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Not really looking for any specific advise, necessarily, maybe I just need to put this down in words for myself.
It's sometimes hard to be a Mom. I don't always know the right course of action to take when dealing with a situation. I have three kids, both sexes, three very different personalities, so one size does not fit all! Sometimes it is a real challenge.[of course it can also be the greatest joy at times]
Also, I didn't have a Mother as a child, so I feel like I have nothing to go on!
I'll take any words of inspiration and encouragement that I can get!
That you are thinking and trying speaks volumes. Continue to let love motivate you and your intelligence help work your way through, and you will be fine fine. Confidence in yourself goes a long way too.
You can only do the best you can, sometimes that has to be good enough. You're never going to make the right decision 100% of the time, but the nice thing is life isn't a standardized test and getting the occasional question wrong doesn't mean you fail the course. The sooner you realize that no ones perfect, the better off you will be and your occasional imperfections are not going to damage your kids for life. Even people who have the resource of themselves having been raised by the "perfect parent" often end up in uncharted waters and need to find their own way out.
The fact that you are here baring your soul speaks volumes about how much you care for your children. They are very lucky.
I have no idea how difficult it must have been growing up without a mother, but some of us didn't not have the best maternal role-models anyway. Point being, that does not diminish your capabilities as a mother at all. Thinking about one's role as a mother is just as important as a good role-model, if not more so.
I always refer to my mothering skills as on-the-job training. Some things I do well, and some....not so well. All we can do is reflect and evaluate, and improve as we go along.
Keep your chin up, keep on loving your children, and do the best you can.
And if you did have someone to call it would just reinforce what you were already thinking. You would be saying "yes, that's right" in your own mind. Don't second guess yourself. You are doing a good job and should continue doing what you think is best. Those kids are lucky to have a caring mother. I have 3 daughters who are older now and I still wonder about some of my decisions. Keep up the good work!
Not really looking for any specific advise, necessarily, maybe I just need to put this down in words for myself.
It's sometimes hard to be a Mom. I don't always know the right course of action to take when dealing with a situation. I have three kids, both sexes, three very different personalities, so one size does not fit all! Sometimes it is a real challenge.[of course it can also be the greatest joy at times]
Also, I didn't have a Mother as a child, so I feel like I have nothing to go on!
I'll take any words of inspiration and encouragement that I can get!
Well, first off, don't let it concern you at all that you didn't have a mother around when you were young. Meeting your kids' needs is just as easy (sometimes it may even be EASIER) without that standard for comparison floating around in your head. The kids of today should be raised by the parents of today, if you get me, as the world is constantly changing.
As for knowing the right course of action, none of us do! Before my son was born, I studied everything I could find online and in books to try and memorize the "right" responses to every problem. Then I learned from experience that about half of what I learned before actually worked with my son, and half of THOSE things just didn't feel right to me.
Not to downplay research, because it can help you, but don't commit to anything you read or hear from others until you see how it works for both you and your children.
The only solid advice I will give to you, is keep and teach your sense of humor at all times.
Not really looking for any specific advise, necessarily, maybe I just need to put this down in words for myself.
It's sometimes hard to be a Mom. I don't always know the right course of action to take when dealing with a situation. I have three kids, both sexes, three very different personalities, so one size does not fit all! Sometimes it is a real challenge.[of course it can also be the greatest joy at times]
Also, I didn't have a Mother as a child, so I feel like I have nothing to go on!
I'll take any words of inspiration and encouragement that I can get!
Remember that in the end you will get this great feeling of joy and satisfaction when they are grown up and having their own lives and become good people.
It is no different than any task or project you have done in your life and see the results. While you are at it, you wonder if you are doing a good job but the end results is the reflection of your effort and care.
The same with raising children but to a much higher level of satisfaction.
My wife and I raised three daughter and we now look back and we feel good. Were we perfect parents, not at all!! We have our share of mistakes that we wished we could take back. However, when you combine that with the good accomplishments overall we feel good. We did the best we could.
I do cherish a letter one of my daughters gave me for father's day. It made me cry because even though she said I was not a perfect parent she told me the good things I did as a father greatly outweigh the mistakes. She recalled things I never even realized I did for her and meant so much to her even though I did out of love.
As far as you did not have a mom to teach you parenting skills, there are tons of books out there to get tips. Also, there are lots of numerous senior citizens very willing to give guidance and advice. Harness all the experience from them and you will benefit greatly.
There is a nice website called "Elder Wisdom Circle". Google it. It is an organization that recruits citizens that are 60 and older. You can go to the website and ask for advice. You will get replies from them giving you guidance based on their experience. Hope this helps. Take care.
Everyone has posted great advice and support, so not much more I can add - except to just reassure you that most of us felt the same way you have. Too bad we are not given an "operator's manual" with each child.
The one thing you said that really stuck with me is - each child is an individual. That tells me you are a good mom - cause what I have seen over my half a century of living is that too many parents try to make "one size fit all" with rules in the house and with their child rearing methods.
The fact that you realize your children are each different makes you one step ahead of those who think everything is black and white and all children must conform, and the same methods work for every child. Every child is an equal opportunity for parents to discover new ways to be a good parent, lol.
Best wishes and hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season this year!
It's sometimes hard to be a Mom. I don't always know the right course of action to take when dealing with a situation. I have three kids, both sexes, three very different personalities, so one size does not fit all! Sometimes it is a real challenge.[of course it can also be the greatest joy at times]
LK, you need to write this down and sell it because I think it's one of the best summaries of being a parent I've ever read!
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Like some of the other posters already said, the fact that you are reflecting on your parenting style, that you know your kids are all individuals, that you know you don't always have all the answers, are all indications that you are doing what you need to be doing as a mom. Some days are just hard, aren't they? Sending good thoughts and supportive hugs!
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