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I am really bothered by the suggestions that there is something untoward or wrong about the young man holding a child's hand. Have we gotten to the point where it's not all right for a man to touch a child's hand to guide or comfort him or her?
I never had a male teacher until middle school, but my sister's first-grade teacher was a man. The kids adored him and frequently gave him hugs. I doubt that would be allowed now (this was 20 years ago), and while such limits on physical contact probably do protect both teachers and students, it's unfortunate that it's come to that.
2) Now this struck a nerve with me. I actually cancelled an interview at a private school one time, after I went to their website and saw a picture of a male staffer holding hands with a young student.
Not recommended at any PK-12, only in Sped if absolutely necessary. I don't even see the kids holding hands lately.
I don't understand this. You canceled the interview because there was a picture on their website of a teacher holding a student's hand?? But those are the types of pictures that schools put on their websites. You know, pictures that are fun, pictures that make the environment look welcoming. I bet the teacher was smiling, too...that makes it extra suspicious.
Seriously, though, you're making it sound as if there is indisputably some sexual tension in this picture. I mean, if a male high school teacher held the hand of his female student, that gesture would have sexual significance (especially to a viewer). But a regular man holding the hand of a child is not thinking about sexual significance. He's feeling warm, fuzzy, protective, all of the things that people feel when they hold a child's little hand. Men love their own children just as much as women do -- why should that not transfer to other people's children?
To the OP: I would never leave my child at a daycare facility or school without being fully informed of the background check process, etc. However, this has nothing to do with gender. I just want to know that all employees, male or female, are monitored and checked.
But you mentioned zero suspicious behavior in your OP. They were all walking, a staff member was assisting, your child was holding his hand. I mean, the two little girls my husband and I babysit give us huge hugs when they see us. My husband also changes the little one's diapers. Oh no, maybe my husband's a pedophile???
Also, speaking of hysteria over this topic: When I was in junior high, a girl in one of my classes was really upset about something. She started crying at the end of class, as everyone else was leaving. I guess our teacher, a man, came over and asked her what was wrong. I forget exactly what it was...she was feeling overwhelmed about something. Anyway, apparently, he put his arm around her to comfort her at one point, because she was crying really hard and telling him what was going on. It was just brief; he said, "It'll be okay" and gave her a quick shoulder-squeeze or something.
So she mentioned it in passing to her mother, and her mother stormed into the school and demanded to know why he was touching her daughter. Fortunately, this never went anywhere. He was such a sweet guy and one of my favorite teachers. He really cared about his students, and when one was sobbing in class, he wanted to make her feel better!
Anyway, I'm NOT saying this is what the OP is doing. But people are so hyper-aware of pedophiles that extreme reactions to normal behavior are so easily triggered.
2) Male teacher holding hands with student )I'm surprised no one commented on this).
No one had commented on this because holding hands is a safe, caring, loving thing to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by khuntrevor
2) Now this struck a nerve with me. I actually cancelled an interview at a private school one time, after I went to their website and saw a picture of a male staffer holding hands with a young student.
Not recommended at any PK-12, only in Sped if absolutely necessary. I don't even see the kids holding hands lately.
THAT is incredibly sad, and very much an overreaction. I normally let things go, in terms of what reaction a parent has - I mean, everybody has different standards, different ways of being, different priorities. But to be scared of HAND HOLDING?! Is completely irrational, and damaging.
When my kids were in preschool, I wanted a place where human touch was considered normal - a hug, a pat on the head or shoulder, hand holding. Touch is a basic human need! It drives me crazy that it's being driven out of schools, because of fear. A rule like, "never hug when the teacher & student are alone" is something even a young kid can understand, and still allows for positive affection being shown in the class.
And *actually* - our church Sunday school has a rule that a teacher and student can never be allowed alone together, unless the door is open and the place is relatively public. I'd check to see if your preschool has the same rule. We can actually not close the door on our classrooms - they have either the half-doors, or the door has to remain open.
Quote:
Originally Posted by persnicketygal
OP: Have you asked your child how his day at preschool was? You need to ask him why he was holding the teacher's hand. But don't do it until you read some materials on gentle ways to get the information you need out of him (it's a delicate thing -- that's why there are child-psychology experts out there to help those of us who aren't). You do not want your fears to be his fears right now.
If you don't want your fears to be your kid's fears, don't ask at all! Just asking will make it seem like hand-holding is wrong. It's not.
Also, speaking of hysteria over this topic: When I was in junior high, a girl in one of my classes was really upset about something. She started crying at the end of class, as everyone else was leaving. I guess our teacher, a man, came over and asked her what was wrong. I forget exactly what it was...she was feeling overwhelmed about something. Anyway, apparently, he put his arm around her to comfort her at one point, because she was crying really hard and telling him what was going on. It was just brief; he said, "It'll be okay" and gave her a quick shoulder-squeeze or something.
So she mentioned it in passing to her mother, and her mother stormed into the school and demanded to know why he was touching her daughter. Fortunately, this never went anywhere. He was such a sweet guy and one of my favorite teachers. He really cared about his students, and when one was sobbing in class, he wanted to make her feel better!
Anyway, I'm NOT saying this is what the OP is doing. But people are so hyper-aware of pedophiles that extreme reactions to normal behavior are so easily triggered.
So true. If I went to pick up my daughter from daycare and found a teacher or ANY person I didn't know with her, I would want to know who they were, which could be accomplished with a smile, a hello, and a few questions. And I would want to know that ALL staff are background and reference checked. But I can't imagine the first thought coming to my mind when I see a young man is child molester.
My daughter had a young male teacher at her daycare, and he was absolutely fantastic with the children. I never had any fear or concerns about him with her. He quit his job to finish working on his degree and she cried when he left. It's sad that a good teacher like he is, who genuinely loves kids and wants to teach, would be labeled as a predator just because he is male.
And preschool children should definitely have their hands held and given hugs by their teachers. I would not want my child in a school where the teachers were cold and distant and not even allowed to touch their hands. I constantly see the kids running to their teachers for a hug hello and goodbye. And as a parent, don't you hold your 3 or 4 year old's hand when walking somewhere? Why shouldn't a teacher do the same? I can see the problem if these were middle school kids, or even elementary aged, but these are small children. I don't think I would panic at the sight at someone holding my preschooler's hand.
I think the OP is overreacting. I think it's normal and perfectly okay to want to know who the person is who is taking care of your child, and any decent parent would want to know that. I wouldn't, however, see a young man not doing anything wrong or inappropriate and immediately fear my child being molested. Be cautious, be careful, but don't be paranoid.
Reminds me of the case in California in the 80's, where a family of daycare providers were falsely accused of all kinds of outrageous child sex abuse charges. It all started with ONE paranoid parent, and the hysteria spread, and soon this innocent family went through hell. Like ItalianIce said, people have become so suspicious that something as innocent and normal as a young man holding a little boy's hand causes his mother immediately think child abuse. Very sad.
My kids (3.5 and 1.5) also go to a church run playschool. This year, there is a male PE teacher (well, the word PE is ambitious at that age...). I am not worried, because all teachers there have background checks run on them, plus I think it is great for the kids to have a male role model as well, especially for my boy. He says gym/ outdoor time is much more fun now there is a teacher who does lots of structured games with them.
In your case, I would not be worried at all about the male, or the handholding. I probably would be a bit annoyed that there is a new teacher/ aide which I hadn't heard about (in the playschool my kids go to, they send out an email with an introduction when that happens, but I don't know how common that is.)
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