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I know a 7 year old who has a friend who seems to control her at school.
B (friend, a girl) prevents A (the girl) from playing with anybody else. Once B found A playing with C (another girl) at recess and told A that if B finds A playing with C again B will never play again with A and go back to playing with D. So I said that's mean of B to say that and A should be able to play with anybody she wants. But A replied, 'no no no, I can just play with B.'
At another time, B told A to undo her ponytail because, according to A, A looks too beautiful and B doesn't have a ponytail and feels jealous.
And then A cries about getting late to school not for its own sake but because B will say something negative to her (something to the effect of not being able to sit with her and talk with her on the bus I guess?)
The mom enrolled A in girl scout and then B told A not to go to girl scout so A cried. B told A's mom 'I don't want A to go to girl's scout (because B wants to talk to A in the bus)' in a tone of voice that suggests *she* decides what A does or doesn't.
And once A didn't turn in the homework because B told A that it wasn't due yet. Then A was scolded by mom for listening to B rather than A. Mom said she should report B to the teachers but A said B will get mad at her and not play with her anymore.
I think it's better to lose such a bossy friend and then get many other friends instead of just one who doesn't let her play with other kids.
Should the mom tell A to not to play with B anymore and just play with other children?
Telling A not to play with B will probably not have the desired effect although I agree that it would be a better idea. What does A see in B that makes her want to be with her? That is the root of the problem, I think.
It is important to let her know that she doesn't have to be friends with everyone, especially people who don't treat her well. B may actually be jealous of A. That may be why she wants to monopolize her. I would encourage activities for A where B is not involved. Girl Scouts may be the perfect opportunity for A to make some new friends outside of the school contact.
Mom should talk to the teachers about the situation and perhaps get a school councilor involved as well. The teacher and councilor may not intervene, but they may have some ideas and they may be able to separate the girls in terms of working groups in school so that A makes some other friends.
Should the mom tell A to not to play with B anymore and just play with other children?
What do you honestly think is going to get accomplished by doing this? Do think the mom is going to have a light bulb moment and go, "oh my gosh, I never thought of that!".
I'm sure the mom realizes there is a problem. Inserting advice unless asked, probably not a good idea.
Sad situation for the little girl...I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old, and boy do I know how cruel kids can be!!!! It's heartbreaking when our children have a difficult time at school and have to deal with such nonsense. However, it sounds like the little girl just needs to realize (be taught/shown) how a true friend behaves...this little girl (whatever her letter is) is bossy and well, she's 7. Obviously she's succeeding in getting the other girl to do what she wants so she's going to keep doing it....remember, she's 7. When people stop responding to her demands and behvavior, she'll stop or she'll move on to someone else....someone else that may deck her!
In any case, this little girl that feels victimized needs support, and needs to be shown a strong backbone...it's not always easy or popular to do, but if it's hindering her school work, then something needs to be done.
We can't change others but we can change or alter our behavior to change the outcome of a situation.
I know a 7 year old who has a friend who seems to control her at school.
B (friend, a girl) prevents A (the girl) from playing with anybody else. Once B found A playing with C (another girl) at recess and told A that if B finds A playing with C again B will never play again with A and go back to playing with D. So I said that's mean of B to say that and A should be able to play with anybody she wants. But A replied, 'no no no, I can just play with B.'
At another time, B told A to undo her ponytail because, according to A, A looks too beautiful and B doesn't have a ponytail and feels jealous.
And then A cries about getting late to school not for its own sake but because B will say something negative to her (something to the effect of not being able to sit with her and talk with her on the bus I guess?)
The mom enrolled A in girl scout and then B told A not to go to girl scout so A cried. B told A's mom 'I don't want A to go to girl's scout (because B wants to talk to A in the bus)' in a tone of voice that suggests *she* decides what A does or doesn't.
And once A didn't turn in the homework because B told A that it wasn't due yet. Then A was scolded by mom for listening to B rather than A. Mom said she should report B to the teachers but A said B will get mad at her and not play with her anymore.
I think it's better to lose such a bossy friend and then get many other friends instead of just one who doesn't let her play with other kids.
Should the mom tell A to not to play with B anymore and just play with other children?
I'm guessing that E (A's mom), hasn't raised any girls yet. E will soon learn that A will be friends with B, but not with C today, but will be friends with D next week and will shun B, until she decides to be friends with C. Next week, A will pal around with F and G, but only until H tell her she doesn't like F, when A will then promptly snub G, start playing with I, J and K. L, M and N will tell A that she shouldn't be friends with I, J, and K, but to join M, N and O because they will be best friends.
Then, P, Q, R, S and T will "steal" M from the group, and N and O will no longer talk to A, and A will not associate with U, V, W, X or Y because they are not popular.
Then A will become best friends with Z, and will remain so for a long time until Z steals A's boyfriend.
Congratulations! You have a girl. It is called NORMAL. This is what girls do to start establishing who is the "higher ranking" in the school social status. Let the girls figure it out on their own- if your daughter truly wants your help/advice on how to handle it, she will come to you
Congratulations! You have a girl. It is called NORMAL. This is what girls do to start establishing who is the "higher ranking" in the school social status. Let the girls figure it out on their own- if your daughter truly wants your help/advice on how to handle it, she will come to you
Exactly!
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