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Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
1,950 posts, read 5,160,511 times
Reputation: 2295
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I love the Bears
That's funny - cause if the kids look wrong at a dog and then grow up to be a serial killer it's the parent's fault for not recognizing the signs and dealing with it!
There is no "winning" in being a parent. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't !
I know many parents that pretty much kept their children sheltered and prim and proper, only to end up with the bad seed.
Thank you all for your advice!
This morning I took in her late, I got us some breakfast and went to the beach.We had a heart to heart.I needed to know all the details,she needed to know I still love her and believe in her. I do, very much so.I also listened. She is a good girl and I have to remember that.
One thing that was said,the boy that walked her home ,was also the boy that stayed by her side the WHOLE time after he figured out she was drunk,to make sure no one messed with her.That there were only 5 other kids that drank(out of 20)that wasn't bad, and she told me that she screwed up.And I let her know, I was more scared then mad, because she didn't tell me first what she had done, the next morning I sat there and made her tell me,I told her I was too harsh with some of the things said and done.
I went through my fears with what could have happened and then I asked her what she thought was a good punishment.
We decided that she will go to MADD at least twice,if she has all A's and B's she will then be able to get license next semester like we had already decided,she will be grounded for 3 weeks and has to help with chores
Saturday.
I also told her that I am on her side.No matter what she does I will always love her and be the for her. I also explained that I am human,no one gave me a book to tell me what to do and that all I want is the best for her.
So, I am hoping the opens a new relationship between us.She is my only girl, and I want us close, Ididn't have that, I want that with her!
The one thing that does bother and I still am thinking about how to handle it or let it go is:
I did talk to the Mom of the kid before my Daughter went to the party,she was there the whole time. She had no idea there was drinking untill later in the night.But here's the thing, she laid my Daughter down put a cool clothe on her head to help sober her up,because she was afraid she was going to be held responsible(I do not blame the Mom at all),but it bothers me that she never called me or anything!
Thank you all for the advice, it helps ,because believe it or not I don't know everything!
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
1,950 posts, read 5,160,511 times
Reputation: 2295
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandlovertoo
Thank you all for your advice!
This morning I took in her late, I got us some breakfast and went to the beach.We had a heart to heart.I needed to know all the details,she needed to know I still love her and believe in her. I do, very much so.I also listened. She is a good girl and I have to remember that.
One thing that was said,the boy that walked her home ,was also the boy that stayed by her side the WHOLE time after he figured out she was drunk,to make sure no one messed with her.That there were only 5 other kids that drank(out of 20)that wasn't bad, and she told me that she screwed up.And I let her know, I was more scared then mad, because she didn't tell me first what she had done, the next morning I sat there and made her tell me,I told her I was too harsh with some of the things said and done.
I went through my fears with what could have happened and then I asked her what she thought was a good punishment.
We decided that she will go to MADD at least twice,if she has all A's and B's she will then be able to get license next semester like we had already decided,she will be grounded for 3 weeks and has to help with chores
Saturday.
I also told her that I am on her side.No matter what she does I will always love her and be the for her. I also explained that I am human,no one gave me a book to tell me what to do and that all I want is the best for her.
So, I am hoping the opens a new relationship between us.She is my only girl, and I want us close, Ididn't have that, I want that with her!
The one thing that does bother and I still am thinking about how to handle it or let it go is:
I did talk to the Mom of the kid before my Daughter went to the party,she was there the whole time. She had no idea there was drinking untill later in the night.But here's the thing, she laid my Daughter down put a cool clothe on her head to help sober her up,because she was afraid she was going to be held responsible(I do not blame the Mom at all),but it bothers me that she never called me or anything!
Thank you all for the advice, it helps ,because believe it or not I don't know everything!
I believe...... most of us parents "fly off the handle" in the moment. I know I do. It is a reflex of fear (I think). Our biggest fear is something happening to our children/child. Its hard to do, but at some point we must step back and look at the big picture. We have to see the good in them and trust that we raised them right.
(If my son ever sees this, I'm cooked !! LOL )
that is great - I am so glad that you can talk to your child like that. It's tough to be a teenage girl - she's lucky to have a mom that cares so much - just for the record I'd be wild with the other mom!
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
1,950 posts, read 5,160,511 times
Reputation: 2295
Quote:
Originally Posted by I love the Bears
that is great - I am so glad that you can talk to your child like that. It's tough to be a teenage girl - she's lucky to have a mom that cares so much - just for the record I'd be wild with the other mom!
