensationalism in the news today but that is what sells.
I try to limit what I read and hear but that is very difficult cause I'm a real news junkie.
Frankly I would worry about somebody who didn't worry about the dangers in this world. I think being aware of possibilities is a way of helping us keep our children safe.
Also in therapy years ago I learned that we let ourselves go to dark places in our minds as a kind of "rehearsal" for how we would cope if that really did happen. Kinda preparing ourselves for the strength it would take to handle it. testing ourselves....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
