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I actually did speak with the teacher, and after discussing it for about 15 minutes, she told me that it is NOT my son. She flat out told me it is not my son's fault. She also told me my boy is getting along fine with all the other kids.
For all I know, the other boy has Aspberger's (sp?) or something. From what the teacher said I belive there is *something* with the other boy but of course she could not tell me what.
We discussed what I am telling my son and what she is telling my son so that we are on the same page, strategy wise, for dealing with the other kid.
We chose a small school on purpose, so our kids would get a lot of individual attention, but sometimes I wish it were a big school so there would be more kids to choose to be friends with.
Is it a Montessori school? Just wondering. It sounds to me like these kids are getting too much adult attention...too many adults over-analyzing the situation.
How do you handle the problem? Simple. Tell your son that the other boy does not like being teased and to knock it off. No talking smack in karate. Nothing. The kids don't all have to be friends with each other, and it seems that your son finds this other kid pretty annoying anyway. It's clear that you find the kid annoying. Some kids are annoying. Some adults are annoying. It sounds like it's time for a lesson in basic manners. Teach your son to be cordial as a way of dealing with people he doesn't really like. It's a skill that will serve him well.
And you should stop talking to the other parents, teachers, etc. about a tiny little personality difference between two little boys. It sounds to me like this is a *problem* that has been examined and discussed a little too much now. Is there a Hands On Volunteer network in your community? That might be another way to spend your time.
I actually did speak with the teacher, and after discussing it for about 15 minutes, she told me that it is NOT my son. She flat out told me it is not my son's fault. She also told me my boy is getting along fine with all the other kids.
For all I know, the other boy has Aspberger's (sp?) or something. From what the teacher said I belive there is *something* with the other boy but of course she could not tell me what.
We discussed what I am telling my son and what she is telling my son so that we are on the same page, strategy wise, for dealing with the other kid.
We chose a small school on purpose, so our kids would get a lot of individual attention, but sometimes I wish it were a big school so there would be more kids to choose to be friends with.
Sounds like this is resolved unless another issue pops up. Realistically there is nothing more you can do. This issue concerned you and you chose to investigate it. If your son asks you about this other boy refrain from saying you think something is wrong with him. I have always had a soft spot for the kids that have a hard time fitting in. Stand back as see if the kids resolve it themselves. More than likely they will.
I think you said the right thing to the kid and should let them work it out from here on out. Give your kid a lesson along the lines of "some people are more sensitive to others." If your son simply said he was going to beat him at the task, that is completely normal, not mean. Let it go.
Hi All,
I am really stumped on this one and would appreciate any advice.
Background: My son is in 2nd grade at a small private school. He is new there this year. We like the school fine in terms of academics, etc. His work and attitude are improving. He happens to be exceptionally gifted but has motor skill delays.
Anyway, my issue is around one of his "friends" at school. This other boy is one year older (9) but in the same grade. EVERY time I see this other kid, the first thing out his mouth is "[John] was mean to me...John did this, John did that, etc." Very whiny. Today I sat in on the end of karate session and the whole time this other boy was telling all who would listen that John was mean, John was mean, John was mean. At the time, my son and this other boy were not even interacting.
Now, my son is 7, almost 8, and like any kid, he is not always nice and kind and thoughtful and polite. But he is not mean. We have never had any issues like this before; he has always had plenty of friends. When I asked my son what he said to the other boy, my son said that during a drill in karate, he said "I'm gonna beat 'ya" (at the task). Kinda like a na-na-na-boo-boo type of thing. (Talking smack, I guess you could say).
My son says that this other boy is constantly telling him "you're mean and I won't be your friend anymore" and that he is constantly threatening to tell on my son, etc. I have told my son that if he is doing what he is supposed to be doing then he doesn't need to worry about being tattled on.
Today, when this boy came up to me with the "your son is so mean" comment, I said to the effect of: look kids, either be friends and decide to get along or just don't be friends anymore, but I am tired of hearing about all of this.
The other boy responded with "well, I am just very sensitive and I don't take well to being teased".
I fear talking to the other mother is already a no-go, because she just goes on about how much more mature her son is, etc.
I really am stumped. I think this other kid is whiny and baby-ish but I can't really tell my son that. There are only 14 kids in the whole class, so although there are some options for other friends, it's kinda limited.
You need to sit down with both of the boys and find out what, exactly is happening when the other boy thinks that John is being "mean". If the behavior is unreasonable, then you should make the necessary corrections, if it is not unreasonable, then you can tell Mr. Whiny Bottom that John is NOT MEAN and if you hear him say that he is 'ONE MORE TIME" you are going to do something terrible. (i.e. tell his mother, shoot him, etc.)
That way everybody is on the same page about what is happening.
Why is it okay to call one kid "whiny" but it's not okay to call the OP's son "mean?" It seems that aggressive is a more acceptable behavior for boys than sensitivity. Perhaps that attitude is part of the problem.
Why is it okay to call one kid "whiny" but it's not okay to call the OP's son "mean?" It seems that aggressive is a more acceptable behavior for boys than sensitivity. Perhaps that attitude is part of the problem.
I said that only because there is no corroborating evidence. If other boys would have called John mean also, then I would be less inclined to think that the complaining boy was just being whiny. But since his is the lone voice in the wilderness, I am inclined to think that he is OVERREACTING.
And yes, to me (JMHO), being aggressive is a more acceptable behavior for boys than being sensitive. YMMV
Why is it okay to call one kid "whiny" but it's not okay to call the OP's son "mean?" It seems that aggressive is a more acceptable behavior for boys than sensitivity. Perhaps that attitude is part of the problem.
Partly because my son is NOT mean.
Did you even read my post where the teacher said it is NOT my son's fault?
As for your other comments regarding how I spend my time with my son and volunteering elsewhere instead....
The very best way I can spend my time is to be involved in my children's lives, especially if there is a problem they cannot handle on their own.
To take away from them and give it somewhere else would be shameful on my part.
Did you even read my post where the teacher said it is NOT my son's fault?
As for your other comments regarding how I spend my time with my son and volunteering elsewhere instead....
The very best way I can spend my time is to be involved in my children's lives, especially if there is a problem they cannot handle on their own.
To take away from them and give it somewhere else would be shameful on my part.
Actually, it wouldn't be shameful at all. It would show your children that there are far more important and meaningful things in life than a little personality conflict.
First of all, you WRONGLY assume that I do not volunteer any of my time.
Secondly, you WRONGLY assume that I do not teach my children about helping others less fortunate.
Thirdly, you WRONGLY assume that I am not trying to teach my son how to handle "a little personality conflict".
I have been doing everything I can think of for the past 3 months to help him be kind, walk away, respond appropriately, etc.
The problem is with the other kid being in my child's face ALL the time.
If you don't get all of that, perhaps you could stop with your misinformed comments.
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If your son asks you about this other boy refrain from saying you think something is wrong with him. I have always had a soft spot for the kids that have a hard time fitting in. Stand back as see if the kids resolve it themselves. More than likely they will.
