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Obviously you have never been the father of a teen age boy after being a teen girl chasing teen age boys. If you had, you would understand. If you think girls don't think about sex as much if not more than the boys you tried to scare, then you don't know much about them. Because in the end no matter how much effort a boy makes we decide on the pace and timing of sex. You really think you scaring the boy is going to have any factor on whether your daughter and he might have sex? Once she goes out the door your influence in the situation reduces to zero and hers dominates.
I just want you all to know that I was joking as far as threating any youngman who would want to go out with my daughter, mainly since I have two boys it is a mute point. I think that my son's would "screen" the boys that my daughter decided to go out with out of brotherly love. Now as far as my sons are concerned my wife talks to any potential suitors.
. The point i'm trying to make is that when it comes to sex parents have less influence over their kids choices. They might respect your choices, and views but if they are into a girl or guy, your views often fall on deaf ears. Often the warnings of parents turn out to be right but that isn't going to stop your kids from dating who you disapprove of either.
I just want you all to know that I was joking as far as threating any youngman who would want to go out with my daughter, mainly since I have two boys it is a mute point. I think that my son's would "screen" the boys that my daughter decided to go out with out of brotherly love. Now as far as my sons are concerned my wife talks to any potential suitors.
Which is a normal family thing to do i think. And we all as parents and also siblings will let our family know when we don't really care for the people they date. But that does not always mean they are going to even take our advice into consideration either. I could not stand my sisters ex husband, and told her for a long time this, and even though we are super close she ignored me. Now it turns out i was right in the end. But the fact was even though she, and i listen and respect each others opinions she was into this guy. So my thoughts on him went in one ear, and right out the other,
So it's ok for you to threaten my son but it's not ok for me to threaten your daughter? Don't worry, I don't believe in intimidation (and nobody would be intimidated by a 46 year old woman that is 5'3" tall).
When did I ever say anything like that? I never said I would point a loaded gun at a boy and I clearly said that if you threatened my daughter like that verbally, we would laugh about it. Moderator cut: snip
Do you seriously think that nice girls don't enjoy sex? Really?
Never said this either. This is puzzling. I do not understand how you could have even imagined this statement from what I said.
Girls attain sexual maturity before boys do, thus girls have a sex drive before boys do. I assure you that most girls do not need to be coerced into sex. They may tell Daddy that they were, but the truth is that they had sex because they wanted to have sex.
Sorry, this is just simply wrong. However given the statements above I can see how it is possible to misread the studies and reports and come to the oppostie conclusion that they state. Boys peak at 18, girls around 35. 18 is younger than 35. While girls are capable of reprocuding at a younger age, that has noting to do with drive.
If what you say is true you believe that the vast majority of sexually active teenaged boys are rapists. You can't be serious.
Coercion is not rape. "Oh come on please, please please please, everyone is doing it" Does not constitute rape. Nor does "If you won't do it, I will find someone who will" Not even "I will only take you to the prom if you go to a hotel with me after" All are coercion, none are rape. Frankly "Here have another beer, is not rape either, but it is certinaly coercion."
I don't want to get to personal here but most women enjoy sex as much as men do. I don't believe in sex for the sake of sex (neither do my kids) but sex is an enjoyable activity for both men and women. Nice girls do like sex.
Never said otherwise. However nice girls do not pressure high school boys for sex. Nice boys do not pressure high school girls for sex. Decent people learn to control themselves. Women and men both enjoy sex is correct. However women and men peak in their sex drives at different times. Loads and loads of studies and data here. Loads of studies about why young girls have sex early. "I wanted to because it feels good" is never a signficant reason. At early age, it is for acceptance, percieved social standing, coercion. Mostly it is beause they suffer from feelings of unworthiness. Having a boyfriend makes them feel worthy. If he wants to have sex, it makes them feel more special, or frequently they perceive that it is the only way to feel worthy.
I don't see any reason to advertise whether you have sexual experience or not by wearing a specific piece of jewelery. That's just silliness. When a person is ready to have sex they should have sex. If a person is not ready to have sex then they should refrain. Everyone else does not need to know.
A promise ring is not an advertisement. It is a reminder and something to give as a gift or an expression of ultimate love. It does also serve the same purpose as a wedding ring. It tells people "not here" if they are just looking for sex. That way your son knows not to waste his time pursing or dating my daughter. He can just go elsewhere. Shouldn't she let him know before he wastes a bunch of time and money pursuing her?
If you think everyone does not know, you need to talk to your son about high school. Everyone knows.
I am sure that you would not want your daughter to date him because he is not a Christian and has no plans to become a Christian. He would not date someone whose father is a bully.
