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I guess it depends on the age of the kids but I was surprised so many parents today consult their kids on family purchase decisions.
Sure we might ask "Where would you like to go out to eat tonight" but surely would not discuss car purchase. We typically buy their clothes at 2 or 3 places but they don't know enough to say "Oh let's go shopping there" Actually we go shopping very little. I expect that will change once they hit their teens.
It really depends on the purchase. I regularly ask the kids about grocery purchases. Sometimes I even ask them to text me a "wish list" on the day before I go shopping. I don't always get everything on their lists but I usually get most of it. A typical list would be: grapes, apples, roast beef, cheddar cheese, taco stuff.
As far as where to eat dinner we do consult the kids. Sometimes one of the kids has earned the right to decide where to eat. We sometimes offer the ability to choose as a reward.
We allow them to choose where to buy their own clothes. They like for me to go shopping with them because they like what I pick out for them (weird for teens??). We don't fight over clothes. My kids wear uniforms to school so they don't need a whole lot of clothing.
When it comes to major purchases we give the kids less say in what we buy but we do sometimes ask their opinion. My oldest was 15 when we bought our last car and we bought it with the idea that eventually he would drive that car. We did ask him his opinion on that purchase, although we set out the parameters of what sort of car we were looking to buy (we would up with a Scion xB) and we made the final decision.
Raising kids means teaching them to make decisions. As they grow up they need to learn what the decision making process is. Parents can teach it to their kids by including them in the process. However, their inclusion needs to be age appropriate and needs to be driven by the adults. I don't think it makes any sense to allow a 5 year old to pick the family car, however, as a child approaches adulthood it makes sense to allow the child to think about the decision making process. IMO parents need to drive the process when it comes to major purchases but it makes sense to include kids in it.
My parents have a whiteboard on the wall for what stuff we want from the store. And they let us pick the places we wanted to go eat as kids. Though they had to be real restaurants and not kids places :-P.
I guess it depends on the age of the kids but I was surprised so many parents today consult their kids on family purchase decisions.
Sure we might ask "Where would you like to go out to eat tonight" but surely would not discuss car purchase. We typically buy their clothes at 2 or 3 places but they don't know enough to say "Oh let's go shopping there" Actually we go shopping very little. I expect that will change once they hit their teens.
Nope, never did, never will. As the parents and the adults it is our choice which vehicle to purchase, their clothes were uniforms for school and what I chose until they were older and supper was what I put on the table.
I know never say never, but I can't imagine that I will. I'll certainly take his likes into consideration when planning a vacation (by that I mean making sure we do some things he'll especially enjoy) but it will be our decision. It just sounds very strange to me. Isn't part of the joy of moving out and getting your own life the fact that you will be making your own decisions? Where is the incentive to grow up and get your own life?
I heard two young girls talking on the bus the other day. They were in college so I would say 20-22. One was talking about her family getting a dog because her father was retired so he could take care of it. And she was going on and on about what kind she wanted. I thought "you're not 7. If your parents get a dog, it's their dog. You should be on your way out that door.". I'm not looking forward to tossing my son out at 18 or anything. But I believe our job is to get him prepared for, and excited about, his own life. And a touch of 'my house, my rules' helps that, I think. You get to make all the decisions in your own home.
I know never say never, but I can't imagine that I will. I'll certainly take his likes into consideration when planning a vacation (by that I mean making sure we do some things he'll especially enjoy) but it will be our decision. It just sounds very strange to me. Isn't part of the joy of moving out and getting your own life the fact that you will be making your own decisions? Where is the incentive to grow up and get your own life?
I heard two young girls talking on the bus the other day. They were in college so I would say 20-22. One was talking about her family getting a dog because her father was retired so he could take care of it. And she was going on and on about what kind she wanted. I thought "you're not 7. If your parents get a dog, it's their dog. You should be on your way out that door.". I'm not looking forward to tossing my son out at 18 or anything. But I believe our job is to get him prepared for, and excited about, his own life. And a touch of 'my house, my rules' helps that, I think. You get to make all the decisions in your own home.
Yes but there is nothing wrong with taking in input either. This girl might realize that SHE not daddy will end up being the one taking care of the dog as well . My father often got pets with mom, and in the end i or my sister ended up taking care of them because he would lose the excitement after a few months.
I know never say never, but I can't imagine that I will. I'll certainly take his likes into consideration when planning a vacation (by that I mean making sure we do some things he'll especially enjoy) but it will be our decision. It just sounds very strange to me. Isn't part of the joy of moving out and getting your own life the fact that you will be making your own decisions? Where is the incentive to grow up and get your own life?
I heard two young girls talking on the bus the other day. They were in college so I would say 20-22. One was talking about her family getting a dog because her father was retired so he could take care of it. And she was going on and on about what kind she wanted. I thought "you're not 7. If your parents get a dog, it's their dog. You should be on your way out that door.". I'm not looking forward to tossing my son out at 18 or anything. But I believe our job is to get him prepared for, and excited about, his own life. And a touch of 'my house, my rules' helps that, I think. You get to make all the decisions in your own home.
I think there is a difference between getting input from the kids and allowing the kids to make decisions. Parents need to decide but there is nothing wrong with asking kids what they think.
It depends on what it is.
My daughter (kindergarten) "helps" me plan the menu for the week and goes to the grocery store with me. She is learning how to use coupons, how to 'stick to the list' and not make impulse purchases, and how to plan ahead.
We recently bought a new tv because our old one died. We didn't seek her advice, but she did observe our decision-making process as we researched and weighed the pros and cons of the different types, sizes, and prices etc. Hopefully she is picking up on the importance of making an informed decision.
We haven't bought a car since she was an infant, but she repeatedly mentions that she wishes we would get a mini van with automatic doors (we had one for a week when my car was in the shop). To that she gets a resounding "no, you can buy yourself one when you grow up and get a job."
She also asked if we could change trash collection companies because she wants the one that has pink garbage cans (we have half a dozen different trash collection companies here that provide their own trash can.) To that she gets a "no, because they have a bad reputation for skipping pick-ups and that isn't worth having a pink trash can."
If we were to get a dog I would seek her opinion (after I reduce the choices to 2 or 3) because she would be the one playing with it most of the time.
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. My father often got pets with mom, and in the end i or my sister ended up taking care of them because he would lose the excitement after a few months.
