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I never read Dr. Spock, am I correct in assuming his term for time outs was conflict de-escalation? Personally I never liked the term "time-out" but basically that is what we do, just haven't found a better term to use. I don't believe in no discipline either, and I don't know what happened at Polinske center. If you believe that conflict de-escalation is reinforcing bad behavior, how do you suggest disciplining a 3 year old acting out?
for 3 year olds, distraction. quiet time is good as it calms. but beware if quiet time if it gets to be seen as punishment, being pumped up all the time must be good huh?
de escalation treats the conflict as primary issue to be handled and not the issue that created the conflict. conflict de escalation is not interested in problem solving or discipline. the boss just wants you to get the screaming person out of the office. this creates more problems down the road. spock is not interested in conflict de escalation i am. he was interested in not beating kids. did i only confuse you more thru the abundance of "help". dont beat yourself up. this is a tough job 3 years old.
I'm not beating myself up at all. I simply thought it would be an interesting subject to discuss and see other people's opinions. Thanks for your input!
Its funny how kids are famous for acting up when they think the parents will not correct them for fear of making a scene. If we were in a restaurant or a sport event, for example, and one of the kids was acting up, one of us would remove him to the rest room or outside and give him a lecture about his behavior. If that didn't work, then the whole family would pick up and leave, so the perp ruined it for everyone. Believe me, it only took one time of having all the siblings mad at them.
The Look works wonders! When my daughter was 5 she and a classmate went to the grocery store. Obviously this classmates parents allow her to just run wild. Down the first isle we go, she's running, standing in the middle of the isle while another shopper is trying to pass. I'm telling her constantly to stop. My daughter proceeded to follow suit. I grabbed her by the arm, pulled her very close and FIRMLY told her that she better stop immediately. I was FIRM, FORCEFUL, & STERN along with having that "I MEAN WHAT I SAY" look. I let her go and proceeded to push the cart as though nothing ever happened. Even the classmate had this frightened look on her face, but she did not continue that behavior. My daughter is 8yrs old now and whenever her actions are unbecoming, THE LOOK, always works.
The Look works wonders! When my daughter was 5 she and a classmate went to the grocery store. Obviously this classmates parents allow her to just run wild. Down the first isle we go, she's running, standing in the middle of the isle while another shopper is trying to pass. I'm telling her constantly to stop. My daughter proceeded to follow suit. I grabbed her by the arm, pulled her very close and FIRMLY told her that she better stop immediately. I was FIRM, FORCEFUL, & STERN along with having that "I MEAN WHAT I SAY" look. I let her go and proceeded to push the cart as though nothing ever happened. Even the classmate had this frightened look on her face, but she did not continue that behavior. My daughter is 8yrs old now and whenever her actions are unbecoming, THE LOOK, always works.
I did the very same thing with the arm and the look and it works beyond amazement.
I was in the pickle with my grandson, he's 2.3 yrs old now.
He was pitching a fit in the local cafe. Screaming bloody murder just to be doing it.
We had already ordered the food so I was stuck!
I'm looking around the room wondering, who wants me to whack him on the butt or who's going to call the cops when I do.
Read threads on the same thing about what to do in public.
Trust me, one little, not even hurting whack on the butt would have set him straight.
I let him scream for the few that would have called the cops.
Served them right if they were there, to have to put up with him too.
How do you get your kids to behave in public? It seems to be one of those tricky situation that I hear a lot of parents talking about. When your child misbehaves in public, not really harming anyone but more being disrespectful or not listening to his/her parents, how do you punish or correct their behavior? I'm not talking about the times the kid has a full blown kicking and screaming temper tantrum, just the little times when they are obviously pushing the limits. Usually my husband and I try to take the child outside or remove them from the scene, but what do you do when you are in a situation where you really can't do that? Just curious to see the different answers that will come from this.
I do a couple of things depending on the situation. I tell them to stop what they are doing first. If I can, I try to distract them (to keep them from acting up) like, offer a book, a snack that I usually carry... that usually keeps them under control. If they are just being bratty... I'll give them a warning then a time out.
Ok, I guess I'm the mean mommy in the group. I have twins. I can remember a few times when they were 2 or 3, one in the grocery basket & one either out and around or in the big part of the basket. One starts acting up, then the other does too..thats how twins are. You can't swat a kid in a seat, and I'm not dragging 2 kids into a bathroom, leaving all my stuff outside, to give them a timeout...please! I found that a little pinch, not too hard, but enough to know you mean it, on the upper leg...really gets their attention. No one sees it and it doesn't cause a scene. The look works now (at almost 6), but not when you have 2 at 3!
You know there were a number of times my younger son would put me in this situation in the preschool years.
With his personality, he's just itching for a scene.
So, what I learned was....
If you make a threat, back it up. If you threaten to leave, leave. I've left a cart full of groceries in the store.
Try not to make ultimatums.
If I say, "don't do this," he'd just wait for a chance to do that or something similar.
If I say, "I expect restaurant manners," that gives me the latitude to calmly correct the behavior.
Ignore the stupid stuff. If he's testing my patience by doing something dumb but not disruptive over and over, I ignore it!
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