How many extra-curricular activities per week? (daycare, baby, game, parents)

[syracusa]

Earlier I started a thread earlier about play-dates per week. I also know that today, many children socialize with one another via organized/extra-curricular activities.

I was wondering what might be considered a normal/healthy number of extra-curricular activities per week for a child of elementary school level?

I am asking these questions because I grew up in a culture where play-dates and extra-curricular activities were virtually non-existent. Children went to school four hours a day, they walked home on their own, did homework, then stepped outside to play with neighborhood children until dusk when a parent would come to retrieve them from the neighborhood, often forcefully - given how much fun children had with one another.

Only very rarely would you hear about a young child doing some kind of organized, extra-curriculum activity like piano, dance or soccer - on a regular basis. Those were very, very rare cases and you could be sure they had an amazing natural talent that BEGGED for placement in such paid-for activities (truly gifted for that particular activity).

Everyone else just ..well.. had a childhood and parents were certainly not there to micro-manage it.

Granted, I have learned my lesson and realized that unless I jump on the bandwagon of play-dates and extra-curriculars, my children are guaranteed to turn out at least slightly freak-ish by the standards of this culture due to lack of opportunity to practice their social skills outside of these two situations.
This is not easy for us as both of us have heavy, professional careers and the last thing we can do is to haul children around all day long so that they can play (something they could have easily done without our assistance, in the neighborhood, had they had the opportunity to meet children outside spontaneously and regularly); alternatively, to engage in whatever kind of extra-curricular activity for which they would only have medium talent at best, or none at all, at worst.

Last Fall, we signed up my son for soccer (right after he turned five) and he was well below "OK" at it. It was just trying to keep up with the coach's instructions - which he couldn't do very successfully anyway - and zero actual opportunity for socialization (which makes sense given that soccer is for kicking a ball into a gate and not for chit-chatting and bonding with other people).

For better or for worse though, EVERYONE in the middle-class and up seems to sign up kids for what I perceive to be a dizzying number of organized activities, regardless of the children's talent for those specific activities.

My opinion of such practices is not relevant here.

What I would need to know is:

How many extra-curriculum activities is your child engaged in per week? What would you consider a healthy number?

Thanks a lot again.

[maciesmom]

Syracusa - I'd have to say it depends on a lot of things. Each child is different in the kinds and amounts of activity they are interested in doing. Plus, your own sanity needs to be kept in mind too.

Some kids are naturally more quiet and introspective and given to more individual activities. Some kids are very active and would be thrilled to have activities filling their day from dawn til dusk. Then there are budgets, time constraints and other things to consider too. I always felt that elementary school aged was a great time to try different things to see what was interesting to them. I don't think that 5 is past the point where you should have already introduced him to soccer. Very few 5 yo are "good" at much - although some might be more interested or focused on it than others. DD played soccer at 5, all girl team no one had ever played before. I think 90% of them (at least) spent most of the game running around, stopping to wave at spectators and occasionally stopping to pick up the barrette that had fallen out of her hair. Practice was a time to learn new skills. The main thing is to find out whether your child is interested. If he didn't care about it, move on to something else next season...DD never was all that interested in sports. We signed her up for soccer (rec center leagues which here at least are not super competitive, they're mainly about having fun) off and on throughout the years. She mainly just ran around trying to look busy while staying as far away from the actual ball as possible. LOL..She did do flute and violin for a few years (through the school, not extracurricular) and once she got to HS we found out she is an exceptional photographer...so she is just more arty than sporty. DS on the other hand would have played 3 sports every season. We knew it was getting too much when he was changing from his baseball uniform into roller hockey equipment in the parking lot of the rec center. At that point we knew it was time to say one sport per season. It was too crazy. He is still sporty and plays sports most of the year. He gets antsy if he's not busy - but that is just him. Both kids tried scouts...DD enjoyed it for a bit but they got to the point where no one was willing to be the scout leader (and I'd already done 3 years); DS pretty much hated scouts.

You just have to pay attention to the types of things your kids are interested in, plus what you are willing/able to do as far as getting them there, helping out, paying for fees/registrations etc. For every family that will be different. The key is allowing your children the opportunity to discover their interests and strengths (whether sports or something else). Those are the things that help build confidence and character - as well as having adequate down time, family time and just hanging with the neighborhood kids time.....

[psr13]

My niece is currently in one activity, softball. She loves it and is great at it. Next year she's going to move up to eight and under, though, and in this league that means being somewhere three or four days a week. She won't have time to do anything else. If she wants to play soccer she may do that next year instead of playing Winter Ball.

