Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You know, abuse of any kind is terrible, it's horrible what some people go through.
But we need to stop thinking we can stop it all together, we can't.
We can reduce the number of car crashes, we can try day after day to pull drugs off the streets, we can have safety laws to prevent deaths, we can make kids aware and arm them with knowledge but we all need to realize that is all we can do, just teach people, put down regulations, make laws etc have programs to raise awareness but none of the things in life we want to put to an end will ever be put to an end. There is always be car crashes, there will always be injuries and deaths, there will always be pedophiles and instead of trying to end all the bad things that happen we all need to realize that all we can do is reduce the number of times it happens by being aware and empowering kids to stand up for themselves and arming them with the knowledge of how they can do that.
There is such a huge double standard between men and women. I believe sincerely that women probably abuse children as frequently as men, but that they get away with a whole lot more because they aren't suspected nearly as much as men. Female teachers can get away with hugging their students, being alone in a room with a child, etc. and are just seen as being "maternal", whereas men doing the same are seen as "creeps".
Very true there about women. When i was in hs i did a very long report on incest/molestation and one of the people i talked to was an ex fbi agent dealing with sex crimes. In addition to showing me some data on the subject i could use, he said that women often were not reported for various reasons. Another issue he said that the vast amount of victims of women unlike men *who focus on tweens* were below the age of 4. So the signs of molestation you would easily notice in older children get ignored in toddlers because they do those sort of things at those ages. And at younger ages they won't be as verbal thus less likely for women to get caught.
I didn't read the responses to this thread, but assuming that this story isn't fabricated, then the problem was the mom's negligence during the period that her son was engaged in a potentially dangerous activity, and got into trouble. Helicopter moms are masters of deflection, as if schooled in how to quickly blame others for their own obvious shortcomings. The rest of the story is just a bunch of side effects.
Very true there about women. When i was in hs i did a very long report on incest/molestation and one of the people i talked to was an ex fbi agent dealing with sex crimes. In addition to showing me some data on the subject i could use, he said that women often were not reported for various reasons. Another issue he said that the vast amount of victims of women unlike men *who focus on tweens* were below the age of 4. So the signs of molestation you would easily notice in older children get ignored in toddlers because they do those sort of things at those ages. And at younger ages they won't be as verbal thus less likely for women to get caught.
Unfortunately, this is true to an extent.
A book that tells a story of one man who was molested:
Come Here by Richard Berendzen
This book is an interesting one in terms of analyzing the attraction and both men and women who are pedophile:
From Generation to Generation: Understanding Sexual Attraction to Children by Anne Stirling Hastings, PhD
To wit -- of the 800,000 children who disappear each year in the US, only 115 do so as Etan did, at the hands of strangers, rather than the more typical disappearance as part of a custody or family dispute. Or this fact: British writer Warwick Cairns, author of "How to Live Dangerously" has calculated that if you wanted to guarantee that your child would be snatched off the street, he or she would have to stand outside alone for 750,000 hours.
New York City police announced an arrest today , which is also National Missing Children's Day -- one created by Ronald Reagan after Etan disappeared. We could use it to reopen a chapter, and frighten ourselves anew, and hold our kids (too) tight and warn them (too much) about the big bad world. Or we could use this to open a new chapter. To teach them that sometimes bad things happen, and that reasonable people take rational precautions. But that the world is a place of adventure, and we want them to have oh so many of those.
So true. It only takes one molester to change the lives of dozens of children. But I think the way to protect our kids is not by keeping them locked in the house, but teaching them to trust their instincts, that it's okay to say no to an adult, to scream and run away if someone touches them, and most important, to be the person they trust enough to tell. I've told my dd that she can tell me anything, and if she doesn't want to tell me, then tell her aunts, her teachers, cousins, just tell someone. And I've told her that it doesn't matter if it's a stranger or Uncle Henry or her favorite teacher. I think it's important that kids know to be cautious, and I think as parents we have to teach them how to handle certain situations, what to do, and who to tell. I think that would help them in the long run more than being constantly sheltered and protected. At some point they have to know how to look after themselves.
The other problem with teaching 'stranger danger' is that it is relatively easy for a kid to say 'no' and run away from a stranger. It is easy to mistrust a stranger and be wary of them.
It is much, much harder for a child to say no to an adult they know and love. Since child are victimized by adults they know in the vast majority of cases, the child can be left very vulnerable to these kinds of manipulations. It isn't enough to teach that the child can say no, because it just isn't that easy when the predator is your uncle who gives you piggyback rides and takes you to movies, or your aunt who gives you special snacks and always admires your artwork. By focusing so much on the tiny, tiny risk of 'stranger danger', kids aren't being prepared to stand against these more subtle and long-term manipulations.
The other problem with teaching 'stranger danger' is that it is relatively easy for a kid to say 'no' and run away from a stranger. It is easy to mistrust a stranger and be wary of them.
It is much, much harder for a child to say no to an adult they know and love. Since child are victimized by adults they know in the vast majority of cases, the child can be left very vulnerable to these kinds of manipulations. It isn't enough to teach that the child can say no, because it just isn't that easy when the predator is your uncle who gives you piggyback rides and takes you to movies, or your aunt who gives you special snacks and always admires your artwork. By focusing so much on the tiny, tiny risk of 'stranger danger', kids aren't being prepared to stand against these more subtle and long-term manipulations.
One of the much respected authorities on the subject agrees with you.
I agree with one of the commenters on the first link: "Absolutely reprehensible."
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
