Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My son, 20. His dad and I have been divorced since he was 4. Has moved out on his own and has been for 4 months. He is a Junior at a University, his GPA is 3.4, he works two jobs. For the most part he seems very responsible and always has been respectful. I have helped him out the first 3 months with groceries, a TV, furniture, and general stuff needed for the first time you move out, I would guess this is what all parents do.
So, yesterday, I find out he spent $900 on three football tickets. I had to be peeled off the roof. First, I've been buying groceries for him because he said he has no money...so, I called him and ask him "was this indeed true?", he said, "yes it was" I didn't get mad with him, didn't raise my voice. I simply ask him, " do you think that was a good, sound finanical decision?" he replied, "it's my decision, right or wrong, my money." I told him he was right and launched into I know you want to do things for people and thats good, but it's not right to spend that money on football when someone is buying your groceries. This is where he lost it, I never ask who the tickets were for, didn't care, but he says, "they are for Dad and ******(his stepmom)" and I will buy them whatever I want..I explained it didn't matter who they were for...but, he didn't want to hear it.
I signed for his apartment, I moved him, I helped with his bills. Until now. I will not buy another penny of groceries or fork out any more money, I told him, to apply for student loans cause the bank of Momma is closed.
It breaks my heart that he is mad, but, It's time he went to the school of hard knocks...His dad is aloof, he's been there, but he can't help with money or credit cause his management skills suck...and my boys are continuiously trying to "buy" his love...
Am I doing the right thing by cutting the money off? What say you?
Oh man....I feel your pain round4. I would have reacted in the same way, but not sure that I could have held calm for as long as you did. If my son did that...well, I have no words to describe how angry I would be. My bank would close, too. Best of luck to you, and to your son as well. He has a lot to learn.
Is it an imprisonable offence to buy football tickets ?
Maybe you aren't being specific enough and there's much more to the story.
I could understand your concerns if he'd turned to crime to feed a burgeoning drug habit, or if he'd held up a 7/11 to get the money.
I understand that you are upset he maybe wasn't honest with you aboutt his financial situation, but I know of very few people who'll say "no" to free financial help.
Oh man....I feel your pain round4. I would have reacted in the same way, but not sure that I could have held calm for as long as you did. If my son did that...well, I have no words to describe how angry I would be. My bank would close, too. Best of luck to you, and to your son as well. He has a lot to learn.
It's killing me this morning. But, I feel like for his own good, it has to stop. Of course he can always come to my house and eat, and he has a dining card and cooks at a restaurnat, so I know he won't starve.
But, I hate feeling at odds with my kids, but, I told him that I was thru and I meant it.
Am I doing the right thing by cutting the money off? What say you?
Yes! How else will he learn financial responsibility if someone else is paying his bills? You are doing the right thing. And when he's hungry and trying to come up for money for food and realizes that $900 would have bought months' worth of food, maybe he will learn better judgement.
Hold your ground on this one. He's at an age where he needs to learn to be self sufficient and he can't if Mommy is funding him.
Is it an imprisonable offence to buy football tickets ?
Maybe you aren't being specific enough and there's much more to the story.
I could understand your concerns if he'd turned to crime to feed a burgeoning drug habit, or if he'd held up a 7/11 to get the money.
I understand that you are upset he maybe wasn't honest with you aboutt his financial situation, but I know of very few people who'll say "no" to free financial help.
Methinks there is a deeper issue here
No deeper issue on my part, It pissed me off that hepaid that kind of money for football tickets, I didn't offer him money HE ASK, huge difference, he lied to me, said he didn't have money, when all the while he was planning this.
Is it an imprisonable offence to buy football tickets ?
Maybe you aren't being specific enough and there's much more to the story.
I could understand your concerns if he'd turned to crime to feed a burgeoning drug habit, or if he'd held up a 7/11 to get the money.
I understand that you are upset he maybe wasn't honest with you aboutt his financial situation, but I know of very few people who'll say "no" to free financial help.
Methinks there is a deeper issue here
What???? Have you put any kids through college, and suffered financially to do it?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,009,486 times
Reputation: 9418
Wow. I understand your concern. You don't spend that kind of money on gifts you don't have and while you're asking for help feeding yourself. You're absolutely right. You're doing the right thing! Don't second guess yourself. You've done well. You've given him what he needs to get started. Now let him become a man and do the rest on his own. He may find it a bumpy ride at first but he needs to to learn how to handle money. Rescuing will only delay his learning, as I'm sure you're well aware.
I put myself through my education by working part time to support myself, and my son will do the same. If he's in dire straits, I will help him a little, and he can have all the advice and guidance he will ever need, but I won't spoonfeed him.
I certainly have no desire for him to come to rely on me.
He has to realise at some point that he is responsible for the consequences of his actions.
The Bank of Dad is closed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
What???? Have you put any kids through college, and suffered financially to do it?
Based upon what you've written, this sounds to me like a simple maturity issue. You've always supplied his basics and is taking that for granted, so he feels its fair to spend this money on expensive football tickets.
If he actually got angry at you over this, then its sounds like he really has no idea what it means to be an independent adult. I hope that you hold your ground, and do not provide any additional financial support to him. Once he can't pay for food or necessities, he'll *begin* to understand what its like to maintain a budget. Of course, be prepared for the fact that he may get angry at you again--because he thinks its his *right* that you give him money when he asks--but he has to learn at some point.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Best of luck to you, and to your son as well. He has a lot to learn.
But, I feel like for his own good, it has to stop. Of course he can always come to my house and eat, and he has a dining card and cooks at a restaurnat, so I know he won't starve.