[Kibbiekat]

school for only 4 hours/day? My son goes 7 hours/day! I don't think there is a right answer. It depends on the kid and the rest of the family. DS5 isn't in anything right now. He took a 1 hr/week soccer class at the rec center last month. He'll have baseball this summer. DS7 is in tumbling and drum lessons each 1/week. Socializing isn't my reason for having him in those. He's also a cub scout. There are many weeks where we do nothing scout related, and some weeks with 2 or 3 activities. He plays with the neighbor kids on weekends and maybe 1/week after school.

[Momma_bear]

I think a healthy number depends on the child, the level of interest and the family. There is no one right amount. If you, your husband or your children are stressed from the frequency of activities then it is to much for you and you will need to cut back. Your number and mine might not be the same.

I think you need to take the lead from your child and make sure the activities he picks are ones he enjoys. It doesn't matter if he is good at them or not. If he likes it continue. If he doesn't like it move on to another sport, music, art, theater, whatever as long as he enjoys it.

[cinnamon_toast]

My kids can pick one sport and one academic activity at a time (theater class, chess club, etc.). They also do a few 4H projects throughout the year. They are all at their request, I don't push them into anything or insist that they get involved in extra-curriculars. The one-sport-at-a-time rule is because I can't manage anything more than that and my son would do everything if I let him.

[marmom]

Why don't you put your child in as many extra-curricular activities as you feel comfortable and happy with as a family - even if the number is zero? Just because most parents have their children in play dates and other organized activities, does not mean you have to do the same if you don't find value in it. I don't see the point in having children in activities (e.g. soccer, music lessons) if it is not something they want to do do and enjoy doing.

Our children are very young, and we don't have them in anything. We get together with friends and neighbors on a routine basis. Some have children and some don't. That's it for play dates. We go to the park, library story time, the zoo, botanical gardens, lots of walks around the neighborhood, play in the back yard, etc. That's it. No preschool or daycare even. I have gotten some criticism for not socializing them enough. I disagree with my critics, and will always do what I feel is best for my children. Will they be in extracurricular activities when they are older? Probably. It just depends on them and what works best for us as a family. I don't intend on being a family that is constantly on the go. Two of my aunts had entire day planner notebooks devoted to their kids' extremely busy schedules. That would never work for us. We really value time to just hang out at home and relax, but that's us. Everyone is different.

Good luck to you!

[syracusa]

Originally Posted by maciesmom

The key is allowing your children the opportunity to discover their interests and strengths (whether sports or something else).

Question:

Though I am aware 5 is young to make such definitive judgments (my son is 5 1/2 right now), my mother instinct as well as my husband's father instinct, tell us both that this child "ain't" going anywhere athletically speaking.
He is quite uncoordinated, often unfocused, and can barely catch a ball with his two hands. I tried this with him the other day and he did catch it about two times out of four tries, but it was a very basic, light ball.
I know this is one of the "ready for K" basic tests...and he only barely passes it. He will start K in the Fall.

That being said, we don't want him to fail to develop well physically.
He is on the tall side and skinny and we do want him in some sort of sport, mainly for physical development reasons.

The Q would be: should we give up any team-sport already or continue to enroll him in swimming or something else individual (like karate or maybe later tennis, as right now he would not be able to hit a tennis ball with the racket to save his life). We are thinking to give soccer a try again this next Fall season as it has been a year since his last participation, and maybe his focus and coordination abilities have improved (??).

On the flip side, he is well ahead of age peers academically speaking. He reads at 1-3 grade level, does 1st grade math, has a large vocabulary, writes all sorts of little notes lately, many of them with perfect spelling, and apparently tested quite high on an IQ test that a psychologist we saw three days ago administered to him (she did not get to calculate his score right after administering it but she said she saw, at eye level, that his score was going to be quite high.
We will have a complete report at follow-up.

We went for an evaluation as the ped recommended it as a result of some behavior problems (both at home and in pre-K), mainly related to lack of focus, spaciness, etc.

What other sports-related activities might be good for someone like him?

[syracusa]

Originally Posted by rkb0305

school for only 4 hours/day? My son goes 7 hours/day!

Well, yeah.
Like I said - I was talking about the time I grew up (I am 38 yo) - different time and place.
At that time and in that place, school was strictly school - not mixed with "baby sitting" or fluff activities. We had four hours of intense academic curriculum: math, reading, writing. After four hours of hard concentration on such things, most children are DRAINED.

Schools did not keep us just because parents worked.
That's what grandparents were for!

[JennyMominRI]

My very unathletic son loved karate. He was terrible at soccer and felt like a failure. He was able to personally excel at soccer, without the outside pressure of other kid on a team.