My daughters date whom they choose. So far that includes an avowed atheist, a muslem and several "I am not sure" as well as some Christian boys. If you are Christian, dating a Christian is easier. They chose who they chose.
I have never bullied anyone. I do like to help sort out a dummy, a cad, or a tool. My daughters can date who they choose but I do not have to be nice to them if I do not like them. I am a good judge of character, it is part of my profession. Many things that I say or do are for the purposes of testing a persons character. I am also very sarcastic. Unfortunately stupid people tend to take me seriously and frequently dislike me. If your son perceives me as a bully, he is stupid and I am gald to see him leave (not to mention his propensity to hang out with sleezy girls).
Last edited by JustJulia; 03-30-2012 at 12:59 PM..
Reason: personal attack
Obviously you have never been the father of a teen age boy after being a teen girl chasing teen age boys. If you had, you would understand. If you think girls don't think about sex as much if not more than the boys you tried to scare, then you don't know much about them. Because in the end no matter how much effort a boy makes we decide on the pace and timing of sex. You really think you scaring the boy is going to have any factor on whether your daughter and he might have sex? Once she goes out the door your influence in the situation reduces to zero and hers dominates.
More bzzarre reading here. When did I ever say that I really hoped to scare the boy (well maybe if the boy is stupid and takes me seriously, then scaring him away may be a good idea). What I said was I like to test the boy. I do not expect to scare him. I do want to find out what he is made of. I like to take them out of the expected and away from using canned responses. I also like to convey in a humourous way (to me) that I am "not a look the other way" dad.
I give my son the same treatement when he has a date. "Even though she may not have a dad, you still need to worry about me if you ever treat her like anything other than a complete gentleman"
And no, most high school girls are not obsessed about sex the way boys are. Some are. Not many.
Although it is not my intent, my influence does not end at the door. One one first date, my daughter said at the door, "it is ok if you want to kiss me" He said "I don't want to **** off oyur dad" . She asked "Dad can you a little easier on him, I do want to experience my first kiss some day"
Whether they have sex is their choice. Frankly I am not particularly concerned about it. They are very well grounded and good thinkers. They discuss prettymuch everything with me or mom and are not afraid to ask quesitons. We help them to understand some of the pressures that they are subjected to socially and typical emotions and issues encountered by girls their age. We let them read the articles and studies and make their own decisions.
However if a boy were to try to force, or pressure them, I might intervene, definitely if it came to force. I would come down on him like the devil. That is clearly established. In a date rape situation, that boy better pray they put him in prison for a long long time.
So it's ok for you to threaten my son but it's not ok for me to threaten your daughter? Don't worry, I don't believe in intimidation (and nobody would be intimidated by a 46 year old woman that is 5'3" tall).
When did I ever say anything like that? I never said I would point a loaded gun at a boy and I clearly said that if you threatened my daughter like that verbally, we would laugh about it. Moderator cut: snip
Do you seriously think that nice girls don't enjoy sex? Really?
Never said this either. This is puzzling. I do not understand how you could have even imagined this statement from what I said.
Girls attain sexual maturity before boys do, thus girls have a sex drive before boys do. I assure you that most girls do not need to be coerced into sex. They may tell Daddy that they were, but the truth is that they had sex because they wanted to have sex.
Sorry, this is just simply wrong. However given the statements above I can see how it is possible to misread the studies and reports and come to the oppostie conclusion that they state. Boys peak at 18, girls around 35. 18 is younger than 35. While girls are capable of reprocuding at a younger age, that has noting to do with drive.
If what you say is true you believe that the vast majority of sexually active teenaged boys are rapists. You can't be serious.
Coercion is not rape. "Oh come on please, please please please, everyone is doing it" Does not constitute rape. Nor does "If you won't do it, I will find someone who will" Not even "I will only take you to the prom if you go to a hotel with me after" All are coercion, none are rape. Frankly "Here have another beer, is not rape either, but it is certinaly coercion."
I don't want to get to personal here but most women enjoy sex as much as men do. I don't believe in sex for the sake of sex (neither do my kids) but sex is an enjoyable activity for both men and women. Nice girls do like sex.
Never said otherwise. However nice girls do not pressure high school boys for sex. Nice boys do not pressure high school girls for sex. Decent people learn to control themselves. Women and men both enjoy sex is correct. However women and men peak in their sex drives at different times. Loads and loads of studies and data here. Loads of studies about why young girls have sex early. "I wanted to because it feels good" is never a signficant reason. At early age, it is for acceptance, percieved social standing, coercion. Mostly it is beause they suffer from feelings of unworthiness. Having a boyfriend makes them feel worthy. If he wants to have sex, it makes them feel more special, or frequently they perceive that it is the only way to feel worthy.
