Parents of high school seniors...what would YOU do? (punishment, teens, girls)
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My son and his buddies had planned a "Beach Week" celebration the week after graduation. The "beach" is OBX, and it's an hour away. From what I have heard, it's somewhat of a tradition at his school. The kids split the rent on a beach house for a week and have fun and sun and...well, you know. Parteee.
So here was how they pitched it to me. 12 kids, and 2 adults would split the week, to provide some parental "guidance" and generally make sure that the house wasn't being destroyed. The parents would not be charged rent. So, I agreed to split the week with another parent, and pay for my son's share of the rent. That was before I went on some forums and found out that the rental companies do not rent to such groups, and if they find out that there is no one staying at the house that is over 25, they will evict the guests with no refund. So I told the kids this when I found that out, and the idea sort of fizzled.
It turns out that the girl that was helping to plan the thing originally, got her mom to sign a weeks' lease on a house, and that there are NO parents going at all. And apparently her mom is fine with this. So, the other parent that was going to split the week with me, called me and told me this tonight. She told her son that he could not go now, as the plan was not what was originally presented. He of course told her - "but XXXX (my son) is going - if his mom is okay with it, why aren't you??"
So she called me tonight, and filled me in on all this...I had no idea that the thing had even been revived, no one had said a word to me. And at first I said...well he isn't going either. And then I thought about it, and I decided that IF the mom made the rental with the understanding that there would be teens there, and IF there is another adult that would split the week with me (in other words, I want a parent there), then I'm okay with it.
So I get home tonight and tell my son all this, and he is furious with me. He said - Fine mom - don't pay...I have money, I'll pay. I said fine, but I still need another parent to agree to go. He said NO - that there are not going to be ANY parents going...that part had changed. So I told him he wasn't going. He's mad...says that I don't trust him, that why does there have to be a parent there, no one else's parents are like this...blah blah blah...thanks a lot mom. I just won't go. Thanks for ruining Beach Week for me.
Oy vey.
So...I'm curious...I don't understand a parent who would allow their kid to be a part of this with no parental participation...and I'm wondering how other parents feel. And oh yeah...there are guys and girls going - a mixed group. So parents, what would your response be?
1) No go period...even WITH a parent. Too many kids with too much room for disaster.
2) No go. Without a parent on the premises, no way.
3) Kid can go, but he/she pays, with the understanding that at any time, you (the parent) are free to drop in and hang around.
4) No problem. Go and have a great time. Here's some money. See you in a week.
Though I am not a parent, the summer after my graduation my friends and I drove to Canada (3 hours) alone for a little trip. My parents had no problem letting us go and we had a great time.
Are you more concerned with it being co-ed or at the beach in addition to the lack of parents. Aren't the kids 18?
No go. For 2 reasons: one, he lied/omitted important info that there will be no parents - showing lack of judgement/ respect on his part. Two, I find that high school seniors DO mature a good bit between last semester of high school and leaving for college in August- he & you both need to wrestle though a few more of these "bad judgement" scenarios as part of his process of becoming an adult ready to leave the nest.
One night away to a friend's lakehouse or staying up all night with a mixed group after prom is one thing- a whole unsupervised week and the potential for MIP, DWI, etc's is entirely another thing.
Kids go away to college when they finish HS. They get wild and party. This is no different. I'd let him go if he has proven to be a responsible kid thus far.
Well, first of all, I think the parents that signed the lease ought to have their head examined. I would never accept that liability.
Having said that, it is, in many parts of the country, sort of a tradition for seniors to go away for spring break. I never bought into it, I always made sure a parent was along. I realize you are talking about the week after graduation, but it's a similar scenario.
Your son wasn't honest about the arrangements, and that's what would bother me the most. Assuming he is 18, and has the money to go, I'm not sure you can stop him, and I personally wouldn't try. I would however, try to get the word out to the other parents in case they are under the same misconceptions.
These kids are going off to college soon, and there isn't much they can do in one week that they won't have lots of opportunity to do come September.
I would let my kid know I am unhappy about the lying most of all. I hate that. Otherwise, trust him to stay out of trouble and hope for the best.
Though I am not a parent, the summer after my graduation my friends and I drove to Canada (3 hours) alone for a little trip. My parents had no problem letting us go and we had a great time.
Are you more concerned with it being co-ed or at the beach in addition to the lack of parents. Aren't the kids 18?
I am concerned with the mix of girls and guys, but only a little.
A beach house full of teenagers, with several other houses nearby also full of teens, is quite a bit different from a drive with some friends. Mostly, I am concerned about drinking and driving, and damage to the house from partying teenagers. Obviously I am also concerned with it being against the rental companies policies, and getting evicted without a refund. Last year a couple of the groups did get tossed out, after only 2 days.
If they get tossed out there will be a lesson learned. The drinking and driving is terrifying, but it can happen at home or away at college. Hopefully, your son is terrified of it too. What you described happens in college dorms everyday. Drunk guys and girls acting wild. Maybe they won't be that bad.
I am concerned with the mix of girls and guys, but only a little.
A beach house full of teenagers, with several other houses nearby also full of teens, is quite a bit different from a drive with some friends. Mostly, I am concerned about drinking and driving, and damage to the house from partying teenagers. Obviously I am also concerned with it being against the rental companies policies, and getting evicted without a refund. Last year a couple of the groups did get tossed out, after only 2 days.
If you are worried about drinking and driving, then you shouldn't let him go. You need to have confidence in his being mature enough to not get into a car drunk.
As far as the kids getting tossed and losing their money? Tough for them. That would be the least of my concerns.
If they get tossed out there will be a lesson learned. The drinking and driving is terrifying, but it can happen at home or away at college. Hopefully, your son is terrified of it too. What you described happens in college dorms everyday. Drunk guys and girls acting wild. Maybe they won't be that bad.
I agree. But that won't be on MY watch. This, IS my watch.
I should add, that the whole trust issue is sticky for me. In November, I was camping, and had a call at midnight from my ex. He was at MY house, throwing out a bunch of drunk kids. My son was supposed to be with his dad that night, and had lied and said he was going to spend the night at a friends house after going to a birthday party. Long story short...my ex figured out what was going on and entered my house at 12am to one kid throwing up in the toilet, and another in my kitchen. Our son was drunk as well. Up until then, I would have bet you money that my son knew better to 1) drink and 2) lie to me or his dad. If you think I was pissed, you'd be on the right track. I will say, all the kids had made sure that there was to be safe transportation home, from others...no one drank and drove.
But I was livid and devastated. Punishment was no car and grounded for a month. And now, my son thinks I should trust him. I want to...but damn. Yes he will be off to college next fall...but I'd like to think I did my part to make sure he survives long enough to get there.
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The parents would not be charged rent. So, I agreed to split the week with another parent, and pay for my son's share of the rent. That was before I went on some forums and found out that the rental companies do not rent to such groups, and if they find out that there is no one staying at the house that is over 25, they will evict the guests with no refund. So I told the kids this when I found that out, and the idea sort of fizzled.
And then I thought about it, and I decided that IF the mom made the rental with the understanding that there would be teens there, and IF there is another adult that would split the week with me (in other words, I want a parent there), then I'm okay with it.
