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My 4 year old has been asking me questions about death and I'm trying to answer the best I can. Her latest is "When we die, do we ever come back and live again". Ahhh, good old reincarnation question.
What do you all tell your kids about death? How do you explain it to them?
And what age is appropriate for questioning this kind of subject? 4 seems a bit young to me considering we don't have a dog that passed away, or anyone in the family that is passed recently..... But who knows... she's fascinated with making sure no one steps on and kills worms and ants so maybe that's got her brain thinking.
Personally, I think it's a little morbid though how frequently she talks about death and killing, but I don't tell her that. I just let her think about things and ask me questions.
I think that's about the time most kids question mortality. Add to that the fact that in many kid movies characters die. Part of how you address it depends on your personal and religious beliefs. The way I addressed it with my children was we talked circle of life. There are many great online resources.
First of all, I won't brainwash her with superstitious nonsense about going to heaven.
I tell her what we know. About reincarnation: Probably not - no one has ever experienced it and it has never been documented. You could say dying is like taking " a long nap".
My 4 year old has been asking me questions about death and I'm trying to answer the best I can. Her latest is "When we die, do we ever come back and live again". Ahhh, good old reincarnation question.
What do you all tell your kids about death? How do you explain it to them?
And what age is appropriate for questioning this kind of subject? 4 seems a bit young to me considering we don't have a dog that passed away, or anyone in the family that is passed recently..... But who knows... she's fascinated with making sure no one steps on and kills worms and ants so maybe that's got her brain thinking.
Personally, I think it's a little morbid though how frequently she talks about death and killing, but I don't tell her that. I just let her think about things and ask me questions.
I think it all depends on your beliefs and what you believe about dying..
My religious beliefs is a big factor in this subject and I tell my kids according to our beliefs..
First of all, I won't brainwash her with superstitious nonsense about going to heaven.
I tell her what we know. About reincarnation: Probably not - no one has ever experienced it and it has never been documented. You could say dying is like taking " a long nap".
A long nap? I would never tell a child death is kind of like a nap...
I would answer her as honestly and simply as possible. Which to me is no one really knows but some people believe XY or Z...and if you have specific religious or spiritual beliefs to discuss those.
A long nap? I would never tell a child death is kind of like a nap...
I would answer her as honestly and simply as possible. Which to me is no one really knows but some people believe XY or Z...and if you have specific religious or spiritual beliefs to discuss those.
Neither would I....then nap time would become a long horrible drawn out process with tantrums and crying that might make me wish I was dead!
i wouldn't discount anyone's beliefs generally. i wouldn't go into details either. "some people believe that you go to heaven and meet God" "some people believe you come back in a different life." etc. i would just tell my own son--IF he asked what different general beliefs are. i wouldn't say that any one belief is nonsense. just because i don't believe in certain things doesn't make them wrong.
First of all, I won't brainwash her with superstitious nonsense about going to heaven.
I tell her what we know. About reincarnation: Probably not - no one has ever experienced it and it has never been documented. You could say dying is like taking " a long nap".
Absolutely NEVER tell a child that death is like a long nap or going to sleep never to wake up or anything of the sort. If that child were to experience any kind of loss they might have severe sleeping problems themselves or worry about others in their family sleeping because they associate death with sleeping.
Be truthful about what you believe happens and in the most simplest of terms. At four years old it is not uncommon for children to think about death and wonder what it really means. Some focus on it more intently than others but it is completely normal.
Unfortunately my kids (and I) have experienced the death of someone we shouldn't have (at least for another 40 years anyway), and being open and honest has helped them cope so far. They have a little anxiety about death now that it has touched their lives but talking about it in the open and being honest, instead of some fairy tale make believe is making the transition easier.
Also as hard as it is, if they ask if mommy or daddy or even if they could die, be truthful. That you don't expect it to happen for a very long time, but that it could and explain what would happen to them if it were to happen. Example...if mommy were to die then daddy (or grandma, aunt, uncle or whoever) would take care of them they would not be all alone. As much as kids would be sad at a parent's passing they are more concerned with how they will be taken care of if it were to happen.
This is the question that is essentially the basis for most religions, so if you do believe in one, use that.
A friend of our family died unexpectedly over a year ago, so this brought on a torrent of questions from our 5 year old. We framed the discussion based on our religious beliefs.
If you don't have a particular belief system to fall back on, than I would just be direct and honest with my answer. Death is a part of life, there is no escaping it. Zimbochick's "circle of life" would be a great way to frame it in a non-religious way.
So, when it comes to reincarnation, if you don't believe in it, tell them that, no, people don't come back to life after they die.
Interesting...I wonder if asking questions about death is a cultural thing. My children never asked about dying/death and none of my friends have ever mentioned having been broached with the subject by their children. We've always included children in matters of death, i.e. attending memorials, funerals, burials, etc. Conversations about illness/death were never hush-hush. I can only presume that their unasked questions were answered during the course of conversations we had or they overheard. When someone died, the only questions I was ever asked was about the cause and age of the person. Unfortunately, they also experienced the deaths of other children, but were never fearful about dying (or at least they never said anything). They grew up knowing that dying is part of living and what our religious beliefs are.
As for telling a child that dying is like a long nap..YIKES!
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