I don't see any reason to advertise whether you have sexual experience or not by wearing a specific piece of jewelery. That's just silliness. When a person is ready to have sex they should have sex. If a person is not ready to have sex then they should refrain. Everyone else does not need to know.
A promise ring is not an advertisement. It is a reminder and something to give as a gift or an expression of ultimate love. It does also serve the same purpose as a wedding ring. It tells people "not here" if they are just looking for sex. That way your son knows not to waste his time pursing or dating my daughter. He can just go elsewhere. Shouldn't she let him know before he wastes a bunch of time and money pursuing her?
If you think everyone does not know, you need to talk to your son about high school. Everyone knows.
I am sure that you would not want your daughter to date him because he is not a Christian and has no plans to become a Christian. He would not date someone whose father is a bully.
My daughters date whom they choose. So far that includes an avowed atheist, a muslem and several "I am not sure" as well as some Christian boys. If you are Christian, dating a Christian is easier. They chose who they chose.
I have never bullied anyone. I do like to help sort out a dummy, a cad, or a tool. My daughters can date who they choose but I do not have to be nice to them if I do not like them. I am a good judge of character, it is part of my profession. Many things that I say or do are for the purposes of testing a persons character. I am also very sarcastic. Unfortunately stupid people tend to take me seriously and frequently dislike me. If your son perceives me as a bully, he is stupid and I am gald to see him leave (not to mention his propensity to hang out with sleezy girls).
I am far from a stupid person, and i perceive you as a bully . And telling you as a girl most of us had sex as young girls because it felt good. However continue on with your neolithic mindset if it makes you feel better. Also the data on 'sexual' peaks is pretty misleading since it is basing all on the fact that mens testosterone peak at 18-22 and women's estrogen peak in their late 20s to early 30's. The issue is testosterone is a real factor in both sexes drives, and estrogen is only a part of the cocktail with women. However low estrogen nor high testosterone guarantee sex drive is going to be high or low. A lot of factors mentally,physiologically,and even genetically go into your sex drive. Basically there is no scientific data proving that young women desire or engage in sex any less then men do when they are teens.
More bzzarre reading here. When did I ever say that I really hoped to scare the boy (well maybe if the boy is stupid and takes me seriously, then scaring him away may be a good idea). What I said was I like to test the boy. I do not expect to scare him. I do want to find out what he is made of. I like to take them out of the expected and away from using canned responses. I also like to convey in a humourous way (to me) that I am "not a look the other way" dad.
I give my son the same treatement when he has a date. "Even though she may not have a dad, you still need to worry about me if you ever treat her like anything other than a complete gentleman"
And no, most high school girls are not obsessed about sex the way boys are. Some are. Not many.
Although it is not my intent, my influence does not end at the door. One one first date, my daughter said at the door, "it is ok if you want to kiss me" He said "I don't want to **** off oyur dad" . She asked "Dad can you a little easier on him, I do want to experience my first kiss some day"
Whether they have sex is their choice. Frankly I am not particularly concerned about it. They are very well grounded and good thinkers. They discuss prettymuch everything with me or mom and are not afraid to ask quesitons. We help them to understand some of the pressures that they are subjected to socially and typical emotions and issues encountered by girls their age. We let them read the articles and studies and make their own decisions.
However if a boy were to try to force, or pressure them, I might intervene, definitely if it came to force. I would come down on him like the devil. That is clearly established. In a date rape situation, that boy better pray they put him in prison for a long long time.
Yes it does because what he says in your presence and what he does when she opens her mouth to kiss him are not going to be the same. Believe me you have near zero influence in the situation when they go out on a date and she sets the pace.
And no, most high school girls are not obsessed about sex the way boys are. Some are. Not many.
A girl does not have to be obsessed with sex to want to have sex. A girl can be interested in having sex without being obsessed with it. I have managed a healthy sex life over the past 30 years and I do not consider myself to be sex obsessed. Having sex does not mean obsessed with sex. A person can have sex a few times a week and still have plenty of time to do other things.
The following article about high school sex is a good one.
The study followed over 350 girls between the ages of 14-17. 81% had some sexual experience upon enrollment in the study, the majority of the participants had their first sexual experince during the study (which was 4.5 years long). Sexual experience does not necessarily mean intercourse.
One quote stood out to me:
"In the short term, a young woman was more likely to have sex when her relationship with her partner was good, when the girl felt good and when she was interested in having sex. "
Teen girls have sex because they are interested in sex. That does not make them obsessed with sex. It just means that they want to have sex.
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. She asked "Dad can you a little easier on him, I do want to experience my first kiss some day"
