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I have been living with my girlfriend and her son for about 5 years now.
Her son is 16 and a couple years ago is when the trouble went from bad
to a complete hell.
To make a long story short, Let me go over some of the events/crap I've had to go through.
First Month of when all 3 of us moved in his grandfather (her dad) dies.
Her son's dad has never really had contact with them at all and barely
pays child support.
Her mother lived with us for a while and that was very frustrating
because she also "babies" him.
Later he get's busted for a crime that I don't want to meantion
other than I can tell you - It turned our whole lives upside down.
My family - siblings - parents Do not welcome my girlfriend or her son
over to their houses for anything... Including holidays.
I am the only one between myself and girlfriend that has a license.
So I do alot of running when we need anything.
Her son is now "homeschooled" on a pc so on my days off he is usually
at home which creates tension.
Bottom Line - The kid doesn't respect me or my rules at all.
He is a total momma's boy and even when I try to ASK if he
will do the dishes, take out garbage, or even clean his room,
He acts as if I am a total tyrant.
His mother (my girlfriend) tells me that I am always angry and
always have an "angry face" and yell all the time and that
is the reason her son is so reluctant to come up to me other
than say goodnite or ask me for things.
I felt bad for the kid for so long, But then after time felt as
if I have been "had".
His mother reinforces the lack of disciple I have for him.
He spends way to much time with his mother and grandmother.
His grandmother lets him do whatever he wants when he stays
over there.
He constantly pesters his mother and uses reverse pyschology
with her while I am at work/not around them.
I am not respected by her son at all. My rules are Nothing.
Even "our rules" are nothing because of a combination of his
mother and grandmother destroying anykind of respect that
the child should have for me.
My family would like me to leave her.
Her family could care less either way.
If I left I would be just another guy that didn't care.
If I stay - I have to live the frustration of these things
out until either the kid really gets into trouble (jail) again.
Tries to put kill me in my sleep? I donno what will happen next.
If she really loved me, You would think that she would break the
over protective mother cycle to try to make things work.
Instead....... Well, I feel like a fool for loving them.
What should I do?
If I leave my girlfriend - her son "wins" at a game that I don't
even want to play. (I hate games)
If I stay it's almost as if I am/feel "whipped" all the time.
On top of all of this crap, My mother died just before her birthday
unexpectingly shocking my immediate family..... My mom did not like
my girlfriend and especially her son after what he had done.
I have people pulling at me to leave her.
My heart just doesn't seem to let me.
yet I can't help but wondering -
Maybe I have been fighting for the wrong side?
Honestly, you have no power or influence in this situation. Sorry, but the best thing for you is to move out. You can still date your girlfriend, just move out so you don't have to live in this messy situation. It will not get better because your gf won't do anything about it. Just move out.
I think you should listen to others including your family and move out. You can date her but live elsewhere but a relationship with a parent is never easy because you have no say over the kids.
He probably resents you since he had his mother to himself until you can into the picture. If, after all this time, you have made no progress in building a bond with him it won't be happening any time soon. In fact it will get worse as soon he won't even be "homeschooled" and you will be nagging him to get a job.
Why are you the only driver in the family? (and that might be the real problem-you aren't a family are you?) Somebody needs to learn to drive so this woman and her son are not dependent on a man to get them places.
u r in the middle of a triangle. the kid knows his card and meal ticket is guilt ridden mama.
for sure he is not guna play ball w u ever. as far as he is concerned he is alpha wolf and u are a trespasser.
he does not accept pack pecking order. big problem. this is when wolves get maimed and killed.
this is why guys dont like to date women with kids.
rejoice u r still single. r u considering a split up? just cant do it?
speak to a counselor.
This is very common in parents where one parent leaves or die and the other feels guilty. Thus they seem to feel that it's their duty to make up for that by not making life any harder for their kid. Sadly you end up getting what you get now, and entitled brat who never learns how to take care of himself. The best thing you can do is leave as neither of them are going to change. She might after enough guys leave taking issue with her son, that can sometimes be the shock she needs to realize she needs to change.
I hope you're not staying just because you don't want her son to "win" the game....there has to be some pleasure in the relationship for you to stay...no way should you feel "whipped" all the time...if you left, it doesn't mean (at all) that you are "just another guy that doesn't care"..it means that you are just another guy who values his sanity, and seeks to be happy with someone who can love and respect him back....is that such a bad thing???
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