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I can't legally get "married," although I've gone through the whole ceremony with family and friends, and have been with the same person for around 8 years. I refer to my partner as my husband (so does everyone else) but statistically we both count as unmarried.
I have a couple of married friends but the majority of my friends either have no interest in marrying or have an interest but haven't met the right person or don't feel financially secure. They range in age from about 22-34.
Most people I meet nowadays just don't want to give up their 'freedom'. We have so many more opportunities than we ever did before, and the feeling is that tying ourselves down to someone may limit those chances.
I understand the reasoning behind the thought, I just don't agree with it. My husband and I have had an amazing time living and working around the world, travelling to great places with our kids and reaching career goals we only thought were dreams. I can't imagine any of it being so fun on my own.
Sure I took a big risk that something better wouldn't come along when I married him at 24 but it paid off.
Most people I meet nowadays just don't want to give up their 'freedom'. We have so many more opportunities than we ever did before, and the feeling is that tying ourselves down to someone may limit those chances.
I understand the reasoning behind the thought, I just don't agree with it. My husband and I have had an amazing time living and working around the world, travelling to great places with our kids and reaching career goals we only thought were dreams. I can't imagine any of it being so fun on my own.
Sure I took a big risk that something better wouldn't come along when I married him at 24 but it paid off.
But what if your husband didn't enjoy traveling? What if he turned into a homebody and didn't want to leave? I think that's one of my biggest issues with marrying and 'settling down'... I have my own goals in life and I made them while single because I don't expect to find anyone to marry. So far I've only found one guy that stayed with me longer than the first couple of dates and our lives have changed so immensely that we ended up breaking up. Once they see my surgery scars and learn about my medical problems most of them disappear .
So, I suppose everyone's reasons are different. One of my friends doesn't want to get married until she finishes medical school, one doesn't want to get married until she hits the 10 year mark and another won't get married because he's simply not sure she's 'the one'. Reasons are as varied as the individuals involved.
I think the biggest reason is that so many kids had parents whose marriages failed so miserably that this negatively impacted how they feel about the institution itself.
Which is unfortunate. Marriage can be and should be beautiful.
I think the first reason is that it's now socially acceptable to not marry by choice... women are not classified as "old maids" if they're not married by 25 or whatever.
The second reason is that so many young people are jaded about marriage after seeing their own parents, and those of their friends, go through divorces. A teen who is close to me, whose own parents are divorced, told me yesterday that my own marriage gives her hope that maybe one day she will have a successful marriage. She said that she really does not have anyone else in her life to model a healthy and happy marriage. That makes me so sad. Not because I think everyone needs to be married, but because I think her thoughts and experiences are very common among teens/young 20-somethings.
The fact that a significant percentage of marriages fail is no argument for "living together" instead. IMO, it would be an argument for trying to strengthen the legal process, so that when divorce does occur, the parties are more likely to get the benefits to which they are entitled.
I do not particularly care what two single people who are adults of either gender choose to do. The real argument for marriage is when children are involved. Children need and deserve stability. Stability for children is not furthered when one adult in a relationship can simply pick up and leave without any consequences. Financial security for children is not increased when a biological father must be sued to establish paternity to try and force him to pay child support. This is not necessary in a divorce situation because children born during a marriage are presumed to have that father. Fathers of children born out of wedlock statistically pay less child support and exercise visitation rights on a much less frequent basis. Poverty among children is greatest among those who live in single parent households.
Its interesting that so much is made of divorce. I suspect the percentage of couples who marry and stay together over a lifetime is much higher than the percentages of couples who move in together. Why? Because marriage implies a committment of sorts by the couple entering into it. This committment is bolstered by a legal system that confers specific rights and benefits upon couples who make the committment. Divorce may occur, but when it does the court structures a formal relationship with custodial and non-custodial parents that preserves a family unit for children.
Yes, marriage as an institution has some problems, but its still better for children than just living together is.
I think the biggest reason is that so many kids had parents whose marriages failed so miserably that this negatively impacted how they feel about the institution itself.
Which is unfortunate. Marriage can be and should be beautiful.
Several people have said this; I'll just quote one. Actually, the 20somethings of today generally have Boomer parents, who for the most part have stayed together. As someone said previously, divorce rates have gone down for the past 25 years. I think it's the slightly older YAs whose parents got divorced "finding" themselves.
Being the parent of 20somethings, I will say that most of them don't feel the intense pressure to get married these days. A couple can buy a house or a car w/o getting married. One can be on the other's insurance most places w/o being married. Certainly one can have a cell phone plan together w/o marriage. My kids' friends are slowly getting married, as they get into their later 20s.
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