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Gosh, you really have a hard time comprehending what people are saying, don't you?
Anybody else see this?
No, I just disagree that an adult child should be under the same rules as a minor child. I disagree that the most important contribution to a home is financial. I disagree that the person who is financially in charge gets to call the shots for the other adult(s) in the household.
I'm wondering if some posters have personal issues with this, maybe they had a very strict upbringing, or something and fear parental "control" so strongly that it's hard to see the issue of legal adults acting like children being unacceptable, or a persons right to determine what is acceptable for those living in his/her household and their right to ask them to leave if they will not abide by the rules of the house.
Well "some" posters don't have personal issues with this. "Some" posters believe that "some" parents need to cut the apron strings a bit when their child is an adult. "Some" posters believe that an adult child can still live at home and have their own lives without having to be controlled by their parents.
I said I was wondering, I'm not psychoanalyzing any individual here, I'm just throwing around ideas which is what we do here. Sometimes people have issues that keeps them from seeing things clearly, thats all. I think it's a good idea to look at myself and think about why I am answering the way I do, rather than just going with my knee jerk reaction to something, we can learn more from each other if we are willing to look inside and make every attempt to think very clearly about the issues.
Perhaps it's you and others that have issues that prevent you from seeing the issue clearly. It seems to me that people have a HUGE hang up when it comes to 18 year olds living at home. They feel they should contribute (financially of course!!!) to the household but then say that the adult child must still be under the parents' control.
Sorry, I disagree.
Sleeping over means that there is intimacy in some form.
He is taking risks that will impact his future.
Living at home means that he has less worries as far as rent and utilities to allow him to get on a better footing for the future. He is jeopardizing his future by having an intimate relationship with a girl who has uninvolved parents who do not want the best for her. Maybe they are trying to find a way to have her out of the house? Something to think about.
The OP owes no responsibility in this situation to the son.
IMO
Well "some" posters don't have personal issues with this. "Some" posters believe that "some" parents need to cut the apron strings a bit when their child is an adult. "Some" posters believe that an adult child can still live at home and have their own lives without having to be controlled by their parents.
Aren't you the same one who said they will still cook all the meals and do the laundry for adult children living at home? For free? While they find themselves?
No, I just disagree that an adult child should be under the same rules as a minor child. I disagree that the most important contribution to a home is financial. I disagree that the person who is financially in charge gets to call the shots for the other adult(s) in the household.
I see it this way as well. Depending on the child, they become ready to be fully responsible at varying ages - 18 doesn't magically confer maturity and responsibility. I'm seeing it as a transition time - allow your child to make their own choices, while they still have your support; they are trying on their grown-up selves.
You cannot force your child to live by *your* values. You can enforce rules in your own home, but it's silly to attempt to control your son's choices outside your house. This is true at any age, but especially now, when he is trying on being a grown-up, sussing out what his values are, how he's going to live them, etc. Controlling him will possibly make him choose opposite of what you want him to, simply because he'll want to show you, you can't control him. Acceptance of his choices - not agreement, if it goes against your own values, but acceptance, as in: accepting reality - will help him be more in touch with what he really wants; he won't be reacting against your coercion.
Sorry, I disagree.
Sleeping over means that there is intimacy in some form.
He is taking risks that will impact his future.
Living at home means that he has less worries as far as rent and utilities to allow him to get on a better footing for the future. He is jeopardizing his future by having an intimate relationship with a girl who has uninvolved parents who do not want the best for her. Maybe they are trying to find a way to have her out of the house? Something to think about.
The OP owes no responsibility in this situation to the son.
IMO
Well, I guess that is the domain of young adults isn't it? To make their own decisions no matter what their parents may think.
Responsibility to the son? No absolutely not. Wherewithal to realize that his son is an adult and has the right to make his own decisions when it comes to who he spends time with? Absolutely.
Aren't you the same one who said they will still cook all the meals and do the laundry for adult children living at home? For free? While they find themselves?
While they worked or attended a postsecondary institution? Yes. Let's stick with what we actually have said, shall we? Makes things so much more clear.
While they worked or attended a postsecondary institution? Yes. Let's stick with what we actually have said, shall we? Makes things so much more clear.
No, you said college was not for everyone and your adult children were free to live with you for free while they worked.
In other words, they have to have a job, but they don't have to pay anything to have a roof over their head, get meals cooked for them and have their laundry done.
Just so I have this straight. You are all for adults being equal in the house and should have no rules or anything, you are just going to baby them like children and still do everything for them? Got it.
No, you said college was not for everyone and your adult children were free to live with you for free while they worked.
Right. Which is why I said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magritte25
While they worked or attended a postsecondary institution? Yes. Let's stick with what we actually have said, shall we? Makes things so much more clear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts
In other words, they have to have a job, but they don't have to pay anything to have a roof over their head, get meals cooked for them and have their laundry done.
As long as they are saving money and have a plan to move out, I have no issue doing stuff around the house for them. I'd do it for my mother, I'd do it for my sister, and I do it for my husband, why would I not do for them?
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts
Just so I have this straight. You are all for adults being equal in the house and should have no rules or anything, you are just going to baby them like children and still do everything for them? Got it.
Where did I say no rules? Oh that's right! I didn't!!! I said that as long as my kids were WORKING and WERE SAVING they could stay home for a few years to build a nice nest egg up for themselves.
OH THE UNHOLY HORROR OF IT ALL!!! ::faints::
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