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Parents aren't ready is probably an unfair statement but most parents are apprehensive especially with thier first child. So its easy to go from being apprehensive to 'lets hold him or her back' another year..
I can see how having to repeat a grade would be hard on a child in middle school but not so much in grammer school. Taking first or second grade seems like it wouldn't be that big a deal and it certainly seems that the reward of taking the same grade twice would far outweigh any downside..
I don't see a lot of parent apprehension for starting school for no reason whatsoever. In fact, with first children especially, I think parents are more anxious to move toward a "milestone" like starting school. It's a new and exciting experience for the parents too. Of course there will always be the occasional parent who is reluctant to move forward but I really think those are not the norm.
Marmom---hold her back and don't look back!! I held my son back for many reasons--immaturity, speech delays, very small stature, and just a feeling that he wasn't ready. I put him in a very good private preschool/kindergarten program that got him ready for 1st grade. I am SO glad that I did. He held his own in 1st and 2nd grade and was on par with the other kids. If I had not held him back, it would have been a disaster. Our township offers only half day Kindergarten programs which I don't think helps the kids at all. Finding a good private program was right for us. We did two years of a full day preschool program which was fantastic. He was reading a bit when he got into their Kindergarten program.
I so wish that I had the foresight to do the same thing with my daughter. She is now going into Middle School and I worry about her. Had I known what I know now, I would have held her back as well when it was easy to hold her back. Forget about holding your child back in the later elementary years. It will be harder on you and the child. Holding your child back now, no one will really know.
Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your decision either. My daughter's elementary school did a good job making a few negative comments about my decision when I asked a few questions. A few moms also put the big guilt trip on me as well. Just ignore them and do what is right for you.
One edit: Both our kids were adopted and had some delays. This wasn't a case of me not being ready to let the little darlings fly the nest...;D
My DS is due to start kindergarten in the fall. He has a May birthday and the cut off is September 1. We are going ahead and starting him on schedule but I do worry that he isn't ready. He has never been diagnosed with any delays (if he was I think I definitely would have kept him back a year) but I do worry about his maturity level. He is a typical, rowdy little boy, and little boys do tend to mature slower than girls. My DS is no exception. I hope I don't regret sending him on time!
My DD has a July birthday, so she will be very close to the cut off. I will wait and see with her, she is only 1 now. I hope that since she is a girl, she will be a little more mature but I'm not opposed to holding her back if she doesn't seem ready.
Parents aren't ready is probably an unfair statement but most parents are apprehensive especially with thier first child. So its easy to go from being apprehensive to 'lets hold him or her back' another year..
I can see how having to repeat a grade would be hard on a child in middle school but not so much in grammer school. Taking first or second grade seems like it wouldn't be that big a deal and it certainly seems that the reward of taking the same grade twice would far outweigh any downside..
I think it would be a big deal for the child to see all of her friends move on when she didn't get to. To this day I still remember the one kid from my kindie class that had to repeat it.
One option I've seen parents use is to do private kindergarten and see how it goes. If the child is ready for 1st grade, great. If not, she can do kindie over at the public school.
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Originally Posted by marmom
Next year my dd will turn 5 about a month before the cutoff date for beginning Kindergarten in our school district (in other words, if she were born a month later she would not be eligible to begin until the following year). I have considered starting her in Kindergarten a year later mainly because of some minor developmental delays. She generally has been slower to develop (usually at the late range of what is considered normal), and significantly behind in a few specific areas (e.g. she did not begin to speak until age 3). She still receives therapy for these delays, but does appear to catch up and reach milestones on her own eventually. There has been no formal diagnosis other than developmental delay. My thinking is that she might be more successful and experience fewer barriers in school if she has that extra year of development under her belt.
The other reason might seem silly, but it sticks out in my mind. My younger daughter was born right after the same cutoff. So even though they are just over two years apart in age, if we went by the cutoffs provided by the school district, they would be three years apart in school, which seems odd to me.
I've known people who waited until age 6 to begin Kindergarten and say it was a good choice for their kid. Other people have told me that she will later resent me for the decision, as she will realize that she could be one year ahead in school.
I do not want to set her up to fail, or put her in a position of later having to repeat a grade (if they even still do that).
Any insights, especially from parents who have been in this situation, would be greatly appreciated. Would like to hear pros, cons, experiences, etc. Thank you!
I think you're smart to at least consider starting her at six. Being the youngest in your grade can have a significant impact on personality formation and if I thought that my daughter was sensitive and running a little late on some developmental milestones I would not be totally comfortable throwing her into a class of aggressive, fast-talking, fast-moving, bigger kids. If you start her at six you're giving her an advantage and it could be a decision that has a very large impact later on. Just my $0.02 and it's worth about as much as anything else on these internets.
I'm a firm believer in holding them back if there is ANY doubt about their ability to adjust and do well in school. School is as much about social interaction and relationships as it is about education. A child who can do well academically, but is socially awkward is just as bad as one who is socially ready, but academically delayed.