I agree that the mom who had the party SHOULD of been aware of what was going on. AND should of called you to inform you and give you the opprotunity to pick your daughter up !
Fear of being held liable...... well she was the adult who was supposed to be keeping an eye on things.
Worse could of happened !
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,537,150 times
Reputation: 999
I have a 16 year old daughter. I have a key logger on my computer and read all of her correspondence (I trust her, I don't trust her friends...I've got a follower on my hands.) Two weeks ago, the first word of alcohol crept in, not my daughter drinking, but her friends. Shortly after, she and 7 of her friends went out to dinner and came to my house to watch a DVD. Because they went out in two groups to get a Dairy Queen. I sat down with the two groups of four separately and just asked them if they knew anyone who drank and did drugs. These kids trust me and told me the low down on who and how. I explained to them that teens who drink for the first time, have no idea how much alcohol they can tolerate and that alcohol can sneak up on you, one minute you are fine and next you are feeling sick.
I told them that I was not into getting anyone into trouble, but that I would being watching them all very carefully over the next two years, until they go to college. I told them that I was not going to let them screw up their future (our county is very strict with underage drinking) just because they wanted to know what beer felt like. I told them that it's underrated, can easily earn you a ankle bracelet and a probation officer, if not kill them.
I reminded them that in the last year our community lost one of their classmates to a drug overdose and a senior paralyzed by driving drunk and hitting a tree. "All in the name of fun." In a neighboring community, kid got drunk got his car stuck, he was spinning this tires so much trying to get out the engine block caught on fire and he died from the smoke because the alcohol caught up with him and he fell asleep.
I don't think you are being too strict. Kids thrive on boundaries whether they know it or not.
I would talk to the parents of the kid who had the party. Chances are they didn't know alcohol was being abused, they might appreciate knowing.
Personally, during the three month grounding, I would let her have friends over just on the ulterior motive of getting to know these friends of hers myself.
Last edited by MainStreet; 09-05-2007 at 12:10 PM..
Sandbaby, I'm SO glad that heart to heart helped.... and that you learned that she had a protector that night. Had you never discussed this with her, you might have blamed the boy who kept an eye on her that night. It sounds like she has some good friends already.
You're on the right track- and about the relationship being close- I think you will have that because you are working toward it. I feel the same as you- I want my son to be able to tell me anything- and to know that I'll be there for him if he finds himself in some kind of situation. Like I said, it's a fine line we walk- the most important thing is the safety of our kids.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,065 posts, read 4,537,150 times
Reputation: 999
Quote:
Originally Posted by sandlovertoo
Thank you all for your advice!
This morning I took in her late, I got us some breakfast and went to the beach.We had a heart to heart.I needed to know all the details,she needed to know I still love her and believe in her. I do, very much so.I also listened. She is a good girl and I have to remember that.
One thing that was said,the boy that walked her home ,was also the boy that stayed by her side the WHOLE time after he figured out she was drunk,to make sure no one messed with her.That there were only 5 other kids that drank(out of 20)that wasn't bad, and she told me that she screwed up.And I let her know, I was more scared then mad, because she didn't tell me first what she had done, the next morning I sat there and made her tell me,I told her I was too harsh with some of the things said and done.
I went through my fears with what could have happened and then I asked her what she thought was a good punishment.
We decided that she will go to MADD at least twice,if she has all A's and B's she will then be able to get license next semester like we had already decided,she will be grounded for 3 weeks and has to help with chores
Saturday.
I also told her that I am on her side.No matter what she does I will always love her and be the for her. I also explained that I am human,no one gave me a book to tell me what to do and that all I want is the best for her.
So, I am hoping the opens a new relationship between us.She is my only girl, and I want us close, Ididn't have that, I want that with her!
The one thing that does bother and I still am thinking about how to handle it or let it go is:
I did talk to the Mom of the kid before my Daughter went to the party,she was there the whole time. She had no idea there was drinking untill later in the night.But here's the thing, she laid my Daughter down put a cool clothe on her head to help sober her up,because she was afraid she was going to be held responsible(I do not blame the Mom at all),but it bothers me that she never called me or anything!
Thank you all for the advice, it helps ,because believe it or not I don't know everything!
I read your first post and responded before reading this one. Kudos to you mom! Calm, candid, open communication...and a lot of it...
Great that you talked to the mother of the party. She should have called you, but might have had her hands full from the sound of it.
Way to go, Sandlover! Sounds like you handled it just right. I'm dreading the teenage years and my daughter is only 8.
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