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Location: Newton, NJ (but my heart is in Tennessee)
311 posts, read 1,376,787 times
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I know someone who went through the following as a child. What do you think about this?
From a very young age until her early teens, her father's method of discipline was to take off his belt and hit her with it, mostly across the thighs. Sometimes he also struck her with his hands and called her bad names. She recalls the whippings would be very painful and leave red marks on her legs. He finally stopped at around 14 or 15 when she threatened to kick him in a vulnerable area.
It was scary for her to see a strong, angry man coming at a young girl. It got to the point where she hated him and did not want him to come near her or touch her. Her mother did nothing to stop it. In fact, there were a couple of incidents involving her as well. Once she grabbed her by the hair and threw her under the table. Another time she snuck up behind her and cut off half of her hair.
As she grew older, she had a couple of bouts with depression, inability to concentrate in school, a nervous breakdown along with a few other habits and emotional issues such as vulnerability and an inability to trust people. Eventually she was able to overcome all of this and is now doing great. She believes very strongly that her problems early in life were caused by her parents and that separating from them has accelerated her healing. For multiple reasons, she will not communicate with them. She also does not communicate with her family because they think she is either lying or crazy. They cannot believe that these wonderful people could do such a thing. Her parents think they did nothing wrong and that the problem is with her. They are horrified she would even suggest she was abused. To them, she was born a very sensitive person and this is what led to her problems.
Considering everything she has told me about her childhood, it seems obvious that this would be considered abuse. However, not everyone seems to think there is anything wrong with whipping your child with a belt. The way children are treated has an impact on their entire lives. If a friend were to kiss her on the cheek, she would have no problem with it. When her father tried to kiss her however, she would become angry and scrub her cheek until it was red. Doesn't this tell you something? She has absolutely no trust in her mother.
Some people criticize her for avoiding her family. They think it is awful that her daughter will not know her grandparents. She ignores them, however, believing that she is doing what is best for her and her family. Although she is a much different person now, she still struggles with trust and tends to question things that people say and do, trying to make sure it was not intended to hurt her. It has been a long road but she has also come a long way.
I would call that abuse. I can't think of any circumstances that warrant a parent hitting a child with a belt or a spouse pulling a woman's hair and shoving. Simply put, there is a difference between parenting so your child respects you versus fearing you. I hope your friend has sought professional counseling to deal with these painful childhood memories.
Yes - the legal defenition of PHYSICAL abuse includes leaving bruises (item or physical hand or body part) or using an object to strike. It goes unsaid the amount of emotional abuse that was done through these acts, as those are often the most difficult to heal from and to learn to trust again.
There is no doubt in my mind that your friend was physically and emotionally abused. It disgust me that someone would resort to such terrible methods of "discipline." Your friends parents should be slithering around on their bellies begging for her forgiveness, although I doubt they'll do this. I hope she is able to get help and she is right to avoid these people if they are unwilling/unable to acknowledge their wrongdoing. Her parents should be ashamed.
I know someone who went through the following as a child. What do you think about this?
From a very young age until her early teens, her father's method of discipline was to take off his belt and hit her with it, mostly across the thighs. Sometimes he also struck her with his hands and called her bad names. She recalls the whippings would be very painful and leave red marks on her legs. He finally stopped at around 14 or 15 when she threatened to kick him in a vulnerable area.
It was scary for her to see a strong, angry man coming at a young girl. It got to the point where she hated him and did not want him to come near her or touch her. Her mother did nothing to stop it. In fact, there were a couple of incidents involving her as well. Once she grabbed her by the hair and threw her under the table. Another time she snuck up behind her and cut off half of her hair.
I didn't need to read the rest. It's not only abuse, but terrorizing as well. If I, as a mandated reporter, heard that, you can bet your patootie I would be on the phone in about 1 second flat, and wouldn't get off the phone until someone had come to rescue that child. And quite honestly, with that level of dominating behavior, I would completely wonder what ELSE was going on that may never be spoken about. This is not the definition of a loving familiy, and she shouldn't feel the least bit guilty or weird for removing herself from their sickness.
She should be SO proud of herself that she broke away.
I know someone who went through the following as a child. What do you think about this?
From a very young age until her early teens, her father's method of discipline was to take off his belt and hit her with it, mostly across the thighs. Sometimes he also struck her with his hands and called her bad names. She recalls the whippings would be very painful and leave red marks on her legs. He finally stopped at around 14 or 15 when she threatened to kick him in a vulnerable area.
It was scary for her to see a strong, angry man coming at a young girl. It got to the point where she hated him and did not want him to come near her or touch her. Her mother did nothing to stop it. In fact, there were a couple of incidents involving her as well. Once she grabbed her by the hair and threw her under the table. Another time she snuck up behind her and cut off half of her hair.
Alright, on one hand we have "old school" discipline. Take a belt or switch and punish the child. There are ppl who still consider this a proper form of punishment. A quick pop on the tail or a spanking might not be out of line BUT what I see is a large grown man who not only is abusing his daughter he is breaking her down and humiliating her. Come on, whipping a teen is weird anyway. This goes well beyond discipline in my book! And I don't even want to touch the mother's issues. Yeah, she is totally in the right to seperate herself from her family. TOTALLY. Sounds like these people have some issues they need to deal with and my guess is that that is highly unlikely so she is doing herself a favor in more ways than one.
I completely agree with deerislesmile's assessment. What those parents did was not only physical abuse, but mental terror and total domination. I also agree that the situation was ripe for other abuses to occur as well. For her sake and her childrens' well-being, it's a healthy thing she has nothing to do with her family of origin.
If what your friend says is true, it's abuse. Some people exagerate. Some are mentally ill. A "Borderline Personality Disorder" person sometimes fabricates abuse. Not saying you friend is borderline...just giving another perspective. Does she have siblings? Did they have the same experience? Even if the didn't, it doesn't mean she is fabricating...just more info.
I've noticed that most people do not cut their parents out of their lives for petty reasons unless they are mentally ill. So, I'm guessing she has good reason.
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