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You don't get to choose if the child visits or not if it's court ordered visitation. Plus who's to judge when he's sticking to the rules? She won't know unless she is there.. What you say sounds good here but is unrealistic. Unless she wants to take him back to court she has no say. Please read my previous post as to why.
Court ordered visitation or not, I would not allow it.
Court ordered visitation or not, I would not allow it.
If the OP disallows visitation, then she could be held in contempt of court. She could be found to be interferring with the relationship between son and father, then she could loose some of her visitation rights.
In shared custody, you have to put up with your child living in a situation you would never put them in. In my case, my kids (okay.... step kids) do not get bathed or have routine hygiene attended to when they are with their mother. She and her DH berates them on their food choices (he's a vegan and she is a puppy that thinks everything he says is golden). We have been in counseling due to one of the children worrying over her whether her mother loves her (at 8 yo). This same child rips off her toenails with anxiety. Of course there is more to the story, but the end result is that we cannot interefere with their time together.
What can we do? We can provide a stable home for our kids. Teach the kids to speak for themselves and to recognize that they have power over themselves and no person has a right to determine their value as a person.
It is not easy.... some days it rips your heart out, but this is the best way for the kids in this situation.
Maybe the answer is supervised visitation, or visitation during the day. I don't think it's right to cut a child off from his other parent, absent direct abuse. But I would be concerned about the fact that women are staying over when father and son share a room. I don't think dating is an issue, but having women over in the same room seems to show bad judgment.
This is a cautionary tale that many people miss or never think about. We all choose our child's other parent. Choose carefully.
Personally, as a woman of divorced parents (I was ten at the time), I knew it was over for them long before they separated, and knew they were seeing others in my absence. I think your former partner is living his life honestly, and if he provides safety, shelter, food, and isn't having sex in front of your son -- he's good in my book.
Kids are a lot more observant and intelligent that most parents like to admit to themselves. I knew when my parents were saying one thing, and doing something different, and didn't respect them more for it.
I think you should live your life honestly, to your values, and if your son has questions about life you should answer them to the best of your ability, and as honestly as possible. Let his relationship with his father take care of itself, as long as he is safe and being provided for.
Court ordered visitation or not, I would not allow it.
How is it that you are not going to allow it..
If there is a court order for visitation and you deny that visitation, he/she can call the police and it is consider to be kidnapping.
Maybe the answer is supervised visitation, or visitation during the day. I don't think it's right to cut a child off from his other parent, absent direct abuse. But I would be concerned about the fact that women are staying over when father and son share a room. I don't think dating is an issue, but having women over in the same room seems to show bad judgment.
This is a cautionary tale that many people miss or never think about. We all choose our child's other parent. Choose carefully.
this is a good idea, but getting a supervised visitation is not easy..
especially if the father or mother doesnt have any criminal record.
If it were me? I wouldn't allow my son to sleep over there until ex and I could agree and stick to rules about visits.
That's something else you don't get to decide. It's up to the judge. The OP had a child with some random guy and now she doesn't want thim having other random girlfriends.
The mother cannot control her ex-boyfriend by using the child. And the same thing goes for child support, he doesn't get to control his ex-lover with them.
It's like others pointed out - choose the other parent of your children wisely.
That's something else you don't get to decide. It's up to the judge. The OP had a child with some random guy and now she doesn't want thim having other random girlfriends.
The mother cannot control her ex-boyfriend by using the child. And the same thing goes for child support, he doesn't get to control his ex-lover with them.
It's like others pointed out - choose the other parent of your children wisely.
Im agreeing with you on choosing the parent of your children..But when they complain how bad they think the other parent is being..They weren't bad to sleep with, have sex with, make a child with?, it was all good then..Now all of a sudden the guy that was so great...is now bad?..No people dont go from good to bad..If they are bad parents now they were bad parents in the beginning, its the person who refused to see it in the first place..
We are the ones who chose that bad parent for our child
Just ask someone who you know who believes their child has a good other parent..they will tell you..they knew that other parent would be a good parent no matter what!! Good parents dont go from..good to bad.
Everyone shows signs..its called recongnizing those signs so you don't get caught up other parent drama...
But I agree with your post..
Im agreeing with you on choosing the parent of your children..But when they complain how bad they think the other parent is being..They weren't bad to sleep with, have sex with, make a child with?, it was all good then..Now all of a sudden the guy that was so great...is now bad?..No people dont go from good to bad..If they are bad parents now they were bad parents in the beginning, its the person who refused to see it in the first place..
We are the ones who chose that bad parent for our child
Just ask someone who you know who believes their child has a good other parent..they will tell you..they knew that other parent would be a good parent no matter what!! Good parents dont go from..good to bad.
Everyone shows signs..its called recongnizing those signs so you don't get caught up other parent drama...
But I agree with your post..
There is so much wrong with your post I seriously do not know where to begin. Suffice to say people change, mature, and grow while others do not.
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