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I think with only children, this kind of parenting style isn't so uncommon, it seems to me that only children often grow up so surrounded by adults that they relate well with adults. These children have much one-on-one time with adults.
When there are many children, it's not as common to parent this way. The children often will be more rowdy, back each other up. Often parents start out with the oldest in this style, and depending on how big the age gap is between the oldest and the next, the oldest can have similar traits with only children, but as the others come along, the family dynamics change.
My parents raised us 5 kids with the same parenting style as the OP it worked wonders. We all stand up for ourselves, know how to take responsibility and so much more.
My parents raised us 5 kids with the same parenting style as the OP it worked wonders. We all stand up for ourselves, know how to take responsibility and so much more.
They were lucky. Most kids need some kind of rules. Curfews for example, it's generally not a good idea to allow kids to do whatever they please for example if they want to stay out until 3 am on school nights.
Many parents adjust their parenting style for the kids they get. Some kids need rules and discipline of some kind, they need to know when they crossed the line.
My parents raised 7 kids but we had rules and discipline. We knew what time we were expected to be home - at least in the yard, we were not allowed to hurt each other but we could wrestle, no punching, no hitting, biting, scratching. We could tease but cussing was out - no "b" words, no "f" words" - no verbal abuse. We were expected to write thank you notes when given gifts by relatives. No cruelty to animals was allowed.
We all turned out okay with our rules and discipline.
I will be honest, I could not parent that way. But I do not condem or criticise you for parenting that way. If that is what works for you.
However what I would have a strong opinion on was if you were roudy in a restraunt or you had a tantrum in a shop or as teen were vandalising or stealing.
By this I mean, if you are a "nice" kid or a "good" kid then obviously the parenting style is fine. Not may way buy obviously a way that produces good results.
Right, and of course I couldn't have just "gotten away with" screaming in restaurants and stealing things. I didn't do those things, but if I had, my parents still wouldn't have grounded me or something. They would have had long talks with me, especially as a teenager, about why I was stealing or whatever I was doing. If necessary, they probably would have brought me to talk to a police officer or whoever about the "real-world" consequences of crime. If I had been doing drugs, they probably would have taken me to talk to recovering drug addicts or parents who lost their kids to drugs. They weren't afraid to really drive their points home. But, again, you're right, I was a very "good" kid and didn't do dangerous things.
Right, and of course I couldn't have just "gotten away with" screaming in restaurants and stealing things. I didn't do those things, but if I had, my parents still wouldn't have grounded me or something. They would have had long talks with me, especially as a teenager, about why I was stealing or whatever I was doing. If necessary, they probably would have brought me to talk to a police officer or whoever about the "real-world" consequences of crime. If I had been doing drugs, they probably would have taken me to talk to recovering drug addicts or parents who lost their kids to drugs. They weren't afraid to really drive their points home. But, again, you're right, I was a very "good" kid and didn't do dangerous things.
Even though your parents never punished, they still taught you manners. You didn't learn how to behave in a restaurant simply due to being an easy child by nature or a "good" kid. They taught you the expecations of society.
All of those long lectures your parents gave you were essentially establishing rules and expectations for you to follow. As a result, I think it's a little naive to say that you were raised with no rules. The fact they logically convinced you to follow the rules is sort of irrelevant.
When I was growing up, my parents never spanked us and rarely punished us. We had to indure long talks. Let me tell, we considered that worse than punishment. I rememeber sometimes sitting there wishing they would just spank me because then it would be over. The long talks seemed like torture.
I personally believe that there an unlimited number of parenting styles since most parents have a combination and not only one style. But if we would use one, I'll say that you parents fall into the Authoritative style. Base on what you say your parents were warm, nurturing, accepting, encouraged independence with limits and there was lots of verbal exchanges. These are all characteristics of Authoritative parents (not authoritarian). But what is really important is that your parents tried to cover most of the factors that influences the development of a child at home which are nutrition, opportunities to learn and the amount of affection and security.
Even though your parents never punished, they still taught you manners. You didn't learn how to behave in a restaurant simply due to being an easy child by nature or a "good" kid. They taught you the expecations of society.
All of those long lectures your parents gave you were essentially establishing rules and expectations for you to follow. As a result, I think it's a little naive to say that you were raised with no rules. The fact they logically convinced you to follow the rules is sort of irrelevant.
When I was growing up, my parents never spanked us and rarely punished us. We had to indure long talks. Let me tell, we considered that worse than punishment. I rememeber sometimes sitting there wishing they would just spank me because then it would be over. The long talks seemed like torture.
Yes, of course they taught me the expectations of society. That was basically the overall "theme" of their philosophy. Any consequences that I suffered would be natural and not fabricated by them, and they explained enough to me that I mostly avoided them (except for the occasional knee scrape because I did not heed warnings to tie shoelaces ).
But just to make sure I didn't give a misconception, there weren't lots of long lectures. I was just saying that if I had done something really destructive, such as stealing or drugs, they would have talked extensively to me about what I'd done. Most long conversations we had were not in "lecture" form; we both talked about what we thought, and I enjoyed these conversations.
You bring up a lot of great points in your replies, though. It's true that there were "rules" in my life, as there are now, because obviously society has guidelines by which it exists. I was just not made aware from a young age of pressures to follow them.
The question, of course, is.... was she a good kid by nature or did her parents help her become a *good kid* by their parenting method.
ImNsho, parenting this way is much more likely to produce children who are *good* than parenting using harsh discipline is.
It's hard to say - parents often adapt their style to the particular child - and in families there can be a mild natured sweet child and then the hellion. One child might never sass, the other is born sassy. One child can be homebody that wants to be home by 9 pm but the other will push whatever limits are given.
I think good parents do tend to discuss the "whys" of their rules. You don't just demand a child come home by a certain time without telling them reasons - but when it comes down to it, most parents I think set rules, they won't allow a 10 year old to be still out at 3 am or with people they don't know.
I know I have firm rules because for example I want my kids home by a certain time until they reach a certain age and I have to know where they are - I will explain to them why they shouldn't be out all night doing whatever but when it comes down to it - it's a rule that I know where they are and that's that, they don't have the final opinion on that issue.
Other things I'm quite lax about - as long as they're home - which includes outside the house and on the property, when they go to bed is up to them. And I don't demand everyone sits at the dinner table if they don't want. But behaving in a restaurant is non-negotiable, they can't just get up and run around and play because they feel like it in public.
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They taught you the expecations of society. 
