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Unfortunately, it's a very thin line these days. Kids are taught not to confront but to tell an adult versus back in the day kids were taught if someone pushes you - push them back
Sometimes confronting works, sometimes it isn't an option. When my youngest was being bullied, it was not an option since her bullies were bigger, stronger, and outnumbered her. OTOH, when Eldest was in elementary school, there was a boy in her class who would torment other little girls, though not my daughter. I sent a note into school explaining to her teacher that Eldest had been instructed that if T put a hand on her, she was to lay him out flat, and that she had been forewarned that she would get in trouble for breaking school rules, but would not only not get in trouble at home, we'd probably go out for ice cream. The kid was transferred out of the school before anything happened, but I think the point was made.
The problem of bullying has gotten worse as the majority of kids have become wimps. One well-placed shove and my "wanna be a bully" would be back in line. Please somebody shove him
How about instead of waiting for someone else's kid to put your Moderator cut: child in line, why don't you as parents give him some consequences? Kids should not have to go to school and put up with any kind of bullying....they should not even need to fight back if the bully's parents are doing their jobs. And if your kid cannot behave like a human being, he doesn't belong in a regular school.
Last edited by JustJulia; 09-22-2011 at 11:04 AM..
Reason: no need to be rude
How about instead of waiting for someone else's kid to put your child in line, why don't you as parents give him some consequences? Kids should not have to go to school and put up with any kind of bullying....they should not even need to fight back if the bully's parents are doing their jobs. And if your kid cannot behave like a human being, he doesn't belong in a regular school.
Agree. Parents need to be parents.
Last edited by JustJulia; 09-22-2011 at 11:04 AM..
Reason: Edited quoted post
If you can't see bullying is a form of violent conflict that's your issue, not mine.
I have difficulty with an oversimplified, black and white view of the world.
When my daughter was being bullied, there was no conflict. The bullies weren't angry or conflicted, they were enjoying themselves immensely. The bystanders weren't particularly upset, from the looks of things. My daughter wasn't conflicted so much as terrified and depressed. By strict definition, it wasn't even particularly violent most of the time-- texting of cell phone photographs, mocking, etc.
So yes, in fact, I do take "issue" with your assessment.
Yes conflict should be handled by kids as much as possible. But, Bullying is not Conflict it is Bullying the two do not intertwine.
I don't see why conflict should be handled by the kid. Or maybe it should be handled by the kid, with interaction and education from adults. Kids need to be TAUGHT how to handle conflict. I have never understood why we STOP inter social education after preschool. Kids need it. Instead we tell them to Lord of the Flies on it.
Quote:
Stepping in, the New Jersey-based doc says, isn't just about protecting a child who is suffering at the hands of a bully, but protecting your own child too. That's because there's usually a reason behind a kid's decision to take on the bully role to begin with. Check out Dr. Osit's list of "psychological and/or social factors" that can cause a child to bully to see if your child fits the profile:
I am shocked at the amount of "mean girls" that there are these days in such young,elementary grades. There are cliques in 1st grade! There is a particular group of girls who are just downright mean. They make fun of the others if their clothes are not from a particular store (usually Justice!) or if they don't have this or that... I have had lunch with my daughters and just can't believe the way some of the kids talk to others. It is amazing.
It may not be bullying exactly, but they are on their way.
Hmmm. I'm going to go out on a limb here. My 4.5yr old is somewhat naturally inclined toward bullying. Yes, he's only 4.5 so a lot of his behavior "should" improve with age. But right now he's the "alpha dog" in the room. He'd like your kids' toys, he'd like to boss them around, he might push or shove your kid, and he'd like to be their friend...he just doesn't know how.
Now, as his parent we discipline consistently and do our best to try to teach him . We're tough parents and have a very well behaved older child. My husband and I are laid back creative types, not bullies.
You know what would make him behave? If he wasn't always the toughest kid in the room! No one pushes back, no one tells him to buzz off, all they do is whine and tattle. The influence of parents only goes so far, I can't be with him every day at school on the playground, kids need to learn some social consequences for their actions.
Why should they have to? Other children should not have to discipline your child. YOU should. You say you do, but I don't but it or he would not be doing it anymore.
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