If you push forward you have to assume that you are rolling the dice and taking a chance that they may fail and be held back in the K-3 range in school. Socially that can be very difficult on a child as the people they have made friends with and gotten to know are moved on and they are forced to stay back. It is better to do the extra year of pre-K and delay starting Kindergarten and avoid most of the chance they might be held back later.
It really all comes down to knowing your kid. My son was born mid-November and we have a rather late October 31st cut off date. We probably could have pushed for him to start Kindergarten earlier, but he really wasn't ready. He did well in pre-K and there was an amazing difference in his maturity over that year and he did very well in Kindergarten.
My daughter was born in mid-July and just turned 3. Already I can see a massive difference between her and her brother and I honestly think she could start pre-K now, but needs to wait another year. I can't see any reason we would consider delaying her. My other daughter will turn 2 at the end of October and she will be right on the cut-off. Her development is on target, but slower than my other daugher, more inline with my son. I already feel in the back of my head, that holding her back a year since she is right at the cut-off will probably be the best choice.
Our DD will be 5 early Oct. The cut-off here for Kindy is Sept. 1. We were told we could push her ahead (as in she would only be 4 when starting).
We are not doing that, however. She will have one more year of pre-school.
I know from my older son's experience that the peer pressure really ramps up in Kindy, and the days are very long (she still naps sometimes). And I know it gets all way harder in 1st grade!
I also know someone who had her daughter start Kindy at 4 (turned 5 in early Oct.)--she was teased mercilessly by the boys who were already 6 when they were started. Her parents pulled her out in 2nd grade to homeschool her.
OP, I think given your DD's needs, it might be a wise thing to give her another year to catch up. Good luck with your decision.
I would wait a year. Your daughter is so close to the cut-off point as it is, so it's not like she will be dramatically older than the other kids if you wait a year. She would likely be the youngest in the class if you don't wait a year, so really, you're choosing between the best of the imperfect options. In this case, I think she will likely have a much better experience if given an extra year to catch up with the others, rather than being stressed out because she's always "behind" now (something that can happen to the youngest kids either behaviorally or academically, even without the sort of delays you're describing.) Keeping her back a year sounds like a great plan. And who knows, IF a few years from now she's so far ahead and advanced that she needs to move up a grade, the school may be open to it. Or, this may likely turn out to be a great place for her. Most of the time it's advantageous to be the oldest rather than the youngest.
I have not heard of children being resentful of a later start, although I'm sure it's possible. I do know of many children who have a similar birthday to DS but a year younger, and in most cases people now regret not delaying a year, especially if children are doing well academically, but not so well socially.
I agree w/ this. My BIL was sent to school (his b-day is Aug 3rd) & he hated it. He was always the smallest boy, he said & was picked on. Another friend sent her daughter with a late July b-day, & the Mom regrets it, as her daughter is struggling emotionally.
Though my son is the immature one & daughter is the more mature, however, our son, well, there's no nice way to say this, he's more academically inclined than our daughter. So, our daughter is one of the oldest in her class, & our son should be the youngest in his class, but another girl must've skipped because her b-day is the end of June, but a year later, so, she's only 3 mos older than my daughter, but 2 grades ahead.
The problem with my son is that he's bored already in school, like I was. He can multiply & divide, even multiplying with 3 numbers, like 3 x 3 x 4, & his class ended the year only on fractions & shapes. No, I didn't teach him, I guess he just taught himself. So, if I had held him back, I can't even imagine how bored he'd be. lol My daughter, well, she's more of a social butterfly. lol
I wrote a novel. lol Oh, & I forgot, my daughter is very tall for her age & I didn't want her to get teased for being taller than everyone else. So far, so good. If anything, SHE'S the one in 'charge'. Sigh
As someone whose kids have gone all the way through school, I will say that I do know some people who regretted holding their kids back. In one case, the student took summer school classes in high school so she could graduate when she should have. In another case, the school bumped a kid up (boy). Girls especially have some difficulty being held back if they start to mature early, in some cases two years or more before their classmates. I also know a number of people who sent kids to school young and did not regret it, including some parents of boys.
Students who are more than a year older than their classmates are more likely to drop out of high school.
Leaving a Child Behind Before Kindergarten (http://www.ncld.org/at-school/general-topics/early-learning-aamp-literacy/leaving-a-child-behind-before-kindergarten - broken link)
Some studies report that in the short run, redshirting can boost a child's confidence, improve academic learning, increase success with social interactions, and perhaps even boost popularity among peers. But the long term benefits of redshirting are not clear, and by third grade, there is no discernable difference between those children who had a late school start and those who did not.
When compared to their non-retained peers, children who were retained before kindergarten were sixty-six percent more likely to receive negative feedback from teachers during their later school years.
Students who are more than a year older than their classmates are more likely to drop out of high school.
However, it is a personal decision.
Last edited by Katarina Witt; 07-14-2011 at 09:15 PM..
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