Parents Play Favorites When Helping Out Adult Kids (babysit, baby, fertility)
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If you financially help kids over 18, do you keep track so that it is even between them? Do your kids keep track?
We helped our kids get through school without student loans but when our son decided to get PhD we helped him out more than our daughter who only did 1 year of graduate work. As far as I know daughter was not jealous about that but she did mention it in a conversation one time. But after formal education is finished I don't feel compelled to assist any further----unless some catastrophic medical issue came into their lives. We still have 2 younger ones at home to educate.
Over the years, my parents have paid the bills for my brother and his family. Last time my dad and I added everything up it came to about 250K they have spent on them over the years and that was about 2 years ago and my parents are still paying.
I'm not jealous of what they have chosen to do. I do get mad that my brother and his wife take advantage and are not grateful to my parents one bit for everything they have done.
My parents have helped my sister financially more than me. I think the logic has something to do with the fact that I was married and she wasn't...sexist but I think that was the idea.
It bugs me, but I'm a grown up and I realize that it's their money and they can do what they like with it. I don't have any right to my parents wealth.
For expenses that are different because of choices they make, I would try to keep it even. If something was beyond the control of one adult child, and they needed more help, I might give that one more. For example, my sister wasn't able to conceive naturally and she and her husband spent a boat load on fertility treatments. I wouldn't hold it against my parents if they helped with that. I'm just glad I didn't need assistance in that area.
We help the one who has a low paying job more than the one who is making a lot of money. I don't see that financial help has to be *equal.* It doesn't mean I love one more and the other less. The other gets different kinds of help as he has kids we babysit for. You can't make things equal all the time.
The inequality goes even further when dealing with familes with step children. The blood adult children get all the perks and the step adult children get nothing. In my experience anyway.
The inequality goes even further when dealing with familes with step children. The blood adult children get all the perks and the step adult children get nothing. In my experience anyway.
The steps are the bios of one of the parents right? Seems like that parent should make sure things are even.
The steps are the bios of one of the parents right? Seems like that parent should make sure things are even.
I agree that the bio parent should make things equal or at least somewhat equal but it doesn't always happen.
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